Spicing Things Up

[S'sGurl]

Well, it has been so long since I've posted here that my original post name was deleted, haha.

Here I go - So, I love my boyfriend, he is the greatest person I know and he respects who I am and what I want more than any guy I've ever met. *We've been having sex for quite some time and well, the sex is great, I don't think either of us can complain.

My "problem," is that before I was going out with my boyfriend (almost a year now ) I had a little seven month fling with this other guy. *While my boyfriend pleases me in every way, including sexually, I just can't seem to forget how amazing sex with this other guy was. *He was never boyfriend material and I'd never date him, it was more of a "sex buddy" relationship. *Just for the record, my boyfriend is fully aware of my sexual history and knows that I had a sex buddy for a few months. *He even knows that the last time I had sex with the guy was only four days before we started going out. *

I'm assuming that my little affair yielded such amazing sex because I knew I shouldn't do it and there was always the excitement of getting caught. *Plus it wasn't a regular thing, just an occasional night together (but what a night it'd be!). *I guess I'm looking for ways to take the relationship I'm in now and add a little spice to it, for my pleasure and my boyfriend's. *I want to be able to call the sex in our relationship the best sex I have ever had. *Any ideas?

[monie]

Perhaps you can try to recognize the difference between the "fling" you had with that guy, and the relationship you now have with your boyfriend. The fling was all about sex, while I'm sure your relationship is about more than sex. You are with him because you love him, right? If so, then you could emphasize that the sex you have with your boyfrined is better than any other sex youve had because it iswith him, and you wouldnt want to be with anybody else. It is special because you love him. I hope you understand what Im trying to say, cause its hard for me to explain.

I took this approach with my most recent boyfriend. He was a virgin, and I was not. This made him nervous about his first time "performance". While my previous partner was my first serious relationship, I assured my new bf that once we had sex, it would be special because it was with him, and I didnt want to be with anyone else. I also assured him that there is no such thing as a "beggining expert", meaning that everything takes practice. Well, it worked, and our first time together was amazing.

While our situations are different, Im thinking that my technique could work in your situation too. Give it a try, I think it should do some good.

[WallyLlama]

Life is a package deal. It sounds like you are more than satisfied with the total package. Make certain you keep that fact at the forefront of all your thinking.

Your analysis of the "affair" is probably on target... the excitement wasn't so much anything he did or anything you did, it was the nature of the circumstances. The fact that you had minimal emotional involvement may also have helped by "freeing" you from the consequences and concerns.

If that analysis is correct, you might be able to bring some of it your current relationship with two approaches. One, become more sexually daring either through role playing, or having sex in "public" places. (Increasing the chances of getting caught.)

Two (and this may take some time), recognize that a complete emotional involvement that includes deep intimacy and trust can be as "freeing" as no emotional involvement.

The two of you can seek pleasure for pleasure's sake. Sex does not merely have to be an expression of love, even in a healthy relationship.

I'd caution against setting a standard like wanting your current sex to be the best you ever had. That's a historical focus. Just go for deepening the pleasure and excitement and see where it takes you.

[Alspals69]

Sgurl, i think the last paragraph of your original email probably summed it up.... things that feel wrong have an element of spice about them!!!!

An example of this would be one of my ex's who was catholic and with a huge guilt complex about sex outside of mairrage. She had the most incredible orgasms I had ever seen.

It is certainly also true that your relationship with your current guy is not comparable with the other one... its a different and probably ultimately more fruitful thing. But that wasn't what you were asking... so how to make the sex you have even better?

Its a very individual thing, but would it be worth trying to add that naughty feeling by includig an element of risk? A couple of hot encounters I have had include sex in the only bathroom at a party and a fantastic time in a shared house when we ended up having sex in a downstairs room with the door open and the chance of getting caught. Although this was never planned... more of a spur of the moment thing... it did the trick for us.

Just a thought. Good luck!!!

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

i duno, always try different places.. that can spice thing sup... or go to like a toy store

[JustTrying2BeAGOODBoyfriend]

LOL a Toy Store!! That's funny, i have yet to have sex outside my girlfriend's bedroom... well actually the first time we "tried", my parents were across the street talking to some neighbors and well, she and I started our thing, ending up in the bathroom... all i gotta say is she shreaked in pain... i thought i was busted for sure because there was no way that my parents couldn't have heard her... lol, well anyways i was nervous, anticipating my parents to come back from the neighbors house to interrogate me why Krista, my girlfriend had screamed... as it turned out they were getting drunk next door.... LOL