2 years older and away...question...

[remediosthebeauty]

So, I met this really great guy and we went out one night. I'd been hanging out with him that whole week but we were in a situation where we couldn't flirt at all whatsoever. So finally we went out on what seemed to be a date, but I wasn't sure. At the end, we kissed, and then I just fell for him. I have never really gone out with a guy before. But the problem was that a couple of weeks later he had to leave for about 3 months. We came over to my house, all in all we had 5 dates. On the last date we ended up in his bedroom kissing on his bed, which moved onto fingering and other stuff, not sex though.

He's two years older than me, and I wasn't sure if he really took our relationship seriously, because of his having to leave so soon. I really really like him, and I don't think he knew how much it meant to me and how inexperienced I am.

He doesn't have access to a computer or anything where he is, so we've been writing letters back and forth. He's coming back for a few days in about 6 weeks, and I don't know whether he'll want to see me or not.

What do you think? How should I approach it? I don't want him to feel pressured to hang out with me if he doesn't want to. Not only that, but it would really hurt me to have to get over him again.

Is it normal to think so much about this first guy and hardly be able to get over him? Anybody ever been in this long-distance situation before? What did you do?

[girl12]

ah..long distance relationships...

well first of all, how old r u both?

advice that u wanted is just dont be obsessive. or dont act like u constantly neeeed to talk to him. its hard not to seem like that when u really like someone, but if he blows u off, its his problem.
i guess the only advice i can give u is dont scare him away if u like him that much, and if he stops returning calls, etc, thats his loss.

-mariah

[eDJ]

I had a long distance when I was first starting dating. I met her during break week in college my freshman year when she came to visit her friend who was from the same town. We spent lots of time together that week and she would have liked to have had sex but I wasn't that experienced yet.

When she went home I stayed in touch and we wrote from then till school was out. I worked June thru mid August, then drove about 350 miles to spend a week with her at her family home. We couldn't show much affection around with them when there, but we would get in the car and go out where we
could kiss and cuddle. When I left we stayed in touch the next semester and she began to tire of long distance so she wanted to date other guys who were close by I told her it was fine by me. I had realized that holding out for someone
I had spent two weeks out of a year wasn't doing anything but costing stamps and telephone bills. Big telephone bills.

I learned from that. Never did it again. I was just starting
dating and all cause where I lived there wasn't anything like you see on TV and Hollywood High School, or Ridgemont High.
Most of the girls here who were dating in High School were looking for a husband for graduation. Those of us who went on to college kept our noses in the books and hoped for a social life like some we knew in High School had. That's how I got into my first and last long distance relationship.

Those in High School who dated and got married had family who didn't expect them to go to college or tech school cause they could get them on at the local factories etc. Most had
a couple kids before I had a steady girl friend and were building or buying a house. Most started with a modular home
a pickup truck, bass boat, and sattelite dish as there is lots of outdoor recreation where I live and they had that before I graduated. It made me glad I wasn't still in a long distance relationship when some of them I knew would ask me over to their place.

You hear about this stuff with older people in their fourties and fifties a lot as their careers take them appart. But those people are different as they probably lived together and may have had kids who have grown up or are at least at home with Mom while dad works in another city and travels home from time to time. It's just how it is for them as they try
to get the kids thru school and out on their own. Some have
to travel in their work and are appart this way. Dad may be able to make big bucks....but can't be with his family much.
Or after the kids are out on their own or are away at college, the parents go and work in different cities to make a good living and prepare for retirement.

Girl12 asked a valid question about your age. If you are from
later High School years to mid twenties I can understand it.
Past that you really need to "be" with someone who is there with you so you can learn and gain experience together. Long distance is about the same as having a poster on the wall of some teen star you have a crush on. It is more of a dream than a relationship.

Good luck,

eDJ

[WallyLlama]

To a large extent, the best probably answer is "follow your heart" - at least within reason.

It sounds like you have something of a relationship already.

A long distance relationship is not a bad thing in and of itself and I'd strongly encourage you not to base your relationships on other people's experience.

You sound quite well thought out... you're probably right that he may not realize how much he means to you. You could, of course, tell him. But I'd suggest you think about this. It's possible that he seems ideal simply because you aren't together much. It's fairly "normal" to feel strongly about someone you have an intense experience with, but then are separated by circumstance.

Why not slow down a little, enjoy what you have, and remember that you're not making life commitments, etc. Any guy that writes letters regularly is a bit exceptional, I'd say. Take it a little at a time, follow your heart, but let your head stay in charge. The fact that here is some distance between you and him doesn't change the fundamentals of relating.

Let the relationship grow... it may or it may not.

I doubt that he'll ask you to help him pick out a bass boat or modular home during his next visit.

Be open to what you both want from each other. A good relationship is part dream and part reality. A fantastic relationship allows both people enjoy both and each other.

Do that, you'll be fine.