Help me get the woman of my dreams!!!

[Greendale]

I have a co-working friend at work, she's a single mother with two kids. It all started when I first got a job there. I work at an office building called Reserve America. A building where you reserve campsites at campgrounds they also have tickmaster there. I work in the Customer Service department, and she works for the HR Department. She is the one that takes interviews with employees looking for a job and hires them and stuff. I've talked about her in the board before.

I've had a big crush on her for the last couple of years. I've never really had huge crushes on women before, I've known many women as friends but I wouldn't consider the other women big crushes, just close friends. But this crush hit me like a ton of bricks the moment I layed eyes upon her. You know, kind of like a "love at first sight" kind of a thing. I'm sure everyone in this board had huge crushes the moment they layed eyes on someone, it's a normal thing and nothing wrong with it.

So I began talking to her in the building some to get to know her some. I've started liking her even more, and it seems as though she is starting to like me too. Always saying hi to me in the hallway everytime she saw me. As I walk by her office, she seems to look up at me as if she's wondering ("Why doesn't he stop in?&quot. She's got a great personality. And when you talk to her, she makes you feel like you've already known her for years.

I know she's a single mom. She's never talked about having a husband or a boyfriend, and everytime I see her out in the public outside of work sometimes, she's always alone.

I gave her my phone number and home e-mail address at one point, left her a note in her office while she was gone. When she found the note, she replied to it by e-mail through my home address. She says she isn't interested in dating anyone at this point, but that was like last year. Yep, so that shows she's either single or divorced. Because if she was married or have a boyfriend, she would have told me right off the bat. But she loved the note I wrote her and she said she likes me a lot and thinks I'm a great guy. But we still remain close friends in the building.

So here we are, another year has gone by. We're still close friends in the building, haven't lost contact, still talking to her all the time.

Last year for Christmas, I gave her a christmas card with a little Elvis Presley refrigerator magnet gift to go along with it. She loved it.

Since I'm a musician playing gigs and stuff, I've played guitar for 10 years. I've given her free copies of CD's with my music on them and she enjoys my music very much. I've had a show at a local bar to play an acoustic set opening for bands. I've invited her to come see me play. Well, she said, she definitely may try to come to see me play the show, she just need to find a babysitter and it's hard for her to find a babysitter with her being with two kids especially when my show is on a Monday night, her work night, and the show was an hour away from her hometown, so I understood that she didn't show up. So that's a clue that she's willing to spend time with me outside of work.

Just a few weeks ago, there was a company Holiday Party that Reserve America threw for the whole building. And yes she was there. Alone, again. No new boyfriend or husband or anything. I went over to her table where she was sitting, tapped her on the shoulder and waved to her, said hi to her and talked to her for a few minutes. Looks excited to see me. Me and my best friend Larry DJ'ed the Holiday Party, so after I talked to her, I went back to the DJ table to DJ the party with my best friend.

During the party, I've been wanting to slow dance with her and hopefully give her a big Christmas hug before she left. But everytime a slow song came on, she would walk outside and smoke a cigarrette outside. When the party ended, I was looking around for her in hopes of getting a Christmas hug from her. I've always wanted a hug from her and hopefully one day I will get one. But no big loss, I wasn't heartbroken or anything, since I'll see her on Monday anyway after the weekend party.

As I went Christmas shopping, I bought her another Christmas card, this time with a 10$ gift card to Best Buy. In the card, I wrote, "Here is a little treat from someone who wants to be your friend". Didn't give it to her yet, but I will give it to her on Monday. It'll let her know that I'm still interested in her. It'll also make her happy.

I made her happy just last Friday. At work, there was a Food Drive competition, since she is in charge of the Food Drive competition, I'd ask the HR staff if I can help out and be a part of it, and they let me. I made her extremely happy when I went to work last Friday on a day off just to help her count the food items for the Food Drive competition. That made me feel good. She got all excited. If she did that thing by herself it would have taken her forever to count all the food items people brought in for the Food Drive. I will make her even more happier when I give her the Christmas card Monday. When she's happy, I'm happy. When work got over with for the day, I walked out with a smile on my face. I never felt that happy in my life, that was a great work day for sure.

Now it seems like some other employees are trying to get me to do certain jobs with her like have me help her do some filing in her office and stuff. Why is that? Is it because the building are starting to know that I like her? Are they trying to hook me up with her? Who knows. Only time will tell.

Since she is so busy in the building that she has hardily any time to spend time with me around the building, I just see if she needs any help in her office just so I can spend time and talk to her.

So as you can see, I'm just starting things small. Just taking my time and going with the flo. Waiting for the right time to try asking her out again. My goal is hoping that I could spend more time with her outside of work as "friends" first. Like go out to dinner, go shopping, go to a movie, take a walk through town, go to live music shows, etc. I would like to spend time with her more, get to know her more personally that's not work related. She seems like a fun woman to hang out with. For now start off with friends with her first and go from there in hopes of maybe starting a serious relationship with her. From what I see, she seems like a perfect woman for me.

Any more advice you could give me? Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

[eDJ]

Yes, I'm glad you have a bond starting with someone you like
now. It appears she likes you and responds favorably to your
interest. It's interesting how things seem to work out at the office with the food drive too.

This is a wonderful time in a relationship when you are able to
slowly get to know each other. It seems to offer many opportunities to build connections with each other. It would
also offer a chance to learn more about the music she truly
likes to listen to.

I don't know if you write musical scores or not, but you could
arrange something to play for her, live, when opportunity presents itself, she may enjoy it. Most women would be flattered by that.

I would just work to keep a good solid friendship in place the way you're doing right now. She may have things going in the background which she would have to have finished up
before she could take any guy serious. Being a Mom to a couple kids is loads of responsibility and quite difficult for the single mom. I was with a single Mom and her boy who was just starting first grade....for about a year and a half. I had known her almost a year before starting a relationship with her. It was only because I was moved in my work and she went on to another College that we broke up. She needed to
finish her education and I needed to gain work experience in my field then, so it was better for both of us even though a
disappointment.

Perhaps sometime the two of you could go with the kids to a movie....where the two of you could sit a row or two behind them for a little more privacy.

There are those who suggest that there are three states of
mind......child......adult.....parent. Once you're a parent it's hard to go back to being an adult. Often parents see adults
as overgrown teen agers and the adult person is confused by it. Parents have like their own club somehow. When you are
an adult around parents you may notice how you are treated or delt with differently by some of them. It isn't that an adult person has done something wrong......it's just that that the parents figure the adults don't know cause they haven't been there. The same with married people and those who live together unmarried.....the married may treat those living together differently.

If you can understand that it may help in understanding why some of the things go on at work with different people the way they do. It may make it a little easier to understand.

Still, it may be worthwhile to smile and be friendly with some other girls too. Life is like a game of numbers and the more you play the greater the odds that luck will be with you.

In time you should try to find out if the woman you mention is
serious about some other man, perhaps a single Dad with kids.
If she thinks you will ever be more than just friends or would want to be. Many single Moms place their kids before themselves.....only considering a love interest once their kids are thru high school. But, there are all different kinds of people and some women may not wait for the kids to grow up.
Thus you both need to know where this is leading for both of you, and the only way to do that is to talk about it honestly.
Each of you owes the other that much...to honestly know where you stand with each other, your hopes for the future,
and relationship as anything more than frineds.

That's what I see in the information you present. Understand a single adult guy dating a single parent Mom with kids is a difficult undertaking. But for now I'd just enjoy the holiday festivities at the office and the friendship.

eDJ

[WallyLlama]

Hmmm... Patience is a virtue but it can also be over done.

If you want a relationship with this woman, you need to suggest that you do something with her and her kids. They are obviously a huge part of her life and they will need to be part of yours if you're going to do more than flirt with her.

Take them all to a movie... to some Christmas event that's good for kids...

Crank up the volume.

[Greendale]

Yep, if she knows that I like her kids and even she enjoys seeing me play like "hide and go seek" or wrestle with them or something, that's another way to get her to like me more. It'll let her know that I care for her kids.

I wouldn't mind being a step dad. I like kids myself.

And I agree with you guys that it's good if I spend time with her and her kids both if she has trouble finding a babysitter at night.

Maybe that's why she isn't interested in dating anyone, she did say that to me when I asked her if she wants to be friends the last time.

Yeah, women like confidence in men. So instead of giving her the Christmas card while she's not in her office, I'll give it to her in person.

I agree it is hard being a single mom, but if I can find a way to help her out, that would be cool.

I think my plan is stay friends with her until she's ready to star dating men again. When she announces that she wants to date again, I think I'll deifnitely try it then. But I'm not going to rush anything though. I don't want to scare her off so I'm being very careful with this one. She's very cool. And such a sweetheart too.

[Greendale]

Woman of My Dreams update: 12/28/04

Well, I dropped off the Christmas card I got her along with the 10$ gift card to Best Buy in her office since she wasn't at work one day. When she got in, she got the card. I didn't hear from her until I got back to work today. When I arrived at work this morning, there was a green envelope with my name on it. So I sat at my desk, opened the envelope. In it was a new card from her, with her note in that she wrote directly at me. In it was the 10$ Best Buy card I got her, she returned the gift to me and rejected it.

In the card she wrote me that she loves the idea of me giving her the gift card but she can't accept it, then she wishes me a merry christmas and new year.

Wonder why she rejected the gift card when she accepted the Elvis refrigerator magnet I got her last year? Is 10 dollars too much and too soon for her? That's what I think. I think she felt a 10 dollar gift card was too soon for her. Or if she really is married? I mean, if she was married, she would have told me in the card right off the bat. But she didn't say anything about being married. So I think that's a good lesson for next year's Christmas to start getting her tiny stuff like the refrigerator magnet. Maybe she did felt it was too soon to give her that. Maybe she felt like I was rushing her.

But since she gave me a Christmas card too which made me happy, that shows she is willing to be my friend.

There is nothing wrong with being "close friends" with her whether she is married or not. I wonder why she was making a big deal out of 10 dollars though? Isn't that what co-workers/employees at work do is give each other gifts on Christmas to someone you're close to at work? Yep, sure is. That's exactly what I told her after I read her note in her card.

That's what I got to be careful of. I don't want to look like I'm rushing her. Don't want to scare her off.

But anyways, I'm not sad or upset or anything that she rejected the gift card. That's what so cool about her is that she is good at rejecting things she doesn't want without upsetting men.

I'm thinking about asking her out for a lunch break at work tomorrow, if we do go to lunch together, she'll probably end up explaining why she rejected the gift card. I'm not going to ask her 'cause I don't want her thinking that I was upset about it when I wasn't, I'm sure she'll probably end up bringing up the situation herself anyways.

Any advice on any of this? Just thought I'd give an update since somehting happened.

[Howard.moe]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Greendale @ Dec. 28 2004,20:04)]So I sat at my desk, opened the envelope. In it was a new card from her, with her note in that she wrote directly at me.

That's what I got to be careful of. I don't want to look like I'm rushing her. Don't want to scare her off.

This is not intended to offend you, Greendale, but you are starting to sound like a stalker.

When you talk about the note she wrote "directly at me", it sounds like you have put this woman up on some kind of pedastal. That isn't healthy man. It sounds like you are obsessing over this woman. And when you say that you "don't want to scare her off", that is just creepy. "Friends" don't have to worry about scaring eachother off, because friends are each comfortable with one-another. Again, I'm not trying to offend you and I'm not a doctor, but it looks to me like you are starting down a dark path. I could be wrong... I hope I'm wrong. Again, sorry if I have offended you... just expressing concern.

[lilly2279]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Greendale @ Dec. 20 2004,18:23)]Maybe that's why she isn't interested in dating anyone, she did say that to me when I asked her if she wants to be friends the last time.

I think my plan is stay friends with her until she's ready to star dating men again. When she announces that she wants to date again, I think I'll deifnitely try it then. But I'm not going to rush anything though. I don't want to scare her off so I'm being very careful with this one. She's very cool. And such a sweetheart too.

You asked her to be friends before? And what happened in the past? Give me a short version, or a link to the previous post where you tried this.... What happened?

Next... I do see the motive for the post on being friends.. you don't want to just be friends. You believe she is going to chill with you for a bit, go out to dinner and movies and to all kind of romantic places together (as friends only, of course) and she'll eventually fall in love with you.

You think she may walk up to you next month and say "well, I'm ready to date!" That would be an announcement... Is that what you're looking for? Well, I've kind of said a bunch about this on your post about the same girl and being just friends with her..

[Greendale]

No, no, no, I'm not trying to stalk her. I'm not obsessed with her either. If I was obsessed with her I'd be all over her every single day but we only see each other like once in a while. It's hard to talk to her with having different positions and different work schedules in the same building.

We're officially friends now, I just saw her the other day. As I was waiting outside for my ride from work, I saw her come out the door for a ciggarette break, she looked right at me, smiled and say hi. I plan on asking her to lunch next week so we can get a chance to know each other a little better.

And lilly in answer to your question, the first time I asked her she wants to be friends, she replied back, "I think you're a great guy and a wonderful person and all but I'm at a point in my life where I'm not able to open myself up to anyone". When she means "open", she's reffering to a romantic kind of a thing. Then at work, I've talked to another close friend of mine who was trying to get me hooked up with her, said when she means she doesn't want to date with a hard life in her right now, she's telling the truth and she means it. If she wanted to date again, she would be talking about it all over the building. I know she's a single mom, 'cause she would have told me "she is married" right off the bat but she never said anything about having a husband/boyfriend. 'cause you know that's what all married women say "Sorry I'm married", when guys try to hit on married women. Then after she's said that comment above to me, I told her, "I wasn't asking to date you or anything, just interested in being friends that's all. Since you're a cool person, I'd like to get to know you more." Something like that. Then she understood what I meant.

And yes, lilly, start off friends first and maybe more later, see how things go from there. Isn't that how all new relationships start off with? Friends first, maybe more later? That's what I rather do.

[lilly2279]

Well did you ever ask her out to lunch? *You said you were going to a while back, but there has been no update. *

I really don't think she's interested at all in you. *I think when she says "you're a great guy, but I'm just not ready to date" she is trying to let you down easy. *She's obviously a nice person, but is not ever going to be interested in you in that way. *I highly doubt she will ever go out with you as friends.

She knows you want to date her. *You're constantly giving her CD's of your music, roaming in her office and dropping off cards, asking if she needs you to do anything for her, trying to get hugs from her (and she's running outside to get away), and telling everyone at work how much you like her. *She knows!

She has kids and I'm sure she has the kind of guy in mind that she would like to date. *It would probably include a guy who has his own vehicle and doesn't have to wait for a ride after work? *I'm sure she would not want to get involved in an office relationship anyway. *Even if you were her type of guy.

And you probably totally creeped her out when you showed up on her day off to "help" with the food drive. *She knew you were just there to see her.

You always talk about how excited she is when you do this or that. *I sure would like to know what kind of excitement she is expressing, because I think you are constantly misreading it. *She sounds like she is just too nice to say "I don't want to date you, ever, please stop pursuing me and telling everyone you like me, like we are in high school!" *She may be tired of people teasing her about you liking her. *

I always wanted to tell it to you straight like that, but thought the truth might hurt. *But considering the posts you have been doing, it seems you are ready to hear the truth!

If she wanted to date you, she would be doing so. *She doesn't want to date you, maybe you should stop stalking her at work. *She's getting majorly creeped out, but is too nice to say so.

She rejected the gift card because she does not want to encourage your pursuit of her. Plain and simple.

[JNII]

Yea greendale im sorry man. Props to lilly for stepping up and just breakign the news to you, shes absolutely right. And you just keep getting deeper adn deeper down the road adn you don't even know it. If your not goign through hell over her at home wen your alone already, you will soon if you keep this up. You need to seperate yourself from her adn just get her out of your head otherwise your days are gonna be long adn hard. Im sorry this had ot happen to you. Ive been there adn its a nightmare.