New relationship, hot/cold

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Hi,

Well, its taken some guts to post here, and this is my first post, so please don't be too harsh! Also, feel free to ignore it - I think I just need to ramble to get stuff off my chest!

A few months ago I met this girl at a party (she is a friend of a friend) and ended up sleeping with her for the night. Nothing really happened afterwards and I thought that it was just a one-night stand sort of thing. I really liked her and would liked to have made something out of it, but I got the impression that she didn't really, plus I'm too shy!

A couple of weeks ago we were both at another party, a posh one, so all the men were wearing dinner suits. After dinner, she asked me to slow dance with her, which I did. We kissed, but only as friends might, nothing major.

She sent me a text message that night, telling me I looked 'very dapper' in my suit and asking if I wanted to meet up for a drink, which of course I said yes to. The evening went really well, and we talked about loads of stuff. We kissed before I left, but nothing happened (she dropped hints as to me getting a taxi, so I did!).

Since then we have agreed to meet up on two seperate occasions, which she has turned down just before. From her text messages I get the impression that she really does want to meet up (in one she says she really likes me), so I don't really know what to think. We are definitly going to be meeting up tomorrow (I am going with friends to dinner to her house, where we have some other mutual friends).

I know (from friends) that past experience has led her to believe that blokes only want one thing from her: sex. That's not the case with me, and I hope that I'm communicating that. In a way, I think that her sending me home the other night was good, as I think it means she's trying to "do things properly" in this relationship, rather than just having another one-night stand. However, I'm finding the whole situation really odd - it's like having read chapter 10 of a book, and then going back to the beginning and reading it from scratch. I really really don't mind not having sex, and just want to go at her speed and do whatever she's happy with; however, I don't want to appear un-interested.

I'm not really sure what my question even is! I guess just any advice anyone may have who has been in a similar situation, or any perls of wisdom I can use!

This is a massively long first post, so my apologies!

[DMC87]

Tell her what you told us...

[vagabondprince]

or, since that's a very difficult thing to do, just make sure you express your interest enough. it sounds like text message is your primary form of communication. maybe a phonecall instead of a text message might convey a more personal message. I could think of more to say, but i'm trying to get out of here so i'm gonna leave it at that. good luck!

[WallyLlama]

Vag's observation brings out this factor: the medium is (sometimes) the message. (You'll have to research that one; it goes back a few years.) In other words, the method of communication can dramatically affect how and what you communicate. That MIGHT explain some of the differences you are feeling from her.

If I read the story correctly, the relationship started with a one-night stand. I'm not so sure I'd consider her sending you home on a succeeding date as a positive...

But I do believe the situation is too complicated because you're both dancing around. You weren't too shy to bed her, don't use that as an excuse to avoid talking with her. Do not approach the relationship at the speed she's comfortable with... the way you should relate is by negotiating that speed. If you keep doing what you're doing, you leave the relationship to fate... and, for all you know, she may be sitting there wondering about the same things you are.

Tell her what you want (don't make it a life plan or proposal, just a simple explanation of how you feel) and ask her what she wants.

[Notjustaprettyface]

I completely agree with Wally.

Tell her how you feel about the situation, and express your interest... She might be testing the waters. My guess is that she is afraid to put herself out there, she is afraid of being rejected. Reassure her... things should move on from there.

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thank you to all for your really helpfull comments - they tie up with what my r/l friends have told me. I've been going crazy the last few days, switching between 'does she/doesn't she' moods, and I realised today that I'm worrying about this because I don't know the answer. If I knew how she was feeling, regardless of the answer I'd feel better.

An example may proove how stupid this is getting. We did meet up, and had dinner and went for a drink with friends, but I hadn't realised how totally weird it would be surrounded by people we knew. We were both sort of representing different friend groups (although others were as well) so we wern't left to get on and talk to ourselves. Consequently we hardly spoke a word to each other all evening, and spent the time throwing each other awkward glances. As soon as we left I sent her a text message (sorry vbprince!) saying that I wasn't ignoring her, it was just a bit weird.

I then spent the rest of last night and all of today worrying because I didn't get a response. Finally I phoned her about 8 tonight (hey vbpince!) She didn't answer, but I got a text from her from her friends phone explaining she had run out credit, and that she definitly wanted to see me again before I went back home for xmas (wednesday).

So there we are, I guess. We will meet up. I now know I have to speak to her, tell her how I feel and find out how she feels. I'm excited. More than that, I seem to have found a more secure side to myself. I can't mess around in life oohing and ahhing and maybeing - I should just say how I feel and see what happens. The worst that can happen would happen anyway, it would just happen quicker.

Thanks to you all for helping me make this decision. You may not think you have, but you did! Good night.