Our girlfriends have bonded.. too much?

[Serotonin32]

My friend and I have been friends for about a year now, and we both have serious long-term relationships. *He is aged 21 while I'm 18. *Both of our girlfriends don't have a lot of other girlfriends to hang out with, and both have expressed in the past the want to become greater friends. *

Two nights ago we went drinking at his house, and through a quick game of pacman, and a new high score, *we got our two girlfriends to kiss. *Throughout the night we ended up kissing everybody, with no regards to any relationship, but our girls were really into it. *

Throughout the next day, conversations with my girlfriend went on in which she said she was interested in trying something with her sexually, and we decided that this would be okay as long as it was a group-type activity. *(i.e. It's not cheating if I'm there mentality) *After much talk and preperation, I told my friend about this and he too had his own stories. *Within the next few hours both of our girlfriends knew of each others wants. *That night we went over to their house to hang out again. *After a while the girls wanted to go to sleep, and they did. *

When morning came, they had a few stories to tell. *Durning the night they had gotten together, made out, fingered and ate out eachother, and had a good time. *This was shocking, weird, and cool all at the same time until we heard that they had decided that they don't want us to be a part of it, and they want to continue this 'relationship' on thier own. *This is the current stop we are at now. *

I feel as if these ideas were brought on because they both thought that we would act too immature about the subject (as horny guys do) *and that it would be ruined. *We previously had talked about us watching and them showing off for us, and later getting into the action also. *We want to prove to them that we are mature enough to handle this. *We are, and we just want an experience too. *We have come to the conclusion that if they want to keep a relationship that it would be okay as long as it came 2nd to our heterosexual ones. *

They are becoming great friends in other ways, and we really enjoy them together. *We're at a loss at what to do. * We are mature enough to handle this, and we just want to have an experience with them. *A lesbian experience and a multiple partner experience are quite different, so we are willing to let them continue this too. *We don't always want to be right there, but we feel as if we should be a part of it, as they might have a problem if we go sleep with another woman, they should see our problems with it. *

Most of our problem is the fact that we are afraid of losing the dominant role in our girlfriends sex lives. *My friend also has another problem, him and his girlfriend have never had vaginal sex because she wants to wait until marriage, while they have done everything else together. *It hurts him cause he feels as this is the equivalent to that. *We want to allow our girlfriends to have freedom sexually, and we don't want to tell them no for no real reason. *It is exciting and scary at the same time. *We want to turn them on towwards the thought of being able to do this together as a group, but we need advice, soon. *We are going to talk to them tonight about this situation and whats going on for them. *What we are telling them is:

We want to be a part of this relationship because:

a) We want to be active in their sexlives all the time

b) Feel as if they get another sexlife with no reprecussions
towards their relationship

c) We generally are interested in experimenting

We're going to tell that that they continue this relationship as long as they include us, and consider us as their first want/need. *We don't want them to hang out together each time they are horny and leave us in the dust. *They can be together privately every once in a while, but not all the time and to try and keep us in the circle. *

We are so confused right now, and are scared out of our minds. *Please any advice will do, please help us out.

[monie]

I dont know... the girls in this situation seem to want to have their own thing without you and your friend involved, while you and your friend want to be involved. It looks like they want to be "allowed" to cheat. (By the way, since you initially agreed that it was ok for them to do stuff together IF you were there, then they went and did it without you two there, they each cheated on you and your friend. Think about that please.)

Even if you all come to an agreement about things, I do see it having a potential for major problems down the line. I think you and your friend, as well as your relationships, will wind up being hurt by this, especially since you are so iffy about it right now.

Those are my thoughts. I hope you figure something out before anyone gets hurt.

[WallyLlama]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Serotonin32 @ Dec. 11 2004,14:47)]Most of our problem is the fact that we are afraid of losing the dominant role in our girlfriends sexlives.

Thank you for stating the problem so succinctly.

There is an old saying, "Be careful of what you wish for because you just might get it." It's quite apparent that you wanted the girls to get together.

If you re-read what you posted I think you'll discover that the entire situation (problem) now seems to be more about the guys than the gals. You say you want them to have sexual freedom, but the reality is you want them to do what YOU want them to do.

If you want to dominate your partner's sex lives, you may have to request that they end the very relationship you encouraged. Your other choice is to allow them to continue what you started and hope they'll decide to make it a foursome.

I also wonder if the girls are simply messing with your heads. Since it's apparent you wanted them to experiment, maybe they told you they are to get a little control of the situation.

[demonbuttercup]

Yeah I think it's funny how some guys think its sooo cool that their g/f's will kiss other girls or want them to fool around with other girls, but as soon as they can't watch or be a part of it, then it's the most horrible thing ever.
I think Wally's point of "becareful what you wish for..." fits this scenerio too perfect.

[monie]

Very good points guys. Stuff I should've thought about when I replied, but I didnt. Oh well.

You should make sure that they're not just messing with your heads...

[Serotonin32]

In response to my earlier post, and to everybody elses....

When I wrote that I was at a depressed state because I didn't know what to expect. *Both of us had conversations with this about our girlfriends and it was always stated that we needed to be a part of it. *

I have come to terms with my insecurities, and me and my girlfriend live in a great relationship where we're okay with having feelings towards others because it wouldn't interfere with our relationship. *

Currently, my friend is dealing with this in another way that I don't agree with. *He feels cheated, somehow (not sure exactly how), while I feel overall very good about the experience.
*
So yes, in the back of our minds, yes we wanted our girlfriends to do it, every guy has that fantasy, but to me it wasn't about that. *After this experience my girlfriend and I are much closer. *I feel that the experience really opened up her eyes, and they opened mine too. *

Currently my friend feels scared about this continuing, because he doesn't want to share his girlfriend. *I don't feel as if I'm sharing her because I'm a part of the experiences. *Both of our girls have wanted to include us, fully, but originally felt that we would just act like immature guys staring at their girlfriends without any respect or maturity. *After this was talked about, they felt comfortable with us, and were interested in continuing as long as everything was okay with everybody. *

After finding out that my friend has a problem with this right now, they have both stopped and agreed that if it never happens again, it will be okay, because the relationships that we already have are more important. *Currently, we're just being there for eachother as friends. *My friend is still confused about how he feels, but eventually things will be figured out, so whether he is comfortable with this in the future is uncertain, but the root of the problem stemmed from sexual problems within their own relationship, not of the new one formed. *

Overall, nothing bad has come out of this. *Our girlfriends have come out with new experiences and a new close friend. *I have come out with more maturity, relationship strength, and a better understanding of my girl. *Besides my friend's confusion, I feel this whole experience was a positive one.

(Edited by moderator to improve "readability&quot