Getting to know a girl by having sex?

[Poetic Skye]

I have a deep frustration with guys that I can't even explain. I don't know if it's just me or if it's the average life of an adult for people to get to know each other right away by having sex, and I mean that by any form the first time they meet someone. How do guys expect to get into a meaningful relationship with someone if it begins with sex. I just hate the idea. I'm still adjusting to the grown-up life and I miss those younger days when as a kid, a boy would ask you out, you go to a movie kiss and hold hands. I guess maybe I'm just having a age transition crisis. I just feel like things are too rushed now. And it's hard for me to even bring this issue up with the guys I know because I feel they will think that i'm the uptight and scared one, when really I just want to find a guy who wants to get to know a woman by conversation, and just being around each other. I get it, that I've found the wrong guys, or they found the wrong girl. I know it's good to have ittle fun every once in a while, but I want to be taken seriously and I don't know how to stress that without a guy walking away from me, simply because I won't lift my skirt(metaphorically). This happens to me online, and people who just hit on me out of nowhere. I certainly don't come across as a sex object, at least not to myself, but I'm just not getting it. I have yet to be in an actual relationship and though I'm 19, I feel like I deserve a good guy who cares enough for me to not want to rush or feel it necessary to rush anything. Is it my personal trouble, or is it an overall issue? If it's my problem please feel free to tell me what I'm doing wrong.

[Poetic Skye]

Oh I should add that I don't mean it's wrong when it comes to one-night stands or sex-buddies because those situations are straight-forward and to-the-point of no further intentions. My previous post refers to people who are actually seeing each other and have intentions of being seriously involved with, who rush into sex. Good Day

[vagabondprince]

skye, i'm just curious, trying to put a better picture together, when you say the guys you meet rush things, how soon are they expecting sex out of the relationship?

right now what i can think of to say is the guys around your age are generally still rather immature. sex is the centerpiece of any relationship for them (i say "them" and not "us" because i'm a little different than the average 19 yr old guy). there's nothing wrong with you in expecting more out of a relationship than sex. you've just gotta keep your eyes out for those exceptional guys that want something else.

[camman]

How sure are u that they want a relationship.We as guys will say alot to get to the next level. If we think saying i want a realtionship will get us there faster i think most wouold jump on the opertunity.
And u were talkin about the internet. I think guys are more open over the web cuse they dont have to deal with alot of the problems they might have with girls. Like suttering and such. But yea , they might feel more sexually aggresive even if its not thier normal nature.
Not all of us are bad though keep faith in us. We have a few good members.

[WallyLlama]

To some extent, I think much of this comes down to knowing and expecting what you want out of an experience, life, a relationship.

Young people tend to live for the moment and that's not limited to sex. It leads to over-spending, over-drinking, drugs, and lots of sex. (Hmmm. Come to think of it, where do I sign up? LOL)

I see nothing wrong with stepping back from that... with wanting to explore another person on different levels. In other words, I don't think this is "your problem."

Granted, it may be a problem (difficulty) finding guys who share your thoughts, but that doesn't mean you're wrong and it doesn't mean you have to go with the crowd.

Your analysis is probably correct, you're making an age (maturity) transition. If a guy walks away because you won't lift your skirt, breathe a sigh of relief that you didn't get involved with someone who thinks differently than you do. You're also right - you deserve a good guy who cares enough for me to not want to rush or feel it necessary to rush anything.

You'll find him. Or he'll find you. Just keep acting like the person he's looking for.

[Greendale]

That is why I'm still a virgin at 28 years old. I'm the type of guy that is not going to rush into sex. My partner will have to be trusted and known well before deciding it.

No wonder relationships end so quickly because all guys think about is getting into her pants right away. What about treating her like a human being and treat her like a queen for a while first? Sounds like a plan to me.

[lilly2279]

Greendale, You're so sweet and mature. *Need more guys like that. *I actually just took the poll about how soon you give it up and made a comment, as well. *

Waiting is great and a very good idea. *And if guys pressure you, then they can hit the road. *No biggie. *

As for guys on the net...

If I had a dime for every guy who asked lewd questions and make very inappropriate suggestions, well, I guess I'd have a piggy bank full of dimes. *lol.

I don't chat much anymore, but when I used to I was amazed at the gall of guys asking such forward questions! *I got in the habit of saying "if you had just met me in person, would you ask me this?" *of course they say no, or lie and say "why not?" *When you know damn good and well they would NOT ask if you you're shaved completely and if you like anal if you were talking in the grocery checkout line or something, ya know? *lol * *THEN guys who would ask gross questions would get angry when I would tell them I'd rather not share and call ME a prude. *I just laugh because of the fact that I'm pretty opposite of a prude and had they actually gotten to know me, they probably would have been very surprised. *lol. Sometimes I would even say "that's awful funny since I sell sex toys for a living, I am completely shaven and love anal. And well now you know and now I'm blocking you. Good luck on not being an ass in the future!" he he

[monie]

Hahahahaha! Online guys can be so stupid... Ive met quite a few like you describe. However, Ive also met a few decent ones, also a few good ones, whom i still talk to regularly. Just gotta be careful.

I feel that I wait long enough to know what the guy is really in for. But, who knows, I could be wrong sometimes... But i dont do it unless we are in a relationship.

[Joie]

Poetic Skye you sound like me. ive only had one sexual relationship of about 7 months. i like to wait until i know and trust a guy enough to sleep with them, coz i hate feelin used, i wait a few months perhaps! I usually make that clear to a guy when i start dating them. It annoys me tho wen you have said this to them and they start getting annoyed a week into a new relationship - i feel like sayin "look i warned you right from the start u would have to wait a while, if you don't like it, go and find someone else."