We are too sexual

[Andrewevenstar]

Well I am in Love with this girl, and we are everything to each other. We became best friends over the last couple of years then we just wanted more and we started seeing each other. Then I think things got complicated when we started being physical. We are so sexual, everytime we see each other (like weekends) we always are being sexual, giving each other multiple orgasms all the time. We don't have sex, but we are always doing everything else.

I guess lately it just seems like we are just always doing things, not really getting out and spending "quality" time together. She feels like i am only happy when we're being sexual. That is not true, but i understand she feels that way. we have talked about this issue and we both want the best for us and are willing to work on everything. We communicate very well and we both just want us to be happy. I guess it just feels like some of the friendship has been lost since we've been sexual.

I just want advice on how to stop, or how to repair this relationship. I'm only 19 and she's 17 but we are very mature for our ages and we desire only to be with each other forever. We can talk about anything. It's a tough relationship, I live in Ventura and she lives in Pasadena, it's very long distance. And there's more complications as well. I just need to fix this relationship because it is my life and she means the world to me. Any opions or advice are welcome, I'll do anything for this girl and for us. thanks.

(could this be moved to long term/marriage forum)

[WallyLlama]

I'm not sure I understand the problem here...

On the one hand you say you communicate very well... but on the other hand you say that she feels you're only happy when you're being sexual and that's not true.

I guess I'd have to ask "What makes you think you're being too sexual?"

On the surface, it sounds like you are complicating the relationship!

[DMC87]

I love the confidence there: 'every weekend we are giving each other multiple orgasms'. Are you now...

Anyway, technically the best thing you can do is forget about those 'multiple' orgasms and go out somewhere together, go see a film, go to a restaurrant, just somewhere together alone, possibly where you can talk, or somewhere that afterwards gives you something to have a gd conversation about. There you go, your not being too sexual, your going out communicating (which you do well anyway) and then you can go back to the 'multiple' orgasms.

I'm of course not suggesting anything by the quotes....

[vagabondprince]

it's difficult to back off in the sexual department sometimes because the idea comes up that because things are changing and cooling off in that departmend maybe the relationship is cooling off or going stale. Which is possibly why you are having trouble changing the way things are now. Find some common interests (musical interests could lead to a date to a concert, interests in art could lead to a date to an art museum, sports are always fun, get out and play tennis or some other two person sport(even if neither of you really knows how, you can hit the ball back and forth, buring off some of that energy that normally gets used up in the bedroom)). Find a common passion in something so that the energy from the sexual encounters can be redirected rather than left to dissipate and make it seem like things are cooling off.

[Andrewevenstar]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (WallyLlama @ Nov. 21 2004,02:40)]I'm not sure I understand the problem here...

On the one hand you say you communicate very well... but on the other hand you say that she feels you're only happy when you're being sexual and that's not true.

I guess I'd have to ask "What makes you think you're being too sexual?"

On the surface, it sounds like you are complicating the relationship!

Just lately we've been going through a hard time because of past issues with her and other past boyfriends. and it just feels like we are losing our friendship and a lot of what we are now is just sexual. but we do talk very well and we have talked about this. but it just seems like it's harder for us to get along now. either of us seems to be sad all the time. i love being sexual with her, but if it's hurting our relationship i want to avoid being sexual for a while.

we also both talk about going out and doing things, like we used to. it just seems like since we've been physical things have become more complicated. I just want to be with her and be happy, go out and do things. And I know she wants the same for us. We really do plan on being together forever and we both just want to work this out.

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]it's difficult to back off in the sexual department sometimes because the idea comes up that because things are changing and cooling off in that departmend maybe the relationship is cooling off or going stale. Which is possibly why you are having trouble changing the way things are now. Find some common interests (musical interests could lead to a date to a concert, interests in art could lead to a date to an art museum, sports are always fun, get out and play tennis or some other two person sport(even if neither of you really knows how, you can hit the ball back and forth, buring off some of that energy that normally gets used up in the bedroom)). Find a common passion in something so that the energy from the sexual encounters can be redirected rather than left to dissipate and make it seem like things are cooling off.

I'm really going to try to use my (our) enery in a different way than being sexual. i know she feels like we always are just talking serious, and it has been that way because of things that are going on. i know both of us are hurting right now but we're really trying to make things better. it's long distance so i dont' get to see her everyday. just like one or two days a week. i'm going to see her thanksgiving and i hope things are okay there and we dont' argue. i just really want things to get better. her and i have been through so much and things have always worked out. so i do have confidence in us, but i need to control myself more. and we need to get out more.

[eDJ]

Sex can do this when young. *You are now at the peak years of your male sexuality, she is now fertile and strong at 17. So often sex at this time of your life is easy to over-do. *I had worked at a steel fabrication plant as a laborer the summer before I met a first love and was physically at peak efficiency.

When we got together(we were in school) the first time we pulled all the stops for sex we started in around 9pm and finished around daylight. *We had sex till we had to stop and catch our breath and did it again and again all night. We slept
together much of the next day, wnt out for dinner, came home and sexed again almost as much the next night.

We felt guilty after a while wondering if we should set limits
but I later read of a psychiatrist referring to this as "Charismatic Sex". *The kind young people often have their first time out, or those who have been divorced and celibate for a while then meet a new love and go at it like teens again.

The thing you have to both remember......a woman's body gears up for reproduction when it is sexually stimulated. Especially the way you are stimulating it. *Your sperm count is off the chart at your age......so do be careful. *In the world today(in much of the USA) most young people aren't ready to support and raise children till into their twenties. Yet the bodies are able to reproduce maybe ten years earlier.

The problem for very young married people with a child is they suddenly have expenses they didn't have before. *They no longer have the freedom to go out party and have a good time, and are beset with financial worries when they can't make enough money to cover their expenses. *Not a good place to be at 18 and 20. *So contraception is most important
at this age when your fertility isn't able to be controlled by parents. *Yet they know if you guys get in trouble it will cost them. *Also one set of parents may not want the child and the others will. *A real worry for moms and dads of teens who
believe they are mature now.

Often if things get tough, one spouce may look at another person who is better off financially to hook up with and say to hell with this mess, leaving the other holding the debts or child. *Generally the girl wants the child but it doesn't always work that way. *If the girl gets caught with another guy while still married his parents may file for custody making it less expensive for their son, than sending her oodles of money for support and keeping him a slave to his workplace.

Many adults would suggest to teens that they be dating and learning the social skills of flirting, dancing, conversation, adult manners and etiquette etc and not trying to settle down when a teen before learning these skills. Teen relationships have enormous impact and seriousness on them then, but listen to people in their thirties look back on them and laugh at how naive they were then and if they had it all to do over again. *So, these are some thoughts I'd share with you about it all. *When my first love and I broke up I later learned she was madly in love with a guy wanting to get married to him within 60 days of our breaking up. *I on the otherhand waited a long time, finished school, got on my feet.
Last time I saw her, she had three kids was living in a mobile home park, driving a very old car and working a substandard job, still looking frantically for someone to marry her and fix
all the mistakes she had made since our breaking up.

In the teen years the guys have so much to learn and the girls seem to want so much from life. *Ignorance and want can be a dangerous mixture in teen relationships.

eDJ