Hi..any advice would be great..i just dont know what to do anymore!!! I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years , things were great but like every relationship we had our problems , i had doubts about things for a while , i was basically living with him in his house with his parents and his sisters children . I kissed another guy and i chose to tell him but i knew he was suspicious , he broke up with me but we decided to try and give it another go a week later . His father had been sick for a while and through everything i was there for him and at the hospital everyday all day as i was very close to his dad as well. The day after we got back together his father passed away and it was a very traumatic time for everyone but i was the strong one and "tried" as best i could to try and put the pieces together again when his sister had a heart attack 2 weeks later and died as well.I didnt think i could take anymore i was very stressed out and trying to look after her 3 kids(under5) while letting his family try and come to terms with what had happend . About a month later i was invited on holiday with my parents and thought it would be great for me to catch a breath for myself and chill out for a week , i also had alot to think about my relationship as sometimes i felt i was in it for the wrong reasons , anyway while i was on holiday my boyfriend was very paranoid , but i met someone else while i was there (that he has no idea about) , he was a friend of the family and my parents loved him , my boyfriend had always had problems with my family but they accepted him because they could see how much i loved him and what he was going through. I completely clicked with this guy and have spoken to him everyday since i have been back , 3 days after i got back i told my boyfriend i needed a break which came as a huge big surprise for him , but i needed to think about what i wanted.I came to the decision i didnt want the relationship anymore but felt so guilty..How could i leave him when he needed me the most in his whole life? Was i just an evil bitch who only thought about myself?All these things were running through my head , I know i have met the man of my dreams and he feels the same , but 4 years of a relationship i cant just forget and my boyfriend genuinely thought we would be together through everything and now i have just deserted him , not because i am a selfish bitch , but for sometime this hasnt been the right thing for me and things just all seemed to happen at the wrong time , Its been about 3 weeks now and i have spoken to him a few times , i still see the children because they are all my god children and his mother who im really good friends with , but he told me yesterday he hates me and never wants to see my face again , im so hurt by this all , i just wanted to be honest with him , but i know that guilt is going to make me go back and feel sorry for him and regret then all the decisions i have made.I have been asked to move away to a brilliant job and leave the place i live and know deep down its something i have always dreamed of doing , but how do i leave him when he needs me as a girlfriend(not anymore) but i know he thinks there is hope for us , i feel so sorry for him , 4 years and im so cruel , i cried and cried when i told him it was over , he knows i am always going to be here for him but not the way he wants , Should i follow my heart and try and make a go of things with this new guy who i really really like , or do i wait and make sure my ex boyfriend is alright and ready to move on before i do??? Please help its so complicated , I think if his sister and father hadnt died 2 months ago , i wouldnt feel so bad , but he needs me and i cant give him everything because i dont love him like i used to..
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10-20-2004, 06:36 AM
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