The ones that WORK

[Dogman]

I'm in a relationship, and going through this site gets me really down about it. I think it is because no one is going to post that there relationship is going great, people only post if they have problems, and after reading this site for some time and looking at all the problems I am loosing faith in this whole love thing and why i'm even trying at it, I feel like i'm going to get crushed but I have no proof of that and reading all the lost relationships on this site really gets me sad.

Basically I want to hear of some relationships that worked and are rewarding, especially long distance ones that worked out in the end because that is what i'm in now.

[demonbuttercup]

Well why don't you start!
tell us how good things are going w/ you?
I would have a positive story to tell up until last week lol. oh well. But Im doing better and things are going a little better

[WallyLlama]

Some years ago, when I decided to quit smoking I joined a number of "Quit Smoking" forums. I found about one person who was actually looking forward to quitting. The others all were enjoying posting about how difficult it was and how many times they'd failed. Within two weeks I'd left the board because it was actually detrimental to my goal! (The person I found there was actually looking forward to quitting became an email buddy and we actually did find each other helpful through the process.)

So I think your observation is valid and - to some extent - it's the nature of the beast. Bear in mind, most people don't watch the "Ricky Lake" type programs to see how well-adjusted people are doing. Some even say they enjoy watching because it's nice to know there are people more screwed up than they are. Many people do enjoy problems, whether it's their own or somebody else's.

If there's any magic in this, it's understanding that the measure of your relationship is within each of you. It's obvious to say that just because someone else had the problem, that doesn't mean you will. What may not be obvious is that the success stories also only have slight relevance. (If people started posting how wonderful their relationship is many wouldn't believe it... and, I can tell from experience, some of these wonderful relationships would not appeal to me personally.)

I've had (and have) some truly wonderful and rewarding relationships, but those have no real relevance to you any more than the problem relationships do that you read on the board.

If you want to enjoy love and keep your faith, look to your partner and yourself. Spend some of the time you're spending here emailing her... even if you don't think you have anything to say. Study her beauty and invest in her. Remember that it is a partnership... if you invest in the partnership; there will be a return.

Wally

[Rawbob]

I am at work, so i can't be as verbose as i usually am on such subjects, but Dogman, i think if you look around you'll see that in many of the longer strings, there are many posts of success stories - specifically on the issue of long distance relationships.

That said, I have been with my lover for just under 8 years. We met online (yep, aol), dated, moved in together and have been together ever since.

There have been some very challenging times in our relationship, tempers flared, stomping out, long drives, etc...but we both knew we had invested alot into our marriage and it was better to work it out then to throw it aside and start over.

We work very hard every day to keep our relationship alive. We are each others best friend, hell, we even work at the same company! Add to this we're gay, have children from a previous marriage and man.....you'd think us being happy would be damned near impossible...but oh it's so far from the truth.

Our company knows we are gay AND a couple, our kids know we are a gay couple and love us very much......(note, they don't call me daddy, and my son dosn't call my partner daddy)....both our families know and love us deeply and we them.

Sexually, we are like most real couples. Some times we f*** like rabbits, and sometimes we're lucky if we even get time to give each other more than a kiss at nite. But we now know that sex is like the tides....there will be high times..and low times but it's always going to be there!

So, i hope this helps you see that there ARE success stories out there!

[thetease13]

Well, I'll probably get reemed by someone on here by talking about my relationship, but screw it. I'm just giving him some food for thought.

To put it simple, we're not supposed to be together, but, we are. And by "together" I mean that most of our relationship is based off sex. That is pretty much why we are together, but there is other stuff thrown in on the side of it, which keeps us hanging on.

We've known each other since around June of last year. I saw him for a few days, he went on vacation, he came back towards the end of July and admitted he was attracted to me, and it just developed from that. We started the "fooling around" in September/October, and first did it together in December. So technically we've been "together" for a little over a year and I can say that we've only grown closer. We will never be, but our time together, we will never forget.

There are times I want to smack him upside the head and never want to see him again. And there are times he wants to shoot me as well because I go through phases of clingyness and I drive him crazy during those phases.
But, the next time I see him, all the anger I ever had towards him for whatever he did just goes away. I've discovered I can't stay mad at him and I'm sure it works the same for him, otherwise we wouldn't still be doing this.

We are friends above any and everything else and I think that's pretty much what makes us work. He knows that I'm there for him, no matter what is happening or what is wrong or what is actually going right for once, and he knows that I care. And lets face it, everyone needs atleast once person who gives a damn in their life.

So, anyways, relationships only work if both parties are willing to make them work. Both parties have to figure out when things can happen, when things can't, when the other person needs space, and etc. If both are willing, it can work out. But when one (or both) aren't willing. is when it starts to fall apart.

And this is just a word of advice coming from me, the sap, live your relationship for the moment. Live it up to the fullest. Key into the other persons wants and needs. Because tomorrow, it may not be there.

[Dogman]

TheTease: I have a question

So your saying the relationship you have is just sexual, is it possible to form a sexual relationship and not form attachments and dare I say "love" the person even though it is just sexual?

Also, you have a sexual relationship, but what if you met someone who you might want to form a long term serious relationship with, would you be willing to break off the sexual relationship to form something with a may be Mr. right?

The reason I ask is because my g/f had a casual relationship with a guy and she said it didn't mean anything. Am I right in assuming she was just looking for attention and needed to get rid of some sexual needs? Also she is very sketchy and shady when I ask about this relationship, is it wrong for me to ask about it? Sometimes she thinks by asking I am calling her a whore but i'm not and that makes me feel like she is hiding something.... I guess i'm just insecure about it.

[thetease13]

I think in some cases it's possible. *Everyone is different.
There is some emotional attachment between us, especially on my part.
I love him to death. *I do. *He will always be a part of me. *He was my first for everything and that's something that no one can take away from me.

And honestly, I couldn't tell you whether or not I could completely break it off with him.
We've brought up the idea of what if he finds someone else and I find someone else, and it all just more or less boils down to we'd both still be on the side. *Now, I can't firmly say that's what would happen, but that's what we say right now.
So you know, even if we did find someone else, we'd have to find someone understanding enough to let us continue if we wanted to.
He's a really great friend of mine, so even if the sexual stuff stopped, I don't think I could completely shut him out. *It would tear me apart if I had to. *If we slowly drifted apart, then ok, but if I had to just end the friendship because my partner didn't understand, I couldn't handle it. *I just can't do that.

And I might as well just say it, but on a note: I'm not talking to anyone else on here but Dogman, so please, do not start something with me when I say this. I don't need a lecture of how "wrong" it is. That's not why I'm saying this.
The reason we cannot be is because he is married. *He's not exactly in the best of marriage anyways and I can say that pretty much the main reason they're still together is because of their kids.
I'm with him to I guess say, fill the void that she is not giving him.

Anyways, past relationships are always a "big issue". *And some people just don't like to talk about it because it's in the past. *Maybe she's sketchy because it didn't end well. *Or maybe she wanted more and he didn't or vice versa.
When she's ready to tell you about it, she will, and that's just something you're going to have to grin and bare.

[oberon]

Hi Dogman,

Great idea for a thread. *Rawbob beat me to pointing out that even the problems on here sometimes have a "happy ending". *I wish more people would come back and tell us how things worked out... *Oh, I think I know why they don't; once the problem is over, they're too busy getting on with their lives. *Anyway, happy stories...

I've been in a few long term relationships, but I'm single right now. *And wonder of wonders...lol... I'm not really looking. *I suppose if Mr. Right fell on my front doorstep, I'd go with it, but, otherwise, I'm pretty happy. *I have a full life, and a few good friends. *And, touching on something you asked thetease...

I have a few "friends with benefits". *It's mainly a sexual thing, but I'd say, "Yes, I do love them." *I think everyone involved knows these aren't "love of my life" situations, but we do care about each other and if one of us met someone that we wanted to be exclusive with, there would be nothing but happiness on the part of all concerned. *I suppose I wouldn't completely rule out one of these relationships turning more serious, but I think it would have to be mutual and the timing just right. *Right now, it's comfortable and nice. *As someone who once felt, "If I'm not in a serious, stable relationship by the time I'm thirty, I'll just DIE"... lol... well, almost seven years after thirty and I'm still here and, surprisingly enough, VERY happy. * Life is as good and happy as you make it.

Take care.

[lilly2279]

Dogman,

I guess I never really thought of the board as being just a bunch of problems, but I guess sometimes it just is. *It's true we're not going to just write in to say things are great, so-and-so did this for me, etc..., and why don't we? *

Why don't we all start? *Anyone who is in a relationship, tell us why you are so happy with your significant other. *If you're not in a relationship, feel free to tell us whatever good news you like.

I come to this board when I have questions. *I just recently wrote in because I was having a little problem with my boyfriend. *But not every relationship can be a fairytale. *Wait a second... Are any of them really fairytales? *We're still going to have to take out the trash, get the kids to school, go to work, etc.. *And you know, that's okay. *That's how life works. *A good way to look at this board is the fact that most of the people on here actually do care about their significant other. *They are on the board because they need advice on how to get through this or that rough patch, so they can continue with the one they love. *I think that's great!

I met my boyfriend at work (and the great people on this site where with me every step of the way, I felt!). *I absolutely adore him and we've only been together for about 4 months now. *He's pretty much everything I have ever wanted. *It took having a real nasty husband and a few loser boyfriends to make me appreciate him so much. *He's so kind to me and looks at me with so much love and seems to always be thinking or anticipating what I want or need. *I feel like he'd run to the ends of the earth for me sometimes. *I love when I'm in the car and he tucks a piece of hair back behind my ear and kisses my cheek and how he holds my hand or kisses me when I'm sleeping. *I love it when he pulls the back of my shirt up to kiss the small of my back and just about everything! *Do I get irritated when he was supposed to be washing dishes, but was looking at e-bay? *lol, yea! *But I think I'll get over it. *There are going to be problems, and when there are and I don't feel like discussing them with family and friends (because they tend not to forget stuff or it may be too sexually personal) I'll be back on here asking what others think because I want to continue having a great relationship with with this man.

[Tessie]

I have been married 16 years, still having great sex and don't fight to often. It can work.