Boyfriend just stopped calling...why?

[blklagoon]

Hi, I just now joined because I found your post in a search... since, well, I'm going through something similar and have already gone through it before- with the same guy! *wow, I'm dense...
anyway, love is what makes/made me hold onto hope. It's why I went searching today for others with this experience. I'm comforted to at least see it's not all that uncommon (even though it IS weird behavior).
I admit, I've totally ignored guys in the past in order to easily take a coward's way out. *But after it was done to me over a year ago, and after a certain age, I just could not do that to anyone ever again. *I even went back and apologized to those I pulled that on and explained to them why I did it.
But, in the case of my situation, it's still weird to me. *My boyfriend(?) or ex (I don't really know) stopped talking to me 5 days ago. *All communications stopped. We did get into a little (and I do mean minor) arguement just before this happened, and I guess that was the result. *I asked many times if that was the end, and got no reply. *He won't answer any text or emails or calls. *You'd think after 5 years he would not do that.
To make it worse, he did the SAME thing to me over a year ago. *I was mad at him for something, we started to argue about it... it got a little hairy, but next thing you know- he stopped all communications for 2 MONTHS. *I gave up, moved on (several times, hehe) and even deleted my email account, changed my number and moved so he couldn't even contact me. *9 months later, I was going to be in his area so I emailed him to be friendly and say hello in case I ran into him. *He explained he'd been trying to get a hold of me for a very long time. *We rekindled the flame.
But yep, here I am, 6 months into the rekindling and he's at it again. *Not sure what will happen and definitely not sure why the hell he would choose to do this. *
Long story, right? * *My advice- I think it could have happened no matter what he said and felt.
My question- does anyone have a clue why someone would do it after 4 years and 6 months- twice!?

[katstarrrr]

Holyyy
that is sooo happening with me right now! *I dont know if these men are bipolar or something, but this is certainly the time for the 3 month-4 month spaztic i need my personal space time. *
In my case, the guy was adorable, he made nice with the my whole family, was like, you are really special, i love you's, and gifts left, right and center- brought flowers all the time. *But eventually i started to really care about him. *I siad i loved him too, (but im sure that i actually do- but not so sure im IN love with him) so it seems like once they've 'won' you over, they aren't realy interested anymore.
He hasn't made contact with me for about 1 week and half. *the last i saw him, he came over and we watched my favourite tv show, and the evening ended happily. *
He hasn't blocked me on IM. *but he hasn't called me either, but i phoned him to see if something was wrong. *he said no. i said but you are acting very different... he said, nooo i'm just busy lately. *i said Oh like with work?? he said ya, and some other things. *i asked if he wanted to talk about it? he siad, no i can't right now. *OK. then... so i just confirmed that he wasn't upset with anything i'd done? *he said no. *i left him alone for a another 3 days, still no word, so i sent an email saying i cared about him, and if he needs his space thats fine, i respect that, but i felt entitled to know if the distance he needed was indeed, just space to examine how he feels about being this deeply in a relationship or if he's mad... because i explained dispite his telling me that he isn't mad, i am sure he acting very different from before so i still believe something has upset him. *i told i will not contact him any further until he wants to. *i said i want you to... but when you are ready- and when you are, i'll be here to hear you. *I shouldve given him a deadline... i would like a response say in a week. or two.. because now i will have to contact him again in 2 weeks- if he doesn't - which i suspect he wont, and tell him it's so over! *what a dick. *thats so innappropriate. *he really seemed like a bueatiful man. *i thought i so scored. *
anyways, i will be going away to florida for a week now, and he doesn't know. *i dont think he needs to know. *
any comments on this situation??
i should mention we are both young, 22 years old. so i know marriage isn't first on our *minds or anything, but i thought, and he said he would like to be married in a 3 years time or so. *im not nessecarily saying it's going to meee... or anything, but still like step up and tell me you aren't ready to give me more of yourself. *don't leave me here like a helpless dingleberry. *i hate that chit. *and well your posts everyone have helped me to pull up my pants as it were, and press on. *thanks.... I hope that this feeling of empowerment lasts.

[Littlehoney]

It really all comes down to the fact that men are just big fat chickens. It's easier to just ignore you than it is to be a man, stand up and say, "I'm just not interested anymore" or "I'm mad and I can't deal with it"

The best thing you can do is to NOT call or email in two weeks and tell him it's over. By not calling, he's told you it's over. You can come out of this being the stronger person by just getting on with things. (he already feels like a total shmuck I'm sure) And if he does call you and says, "why haven't you called..." or something equally lame. You can say, that when you didn't hear from him after you conversation you figured that he wanted his space and you gave it to him. (sometimes it sucks to get what you ask for!)

If it's meant to be, it will happen. He may be the right guy, and this just might not be the right time. Or he might not be the right guy. There is no harm in having a life and meeting new people while you wait.

A book recommendation: it's called "He's Just Not That Into You" I can't remember the author, but the book is soooo good. Pick it up if you can.

Good luck.

[Littlehoney]

I wanted to add something else too. someone posted that they had changed their info and whatnot and then got in touch again.

I'm the opposite. I would keep an email address or a phone number, or email my ex with my info when it changed in the hopes that if he changed his mind, he would call me. (how sad and pathetic does that sound?)

But, you know, with the introduction of the internet and search engines and all this other stuff....if someone wants to find you, they will.
Make them make the effort to find you.

Someone else said that once the person has hooked you in, they give up or stop trying. This is true. The best way to make someone realize they need you, is to not need them.
And yes, ladies, there is a big difference between need and want.