How to build confidence?

[DMC87]

Does anyone know a good way to build confidence.

I'm having trouble because I never seem to be confident enough to do anything new...

I get invited to parties, lunches etc and the chance to meet new people, especially recently due to my new job....

But I just can't seem to go and get out there.....

Does anyone know if there is a good way to other come shyness as I just cant seem to bring myself to go and meet people and this is especially bad when it comes to meeting new girl-friends.

[oberon]

The only way to overcome shyness is just to do it. You have to put yourself in situations where you confront it. Make yourself talk to people... the cashier at the supermarket, the waiter/ess at lunch, etc...

If you are feeling really adventurous, find a local bar that does karaoke. Don't worry if you can't sing... not many people are Julie Andrews... have a couple of drinks and just do it. You might be surprised at how good you feel after you are done.

Good luck.

[JJ101]

I used to be very shy, but now Im usually pretty comfortable around new people. One thing I did that really helped a lot, and it might sound funny, but I made it a point to say Hi to one stranger a day. It had to be someone I didnt know and preferably not a cashier or someone like that were you need to talk to them anyway. I then made it two a day, then three...I eventually worked it up to 5 strangers a day...then made it Hi and how are you, or hows it going..something like that. I also made it a point to make myself available for people to approach me if they wanted. I used to look down a lot or not make a lot of eye contact. Now I keep my head raised and look around into peoples eyes. Changed things a lot.
I also did some internet dating and had some blind dates with friends of friends. After doing a few of those, it became really easy to just call up a stranger and make conversation or going out to meet a stranger.
Remember...we're all just people.
Give those a try. They helped me a lot.

[Rawbob]

LITTLE STEPS!

Instead of going to parties, just try a lunch..then meet for coffee....stuff like that.

Confidence is built up over time...no one is really BORN with it. They are taught from childhood how to recognize praise and become more outgoing and confident.

Also consider this.....becomming more confident is also important to your career. Company leaders will always recognize employees who have the balance of technical proficiency and the ability to easily interact and communicate with co-workers, subordinates and sr. managment.

So, if NOT for your social life, it's a key skill in your career developement...but just start slow! it's kinda like riding a bike....ya gotta put on the training wheels for a bit!

[DMC87]

Thanks all, I will definately try your advice JJ101 as I tend to look at the floor as I walk along and avoid eye contact which makes me look rather stupid.

I have arranged a lunch with some new people who have also recently started with the company.

Wish me luck

[JJ101]

Also, looking at the floor doesnt make you look stupid, it just makes it harder for people to approach you or for you to meet them or say hi.
Try to be careful about being hard on yourself or putting yourself down like the stupid comment. That can also lower your self esteem. Try to think positive and go easier on yourself. I know from experience . Good luck.

[camman]

hit on ugly people.
lol u will usally get em. Makes u feel good about urself.
When in a slum i have done it .
Really chears me up

[eDJ]

A lot of guys and gals have this problem at some time in their life. Working ones way thru it can be accomplished either with some counciling or self help. It is a worthwhile investment in yourself and will pay dividends in life more than imaginable. Many of the more extraverted people I've met claim to have once been the quiet and shy ones who hid themselves away form life.

If you break down what makes you feel compelled to be shy, or feel inadequate, one reason may come as not knowing how to handle getting to know others, or what to do if they approach you. If you had these skills you could be more successful in these situations and that can bring an enhansed feeling of confidence.

If you visit libraries or book stores, consider this book:

How to Attract Anyone Anytime Anyplace-The smart guide to flirting, by Susan Rabin (she has several books in print which could benefit you)

You may have also heard of Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influance People

Often councilers will offer you to take personality indexing test which will help you realize your positive personality traits.
Taking these test tends to demonstrait to to a person that they are generally better than they think that they are. Understand you can take these free online test several times thru the week or month and see your index drift pending your state of mind at that time.

The Jung typology test is a free online test which is sort of like the Myers-Briggs.

Jung Typology Test/Personality Type

Testing Room.com offers some free personality test which may
provide some insights into your personality. Knowing ones self
better is a good foundation for better understanding what may be right or wrong for you, so you can resist resorting to being shy and foreiting valuable opportunities.

Testing Room.com

iVillage is has an interesting list of quizzes and tools that can help you discover your inner self too. Knowing that you are with good qualities that have value is a start at building self confidence. It, like painting, is best built up with several thin coats instead of one thick one. It is a process of addition and building and the successes which come with it build on each other. Sure people will incur setbacks along the way, but just get right back out there in a different place and start in again. If someone treats you bad someplace and hurts your feelings.....move on down the street...the folks there may treat you like a long lost friend....and just keep going.
The wins will probably out number the losses.

iVillage.co.uk is a website for women....but guys go there alot too

Good luck and do some Google searches for other info on Self Esteme.

eDJ

[DMC87]

Wow, thanks all. This has been very helpful and I am gonna go to a christmas part in the next month and build confidence up to that, i'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks for the links eDJ!

[Casimir]

Hello,
I am new to this site, and this was one of my questions that I had so thank you DMC87 for asking this question for me.