Will this jealousy ever go away?

[Dogman]

I can't seem to stop fumbling into evidence of my g/fs old relationships, pictures, mail. What scares me is that I have had no relationships or any contact with women before her but that isn't the same story for her. What also scares me is that she never wants to talk about her previous relationships and she doesn't even call them relationships, basically she just used to casually fool around with guys but didn't want to form anything long term with them. I am just loosing my trust for her and some times think she is lying to me even though I have nothing to base that on. I am praying my stupid jealousy and trust issues will eventually go away, will they?

I am also debating just clearing the air with her about all this but afraid she will get mad at me because in previous times when I hinted at talking about it she got irritated.

The whole thing having to keep it bottled in has my stomache turning and in reality there shouldn't be a problem! What is wrong with me?

Another thing is since day one of hanging around her my friends have told me she is shady and is a slut and it just didn't set a good tone for me but I think there wrong... HOPE there wrong.

Maybe i'm just retarded

[Dogman]

Good thread on jealousyJealousy Thread

[WallyLlama]

Sorry you haven't had much in the way of replies... I'm hoping the jealousy thread proved helpful!

I'd say part of this is sorting through several potential issues:

1. How you feel about yourself and your lack of experience with relationships. It's important to remember that a lack of experience doesn't necessarily mean you'll get taken advantage of.

2. How she feels about her relationship with you. Pretty easy, actually, ask her. Don't be confrontative and don't make the reference point her previous experience. Just ask her if there are things you are doing she doesn't like... things she'd like to be doing, etc. Think of it as a quality control check on the relationship, not an investigation.

3. Consider the possibility that some of the tension is simply a difference of opinion regarding what you want from a relationship. You might get a hint of that from #2. You may be looking for something "long term" and "more serious" than she is... that could be the source of irritation for her when you try to "clear the air." She just wants casual, you keep trying to get serious, so to speak.

See, it may not be simple jealousy. But I'll bet it is about what you each want from the relationship... figure it out and if you're worlds apart...well, you have to decide what's next.

Better than keeping it bottled up. Much better than thinking you're retarded, 'cause you're not.

[soulmates82]

let her know what youre thinking... dont be mean or start accusing her or insinuating you believe the rumors you heard.... dont jump to conclusions and get her all upset... sit down and just talk. write her a letter if you expresss yourself better that way - speak your peace and get it off your chest. she may open up and tell you stuff you might not want to know so thinnk long and hard before you open some can of worms you cant handle. she may not respond the you hoped she would so be prepared to end up right back where you are now. somethhings are best left unsaid cuz what you dont know cant hurt yu as well as what you do find out might kill your relationship. maybe she gets mad and leaves - what then?
maybe neither of you need to be in any type of serious relationship right now. have friends and go on dates and see each other and just dont feel it has to be all or nothing at all with each and every person you date.
weigh your options and do what you gotta do. aint the end of the world if doesnt work out with you and her... good intentions will often backfire on you and end up doing more harm than good....
keep us posted and let us know how its going

[Dogman]

Thanks for the advice, I needed it

We are working through it little by little, we have been talking about it on and off and it really helps to get things off your chest. She understands my doubts and fears a little more.

Basically I want time to pass and hopefully I can just deal with the past. It is not that big of a deal but sometimes it just doesn't sit right with me, her past and what she is now are two totally different people in my opinion and I just can't understand it for the life of me. I don't know what to trust, what feelings I have are justified and basically if I have the right to be upset or if i'm just overly jealous and paraniod.

I think in a nutshell as soon as our relationship got serious her past reminded me of how easily this could turn out bad and how much I can get hurt because maybe I don't know her as good as I thought???

It even feels good to talk about this on this website, I just hate having to sit home alone and think about all this crap and get myself depressed and upset. Mostly it just makes me feel less important when I think about her past, like maybe I don't care as much to her as I thought?

Not only that, but she was with one of my friends and just the thought of that gets me a little uneasy because it didn't end good. From what I know as far as that went he was serious and she I guess just wanted someone to casually fool around with? It makes me uneasy to think that she would play with someones feeling like that just because she was horny... but I am probably out of line in thinking that

[RmkSjr]

I can practically relate to everything you've just said...I'm a guy in a long distance relationship with someone who's been with guys beforehand and i've never been with another girl..and on top of that she's..i wouldn't say slutty, but attractive and she knows it..and guys go gaga over her and she loves it. When we were first getting together I had a whole bunch of her friends who were also my friends (cause me and her were friends for a few months before getting together) tell me that she does this, as in plays with guys emotions and feelings all the time, and then just leaves them high and dry....On top of that, i'm 16, she's 21, and long distance isn't like..the other side of town or something, it's the other side of the country..

Okay having said that, the most important thing is openness and honesty. My gf and I talk about everything, literally..and yeah sometimes we'll get annoyed or upset, hurt or angry at one another or because of each other but we've always made it through and neither of us are ever wondering about something, we just ask. I trust her completely, at the beginning i had some doubts and insecurity issues due to what her/my friends told me but i ignored them and they went away, we talked about them a little and she was compeletely understanding and well explained to me how she felt for those guys how they treated her what kinda guys they were and then what she felt for me and how different i am to them..

I've never really been jealous, maybe slightly insecure but i dont feel that way anymore...as a measure of how trusting our relationship is, a couple of weeks ago she told me that one of her friends, a guy, kissed her, and it didn't even cause a hiccup in our relationship..she told me she backed away and i believe her, she told me she didn't like it and i believe her.

Do you love her? If you do, believe her, cause hell man, love's worth the risk.

Forget the past and focus on the future, i'm sure in time she'll talk about her entire past and explain lots of things to you but for now, just be happy with her and believe whatever she says to you unless you know for 100% sure she's lying...if she is...pull her up on it and talk about it and if she doesn't have a good reason or one at all then you completely have the right to be angry and upset with her..but even then it's not the end, just be hoenst and open and you can get through anything..literally.