Cheating Survey

[Bella]

Hey there, I wanted to know how you all would react to having been cheated on? I was cheated on and I am still with the person. I love him more than anything and I genuinly think he is sorry. But still sometimes I get so mad and depressed I can't even talk to him for a while. So please everyone, tell me your thoughts on my situation and on your own if you have been cheated on.

[camman]

i guess it depends on how long u were going out with him. And i cant assume becuse u neglected to state your situation fully.
But eather way u are perfectly justified in ur anger at times towards him. He broke ur trust and he can only gain it back through a long time of faithfulness, and having to deal with the repurcusions of his actions.( ur anger at times)
So yea , live it up, yell and scream at him . If he is still at ur side i bet hes sorry and u guys have a shot to make it work again.
Anyhows good luck.

[LittleFury]

I dunno, for me my reaction would probably depend on the situation. I'm not sure how I would react right now. BUt if I were married with a child, and my hubby cheated on me, me being a lawyer at the time, he would be signing divorce paper that would take an effect a day after our youngest child's 18th bd.
As of right now, before we're married and before we have a baby, I'm not sure. I would be hurt and pissed, and would probably make the girl pay, and figure something out about the guy.
But here is the thing, my bf wouldn't cheat on me, so I don't really even think about it.

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

im curious why you would wait till the childs 18th bday.

[camman]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (LittleFury @ Sep. 12 2004,22:39)]But here is the thing, my bf wouldn't cheat on me, so I don't really even think about it.

Hey not trying to burst ur bubble or anything but ...
When someone cheats on someone it is an unexspected thing. If u knew ur man would cheat on u its not cheating. I dont know how clear that seemes to u guys but it is clear to me. Never say never although i wish he never will.
Cheating wouldnt hurt ppl if they knew it would happen, Thats why cheating is so bad.

[secretly_shy]

If any bf apart from my current one had cheated on me....
....i think i would be mad, get mad, dump them and move on! If they didnt have the respect for me then my trust would be broken instantly, and i hold grudges!

but because myself and my current bf have been together for this long (longest relationship for me) id want to find out why he had done it, and the reasons for it. depending on the reason id either try and salvage the relationship, or end it. it also depends what the cheating was; eg if he had kissed someone that would be easier to forgive than if he had slept with someone!!!

but cheating is a big no no!

[LittleFury]

Well, reason why I would wait until they are 18, at 18 they are adults and they can make their own life, move out, go to college, all that stuff. Until then, I would rather them ahve both parents under one roof.
And camman, I know my man, he wouldn't. Atm, he wouldn't even get a chance to, cause all the free time he has, we're pretty much together. And he swore an oath to me that he will not cheat, and I don't know how serious that is to some people, but to us, where is nothing worse then an oath braker, and he's definatly not one.

[fingerlickingkitten]

I am wondering about this whole cheating thing myself. I went out with a guy for two years in college and then he cheated on me on Springbreak. He made out with another girl. I was devastated and really did not expect it. So we broke up for a while, but we still had that really great-chemistry-thing going on so lone behold we get back together. 6 months later he did it again, he kissed a different girl after he went on a graduation party bender. I was devastated and moved to another city. We still called each other two or three times a week and have just been close friends for the past two years, we are very compatiable personality wise and he insists that he is still in love with me. So I go and visit him last week and POW, once again we get back together. He wants us to move in together. I want to be with him also. He justifies that the whole reason he cheated on me was because he was insecure about himself and this insecurity made him feel insecure about me. Since he was insecure about me, he felt that I wasn't good enough for him and that is why he cheated on me. Now he says he is no longer having this insecurity crisis and he realizes how much I mean to him. I have absolutely no ability to hold a grudge and I remain quite smittened by this fellow. I love baseball, should I go by the three strikes you're out theory and give this fine fellow another chance? Or do you think he is just going to get drunk and do it again?

[demonbuttercup]

i dunno kitten i would definetly be skeptical. his insecure speech didn't really make much sense, but whatever.
i would totally keep him away from any type of party w/ alcohol or any party in general. seems that is where he messes up.
also, if you do decide to get back together, don't move in w/ him right away. thats WAY to big of a step if you ask me. he has to prove himself and earn your trust back. don't give it back to him so easily. i know you can't hold a grudge but forgiving and forgetting so easily can sometimes come back to hurt you. people will take advantage of your kindness.

you don't want to move in together and 6 months later find out he's making out w/ some other chick and there you are stuck either w/ the bills by yourself or homeless... either way its no fun.
and yeah he couldv'e been worse and slept w/ these girls but still, he shouldn't be going around kissing other girls if he cares so much about you. insecurities or not.
good luck!

[Rawbob]

I hate to sound BILL CLINTON-ISH, but, cheating is a very subjective thing.

It is SUBJECT to the level of committment and communication between the two people involoved.

Now, consider: dating somone vs. exclusive dating, vs engaged vs. married.

If two people are dating, but not exclusivly - then neither of them have the right to feel "cheated on" if one kisses or plays with another person.

Rmember i said the word COMMUNICATION. I belive many "dating-related" cheating accusations are based on the ASSUMPTION that they were dating exclusively, when in fact, either one may have ther perception that their dating may be predominant - but not exclusive.

Also, until two people exchange a pledge to each other (call it marriage if you like), people are free to come and go and kiss and f*** who they like. They MAKE THE CHOICE and have to live with the consequece. Don't you think you'd rather find out your boy or girlfriend is too flirty or not ready for a Long-term committment BEFORE you get married?

How many couples actually TALK about cheating? Emotions play a big role in this, especially if sex is involved - but let's be honest with each other here - if your boy or girlfriend is a big flirt, if he's very handsome and muscular and popular - or she's thin, busty and popular ...DON"T YOU THINK THEY ARE GOING TO BE CONSTANTLY BOMBARDED WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY? Of course they are. But it's how THEY act to those opportunities that should be the true measure.

Trust is a constantly changing thing. Somtimes its very high, sometimes it's dreadfully low - but it's never stagnant.

For all you couples (married, dating, etc.) please have that discussion about cheating. Put it on the table. If you think kissing a person is cheating then say it, but just remember, your other 1/2 may think that you looking at another person is cheating - how would u feel about that? You see, it's all relative..but it's an important discussion to have.

My partner and i have had that discussion and have a much healthier marriage for it!