Communication!

[Genki-dama]

OKOK - First I am a noob here, so Hey! To everyone. Now, my problem is that I just started dating this girl. It’s been about 3 months, and everything was fine at start. Lately we fight a lot and the truth is we both do and say immature things at times like this. SO one day I got with her and I asked her to lay out all her concerns, how she feels about me, how she feels about the relationship, what she would like me to change or work at doing better. (Warning skip to the last paragraph for the actual question, I am just venting my thoughts and feelings from here on)
She told me she cares about me, but not about the relationship. ?? I am like WTF does that mean exactly, she says " I don’t have to deal with this anymore" and tells me to leave she doesn’t wanna see me any more, Yet I asked her to look into my eyes and tell me that she wants it to be over and she couldn't. I was hurting from all the things she said, but I had to be the strong one so that I could keep us together, b/c I care for her and I know she does me.
Eventually she calmed down and told me I was being an asshole and being mean. She Quoted stuff that I said and told me that I meant it in a negative way. She twist my words around to make it negative and then puts up big fat wall so I cant share my true feeling with her.
She is a model and a stripper, and often gets gifts and flowers at her doorstep and men give her whatever she wants, they spoil her to death. She will often bring up when we are fighting that she could have anyone she wants and that I am a immature boy ( I am 20 she is 22), and that many men think she IS perfect. Then she gets mad when I tell her that, that makes me feel like I am not good enough for her. SO here I am, in pain dealing with all these things she tells me, and she forgets half of what is said, she wont admit she is wrong until many days later, but by then I have already drowned myself in negative thoughts like " I am not good enough " " she probably doesn’t really love me ". I hold on to these feeling and I am often in a bitter mood from it so then she tells me I have grudge problems, and I should just let things go. We eventually make up but end of fighting again like a few hours later. I really don’t think it is my fault, I know I do some stupid things and I admit to them and say I am sorry, even thou I don’t think sorry means anything to her coming from me. LOL and NOW the recent fight, she thinks I am gay now, cause she overheard me say, "get off me" on the phone, when I was out at my buddys house, I was talking to his large furry cat, but she wont believe me. I love her and I just want us to be happy, but how can I deal with the things she does. I just don’t know how. Ok enough venting. QUESTIONS!!
OK so I asked my g/f if she could stop talking things so negative from me, and she is working on it, but not doing well, I also asked her if she could just communicate with me more, tell me what she is feeling or thinking. I work Monday thru Friday, and I get off at 5:30, I had a simple request that she tell me if she was goona go out of town or go out with her friends, so that I wouldn't get home and wait and wait for her (cause we usually hang out together after I get off work) I told her she don’t have to tell me Where she is going or who with or anything just tell me so I don’t be left waiting and feel lonely at midnight still waiting for a call. Yesterday I got home and waited till 12;30 went to sleep went to work again, she finally calls today and tell me " OH hey, I was out of town yesterday doing a photo shoot. " I am like ok...QUESTION--------------------------------->>>MY question is how do I approach her and tell her that all I want to do is know if she wont be there, with out starting a fight or sounding like a asshole like she would put it. She has not yet once did anything about that request and I told her 3 weeks ago. There have been a few days where I would not know ANYTHING until 1 or 2 days later. Is this too selfish to ask of; am I in the wrong here or what I need opinions!! Thanks sorry for long-ness! Also every time we fight she always bring up something about ending the relationship, not me, I don’t say anything about ending it casue I don’t want to, even thou were are fighting I love her too much to end it over a trival fight. BUT does that mean that she Wants to end it ?? since she keeps bringing it up ??

[demonbuttercup]

my advice is, and correct me guys if im wrong, but its hard to have a relationship w/ a stripper.
like you said, she says she could have ANY guy she wanted and always has guys throwing themselves at her.
at first, a guy thinks, wow im awesome, im dating a stripper. which is fine if you two are just looking to have fun and good time. but when it comes down to having a true relationship, i don't think it can really work.
she sounds like the immature one to me.
plus, if she's also and model and jet setting everywhere, then how are you ever going to be able to spend time w/ her.

[Brauul]

I would really agree with buttercup (or is it demon? ). *Dating anyone that has that much of an ego to say "I can have anyone" really is immature. *Like it is an honor to be going out with someone of that calibur. *It sounds like she actually is quite insecure and wants a really really strong guy. *She is going at it the wrong way and probably wants the "bad boys" but I bet more than likely in a couple years when she isn't "all that" she would probably come crawling back to nice guys. *I don't know her story at all but just the way you talk about her really makes me wonder. *This whole gay thing is really childish...period. *She really sounds like she isn't even remotely ready for any sort of relationship, and just wants to fool around and flirt with everyone and still be the center of attention (if not the center of the universe). *I would seriously try and get a real answer from her and if you can't, at least try and end it amicably (nicely). *Move on with your life and just either try and be friends or try and forget her all together. *Sorry to sound so harsh, but she sounds WAY to selfish for a stable serious relationship. *I mean there is give and take but not devour and don't give back heh. Oh and if she keeps mentioning ending the relationship then end it....seriously. It sounds like she wants to string you along. I almost guarantee (sp) that she will probably try to apologiize and stuff. Sounds like she is really mainpulating you. You really don't want that.

[demonbuttercup]

lol
i missed the gay thing. that such bullsh*t.
i think she is just trying to get you to break up w/ her or something.
you should tell her to get off all those guys she's giving lap dances too.

[WallyLlama]

Ditto what they said!

I think it's interesting that in your entire post you didn't say one good thing about her. Time to ask yourself "what's the point?"

It's tough being a "boy toy" but that's apparently how she relates to men... you're supposed to oooh and ahhh all the time and consider yourself lucky when she does something for you.

Stand tall and get in her face. It may shock her into reality. More likely it'll piss her off and she'll leave. Then you can start looking for someone who cares about you and the relationship.

[Rawbob]

Ok...reality check folks!

1) YOU ARE 20 YEARS OLD
2) She IS 22 YEARS OLD
3) SHE IS A STRIPPER (Booze, drugs, lots of money, in a sexually charged environment)
4) SHE WANTS YOU NOT A RELATIONSHIP

Pretty straight forward here Genki - THIS GIRL JUST WANTS TO HAVE FUN! Now, i'm not gonna bust her stones about being a stripper - everyone has to work and god knows there are alot of us guys who've dropped many $1's at strip clubs so lets not just bash the stripper.

That said, she's all about fun. She wants to come and go as she pleases, wants to bathe in the attention she gets (and probably the money too). You're constant badgering her and 3rd degree is like fingers down a chalkboard to her...she came right out and said it "I want you, not the relationship."

So, you have two courses of action:
1) GET OUT! You are looking for a girlfriend and relationship and she clearly is not. Just let it go. It's gonna hurt like hell, but trust me, you are going to fall in love/lust MANY more times before you really do find the gal that is most compatible with you.

2) HAVE FUN. Let go of the emotional desire u have to "have her" and just be her friend. Remember how it was when you 2 first started seeing each other? Well, thats what attracted her to you and thats all she wants and can handle. Just know she's only looking for fun...if u can't handle that...take option 1!

[WallyLlama]

Not to go off topic... but for the record, so to speak. I've known a few strippers over the years and most of the images and opinions about them are WAY off.

Most didn't drink, none did drugs, and most found stripping anything but sexual. For them it was a job... some even considered it a profession.

That said, they acknowledged that there were a few "coworkers" who enjoyed the power over men it let them feel. It seems to me that says more about the men than the stripper. LOL

And that's the case here... this is just another relationship that's out of balance - way out of balance. She could be doing just about anything for work. She'd still be who she is.

[Brauul]

I think the problem is that she is immature (not young) and in that job. If she was mature and had confidence in herself she wouldn't want all the attention that she seems to want. I would agree with everyone else and say either:

1) dump her and move on...there are MANY more people worth your time.

2) enjoy this as fun and not the start of a relationship. You don't want to always think she is going behind your back, and she doesnt seem to care who she hurts....

Either way I bet you will be better off then what you are going through now.

[ItalStall]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Rawbob @ Aug. 20 2004,07:31)]Ok...reality check folks! ...

Agree with Rawbob totally!

[Genki-dama]

AWWWW!! first thx for help everyone, truth is i knew all that you all said already but I didnt want to face it in my mind. I went and had a serious talk with her (in PERSON) cause she has a habit of just hanging up and not picking up the phone or avoiding me when she doesn't want to deal with the painful stuff. I asked her a simple question and she, after 25 minutes of crying and beating around the bush, told me the truth. I broke it off. It's painful, since I already put so much of my heart into this and yea I even cryed and it sucked. Makes you feel like it will always be like this. But thx to some support from friends, I am able to move on without going to far off the deep end (so the speak). I offered to still be friends with her, but she is still trying to win a power struggle that is not existing anymore anyways, so i just walked out. Liek Brauul said, she probably will come crawling back later saying she is sorry, but she would do the same thing again probably. I have been hurt alot in my past so I dont have room for second chances anymore, even thou that actually could harm me in a special situation. If she says she will be my friend, and I can eventually trust that she is trying to change and actually care for me, maybe we will have a chance in the very far future. I dont think she is willing to wait that far so basically, its over. I know i should not do this, but I am goona go out and get drunk to deal with some of the pain, but in the morning i'll be good enough to start over again. * *salutes*

P.S. I agree with WallyLlama about what he said, its not that she is a stripper that is the problem, its just a job. Its just that she has low-confidence in herself, and her job maybe doesn't help with that. ALot of people view that job as "unholy", but I gave her the respect that she deserved as a person and she didnt return it, thats all. She has her own problems that she will work out, one day eventually, jsut liek all of us and probably regret alot of things she has done. SO in a way I do feel sorry for her, since she cant even see her own faults. I pointed them out but she wont listen to me, nor will she admit she is wrong or say she is sorry. Thats why this relationship is over. *sigh* time to get PLASTERED!!!