internet dating advice

[nursefluffykins]

so im 24, coming out of a 5 year relationship, emotionally that is under control, am over that. *Decided to try e-dating, because i dont do bar scene and nobody in my circle of friends to date.
Am scared however about e-dating. *Well i know the basic rules for safety, anyone out there have any advice to make this a positive experience? *Anybody have any stories of actually meeting people from dating websites?
How do you approach the situation? How soon would you meet someone in person... talk first online then on phone i guess.
Would u ask the person information like after u've dated a few times, ask them if they are still meeting other people on the website? *How soon would u sleep with someone in general?
Just need to get some outside opinions, this is new to me. *Trying to turn a new page in my life, but its hard, never really "dated" before. *Had boyfriends, but were usually friends first...

Thanks!

[Brauul]

Well I found the love of my life online. She is the first and only person I have ever been with. I also went on the e-dating circuit for many years before finding her...Anyway, I approached e-dating as more of an ice breaker sort of thing. Alot of the comunication is easier. And I really stress comunication. With me, I actually talked with my g/f for about a month online then we moved to the phone for about a month, then actually met. Maybe we are a special case, but we pretty much talked alot right away and had alot in common and moved into pretty heavy flirting over the phone and then just everything progressed pretty routinely. Now we did not use one of those personality tests, but instead she just found my profile and simply wanted someone to talk to. But either way we have been together for 1 1/2 years now so that is pretty good for a first time relationship. Now I have had in-person meetings with people I have chatted with onilne that didn't go so well. Hmm but anyway I am rambling. I would suggest being honest and upfront in your profile. I have seen so many people (guys mostly...) brag about this and that, and yet there they still are searching online. Not sure if I would reccomend e-harmony or one of those very detailed personality test based sites, but it may be a better option then the meat market approach some of the other sites seem to want to do. I would really stress talking online for awhile and see where that goes. Sometimes quick meetings can turn bad, but probably not stalker bad. I really think that is a very rare circumstance. But I would say at least talk to them online for a couple weeks to see what they are all about and then go from there.

[LittleFury]

Ok, I gotta give a short answer at the moment.I would suggest trying Match.com, or something like that, if thats what you really want and if they have that where you live. Talk to people, spend a bit of time online chatting. Be careful and just block any idiots or whose who are being very inappropriate. If you decide to talk pon the phone, don't give out your number, get theirs and then making a call press *67, that blocks your number. Make a special email that you will use for this, don't give out your real email. First date, meet for coffee, I'm serious. Don't have a real date, just meet in the public place for maybe half and hour or so. If you like the person, then you can move on to a real date. Be careful though. And if you do go on the date, let your friends know where you're going and get them to make "safe" calls. Good luck.

[Rawbob]

I agree with Brauul and will add a few points.

I too met my partner (now of 8 years) online - AOL of all places ahahaha.

As i'm sure u know, there is NO free online dating service. So, i would check out the service first to make sure it's reputable. Match.com, eharmony.com, i think there's also one called true.com thats new. All are subscriber services.

Let me deal with these forms of sites first. As Brauul said, it's all about honesty. To me, the key is NOT to look for a "date" on these sites, but rather, let them come to YOU! To many folks look at online dating sites as a way of "shopping" for a partner - when in fact the vast majority of folks who've found success online have been those created very clear and honest profiles. Let's be honest, guys do 90% of the looking, so don't fight the current - let them come to you.

Now, that said, you have to decide how honest you want to be about yourself. It's very tough to resist the temptation to portray yourself, your wants, needs, thoughts, goals, etc in total honesty. It's so easy to streatch the truth in hopes of finding that "right person"..but trust me....it will backfire. The more honest you are, the more likely you are to find men who you will be more comfortable and compatable with.

Photos ARE A MUST! First impressions are lasting, and photo's are key to any online site. You'll also need several pics and if you're smart, you'll have them in all forms of dress and settting. From jeans and teeshirts, to office dress, "out on the town" dress and formal. Don't put on pics of u from highshhool - thats a deal breaker! The more "erotic" pics you put on your profile, the more sex-focused guy's you'll attract. Now, if you wear mini-skirts all the time and low cut blouses, then thats fine, but if you don't - don't put pics like that in your profile.

Remember, it's about YOU. So, be honest, don't "assume" the guys reading your profile will "get it" when you say you like romantic nites at home - TELL THEM WHAT YOU MEAN BY ROMANCE! If you like to do crossword puzzles every sunday morning - tell them that...see what i mean?

As far as sex with guys u meet online..well...thats up to you. If you're looking for sex, it's SO easy to find it...and only you can answer that. You have to feel comfortable in your own skin when it comes to sex - it's your body and you have to be consistent in your profile - so if you're coming across as a quiet home-body online and you turn into a wild woman on your date it's going to confuse him.

Ok, a brief note about sites like AOL, MSN, Yahoo, etc. Since these sites are not JUST about dating, you have to know that it's a bit of a different world...but as far as the profiles go - the same applies to these sites as the dating sites - HONESTY. There are alot of assholes on these sites who, despite your best efforts to be open and honest in your profile, will send you an instant message or email thats ONLY about sex. Don't be disappointed, just delete 'em without a response.

The other thing to do is look around for the right "chat room" to visit. Most of these sites have chat rooms for singles. But, you can also be bold and create your OWN room - ie: Seattle Single Romantics.

If you do find yourself chatting with a potential suitor, here's a few tips:
1) Ask for SEVERAL pics of him, and make sure they are recent.
2) After you finish your first chat, set up a time the next possible day to have another chat - be specific on the time, and see if he shows up to the chat ontime. If he dosn't, he's telling you alot about either how he feels about you or how important being punctual is. If he sends you an email telling you he's going to be late or has to reschedule - that's a good thing - he's being courteous.
3) Phone call: after you've chatted a few times and feel comfortable exchanging numbers, go for it. If you're worried about waht to talk about, go ahead and reference some of your prior online chats! That way you can see if he's being consistent in his answers!
4) Meeting. Pick a coffee shop or diner to meet. I'd stay away from a "nightclub" at first or a bar.

Hope all this helps!

[Norinco]

i dunno, i personally have had abysmal luck with internet dating. * generally i don't get replies to anyone i send messages to. striking out on the internet is really bad for the ole' self esteem i can tell you that much right off.

but i'm sure someone more competant would have better luck. i think a little common sense is all that's required as far as safety is concerned. *most of those sites list ways to use thier service safely (so they don't get sued when one of thier subscribers gets killed in a bloody satanic ritual and has thier skull turned into a crude lamp of some sort by someone they met on the site.......liability reasons you see.)
the basics for women......from what i've gathered....get a picture, if he doesn't have one up on his profile, that's not a total cause for alarm just yet, but if he repeatedly refuses to provide a picture through whatever means, get suspicious. if he says giving a pic. will "spoil the surprise" he's probably either got something "unpleasant" planned, or else described himself completly inaccurately in his profile.
meet in public, somewhere well lit where there are plenty of other people in "screaming distance", *watch your drink to make sure he's not trying to slip you some "date rape" drug. don't give out your home address right off , and you might want to keep where you work a secret for awhile too. although if he has your phone numbers then he can easily backtrack them through the "superpages.com" website. *so maybe only give the guy a cell number, until you are sure you can trust him. * and if things on the date start getting "wierd" have an exit strategy...i.e pepper spray, a taser, or a Glock ready to go.

i never had to deal with these issues of course, because i was attempting to meet women.....only met one in person, 5'2" and 95 pounds (i think "petite" girls are cute) so i wasn't to worried about being overpowered and killed.

one of my favorite sayings is from the movie "Ronin" and can be applied to online dating i think.....

"......I never walk into a place i don't know how to walk back out of."

[nursefluffykins]

well thanks for the input people... so i met one guy so far, and things are interesting... talked online for a few days, first went to movie, then another time for coffee, then watched a movie at his place, talk, made out and stuff. *thankfully everything he described seems true thus far. Hard to say where it will go from here, but im glad to be having the experience, really wasnt meeting people in my regular life anymore. *I think at this point the situations starts to resemble the way things could go with someone u met in real life instead of online. *Hey norinco, dont put urself down... the randomness of internet dating is scary, like who u respond to, who u dont.. hard to really tell about someone from a profile, that much i have learnt. *thanks all. *So its been 2 weeks, havent asked him yet if he is meeting other women still. *Will casually bring that up at some point, but not yet. *I actually cancelled dinner plans i had made with another guy cuz i realized how much i like this guy. *On the one hand thought why not go to dinner and see what the other guy is like... but then i figured hey i really like the first guy, why confuse the situation... and its not like *i have all this time for dating anyway lol.... any tips about the progression of e-dating relationships welcome....

[Muppet74]

I'll tell you the truth::::
Too many people want to rush it. I'll tell you, when I meet someone online (on line, not RL yet)...what I do is...email a few times. (they could have a few hrs to write the letter that they think you will like)...if it goes ok so far, then maybe progress to phone...You either get their # or call from a payphone (doesn't everyone have call ID today?)
From there, the phone calls seem good (you should be able to figure out if he seems a complusive liar or complete fraud or ...really quite stupid)...then maybe meet up in public...something light. Not too much pressure.
Don't rush it, don't push it. Just relax...If they say they will call...and DON'T...try the 3x method...
You call 3 X, they haven't returned your call/request by then....go on and move on...he's NOT worth your time...but always tell a friend any info you have on the person (car, name, work, addres...whatever you got on them) so in case of help....there is a backup...just use common sense....

[nursefluffykins]

thanks guys for answering!
so its been a couple of months, met 2 guys...didnt work out romantically, but one is a sort of good friend becoming, and well the other was kind of a jerk lol
but i think im pretty good at screening, and taking it slow... just kinda helpful after a 5 year relationship, to keep busy...

i like cats!