Asserting sexuality problems

[blowingminds]

Okay, I'm new and have spent the past several days reading all your wonderful posts and have tucked them away in my mind BUT...
Quick version - I was married for 12 years, divorced almost 2 years ago, went through my wild phase but have now found someone worth hanging onto...so far, so good the relationship is progressing well however my problem is that I am suddenly finding myself somewhat intimidated in regards to sex. ARGH!
He seems pleased - he keeps coming back for more - but I've gone shy (this is way out of character) and can't get the nerve up to take control. My fear is that I will mess this up - believe me failed relationships are something I'm quite capable of - so I find I'm questioning everything I want to do, which is causing me to become anxious about sex. I have never been shy in bed before and I know more than anything my drive is still there (so does energizer) but more than anything I want to get over this anxiety and really blow his mind with what he wants most - for me to take control and go nuts...any advice??? I'm actually feeling a bit more confident since finding this site and welcome any support, suggestions, etc. ya'll are willing to give. He comes home on Thursday and it is my intention to really floor this man by getting out of this safe little shell I've slipped into....help, please??? Anyone???

[WallyLlama]

Let me begin by obeserving that it really takes two people to make a relationship fail. It also sounds like this is a relatively new relationship and that's when most people cut each other tons of slack. So calm down a little.



The relationship, as you say, is progressing well. Allow yourself to progress. "Taking control and going nuts" can be relative... why not pick a thing or two you're comfortable doing and just do them... I'll bet some hot action will make you forget some of those anxieties. You do know what you're capable of... get on the path, girl.

And, as my sig line says, enjoy the journey.

[oberon]

I think it's a pretty natural reaction if you've had something go wrong- be it your job, school, a relationship- to have some anxiety about starting again. *Okay... I guess this is cliche time...lol... You know what they say, "If you fall off a horse, get right back on." *You can do it. *You just have to go for it. *Sort of like going swimming. *You can wade in slowly and prolong the agony of adjusting or you can just hold your nose and jump right in and get it over quickly. *And just like swimming, I'll bet once you're in (or he's in...whatever ), you'll enjoy yourself completely.

Take care and best of luck.

[blowingminds]

Thanks guys for the words of wisdom...actually, the swimming analogy is soooooo true and you'll never guess that I'm that slow wader. But his trip has got me wading quicker than I would have hoped. I've spent the past week really tying up the texting network to gain back my comfort zone - have learned a lot too. I never thought I'd see the day when this old horny gal was shy about sex

[nursefluffykins]

indeed, i have never been married, but am recently out of a 5 year relationship, and the thought of eventually having sex with another man scares me too!
but congrats for having moved on, ... like it was mentioned, the relationship is new, so of course it takes time to get comfortable with someone right? and u can always talk it over if u're unsure... not necessarily a big lenghty conversation, but just a little "how do you like this or that" while you're doing something... just gives him a chance to express himself should he so wish to. Well good luck to you, and somewhere along the way just try to relax and go with the flow... ! easier said than done, i know, been there : )

[blowingminds]

It's all craziness...but things are going great so far and I'm starting to really get my confidence back. I'm not as anxious any more and have been more relaxed than not lately - especially since he expressed his "falling in love" feelings for me. That removed a lot of anxiety I think and the night after was truly a wonderful night Things are heating up!!! Yeehaw!