Initiating conversation

[Norinco]

i have a dismal track record with women. * but my main failing is i let women i'm interested in walk off without saying anything to them. *i'll see a *girl in k-mart or wherever and just let the oppurtunity pass because honestly what are we going to talk about? *the high price of cheaply made footwear these days? (those k-mart brand shoes are up in the 17$ range now...)
i think i'd do reasonably well if i could get my conversations going. *but how do you actually initiate conversation with a stranger in the first place? *can you just go up to them....does that actually work?
looking at it from my POV if some stranger approached me in a department store and started talking to me, my reaction would probably be "uh huh....now who the hell are you exactly?"......if a pretty girl approached me i'd probably think it was a trick , she's the decoy and that her accomplice was ready to jump me in the parking lot and forcibly remove my liver for sale to the chinese organ trade's highest bidder. but of course years of social isolation have left me with mild paranoia and low self esteem.
basically my point is i don't think most women would appreciate being aproached by strangers....and since about every woman i see is a stranger this presents a problem.
how does one make the leap from thinking "wow she's hot" to actually saying something to her?

[lilly2279]

You know that is an excellent question! You know we've all been somewhere, like K-Mart, seen someone we thought was sexy, made direct eye contact with them, smiled and then went along our little way with that person in our mind. Me, I'm thinking "geeze, why couldn't I say something? Why did I break eye contact and go about my business? Is that him ahead? Should I go try to make eye contact with him again??" lol. Soooo, I'm no help here, as you can see!

What would I maybe like a guy to say to me if I was in that situation again? Maybe just continue the eye contact and say "hi" Maybe ask her if she knows where a particular department is...."know where I can find the jock itch spray??" ha ha. Maybe ask where something girly is... Like flowers or something. Say you're picking something up for your mom, who's ill or had a bad day or something and don't know what she might like. Maybe ask her to help you if she has the time??

That would thrill me to death and if I was interested, I would certainly help him and think he was just adorable for being so caring for his mother.

[mjv154]

Smile, walk up with confidace in your step, and yes....actually use that line about the cheap foot wear. That's golden!

*Breaking the ice requires very little. *All you need to do is go up to that girl you see smile, say hello, and then point out some observation. *If it's a funny one it usually works best. *Like, "Hay dosen't that bartender look like Bill Cosby?". *Introduce yourself, and by then you'll be in that conversation.

*I know it sounds easy, and Norinco it is.

[Norinco]

when you walk up to strange women like that, they must know what you're up to ....right?

i dunno, i still can't imagine women like to approached by strangers out in public.....but maybe i'm ascribing too many of my own traits to them.

[mjv154]

How would you feel if someone walked up to you and said hello, told you there name and asked you yours? *If they were nice and kind in the way that they did it, chances are that you would return the gesture. *You would know what she is trying to do.

*Everyone wants to be liked, and everyone wants to be treated with kindness and sincerity. *You do , I do, and the women you approch do too. *

*Try just talking to some random woman next time you are at the store or something. *Heck, if your embarrased find one who is unattractive or overweight. *You won't be as nervious, because you have little invested in it, and if she says no and blows you off, you weren't that interested in her to begin with. *

*You have little to loose, except a min or two, but you will be able to gain the confidance you need to talk to women that you do find attractive in the future.

*Practice makes perfect...you just need to work on your game Norinco.

[oberon]

I, for the most part, agree with mjv154. *Though, I can understand, Norinco, what you are saying as well. *We tend to live mostly in a society of strangers, and anyone approaching us is viewed with suspicion (with some justification... being too trusting can get you dead, or at least badly injured). *I think you just have to use some discretion. *For example, you wouldn't go up to someone in a dark parking lot and try to start a conversation, but well-lit, public places (like K-mart...lol) should be fine. *Of course, you also probably wouldn't want to follow the person out of the store... that could be seen as stalking...lol. *Just use your best judgment. *It doesn't hurt to try to talk to people. *Heck, I've met people (and become friends- and more) in stores, parks, even at a phonebooth. * As mjv154 said, take a chance, the worst that can happen is you get blown-off. *But you just might meet someone interesting.