Girl of my dreams

[Whispir]

Hello. Ok, so I've known this girl for 5 years. Throughout that time we've been on and off a number of times. She's the only girl I've ever actually wanted to be with more than once. So now we are trying it again. Only this time things have come up that haven't ever before. The thing about her is she has a really tough time keeping a relationship. I understand, and I don't want to push her into anything. She makes me feel perfect. This is the girl that makes me want to actually become everything I've ever dreamed about. She makes me want to be the best possible person I possibly can be. Its hard to explain, but I just know she's what I want. If this isn't love there can't possibly be anything better. So it has to be. Now here's the problem. I've told her how I feel. I completely spilled my guts to her, and yes in person. She was in awe. For about a minute all she said was wow.Then she told me that I was the guy she would want to spend the rest of her life with. Only not now. She says she's not ready for that kind of commitment, or any kind of commitment. And I agree, we're both 18 and I think at this point in our life we should both be having fun. I feel great that she told me that too. Its like we both said, "I love you" without actually saying that. So we're just dating for the time being. What I'm looking for now is a little advice and feedback. Do you all think she really wants to be with me someday? What should my next move be? Should I back off for awhile? I really need to do everything I can and make the smartest moves possibly, because this is it. If I screw it up, I'll be kicking myself in the ass for the rest of my life. Thanks everyone, hope to hear from someone.

[thetease13]

well, this is just me, but you just sorta have to let nature take it's course.

if she says you're something she wants, just not right now, you have to respect that. making the right moves is not really something that can be done. she already likes you. she likes you for who you are. but this is (unfortunately in your case) something she has to decide on her own.
if something was meant to be, it was meant to be. if it wasn't, then it wasn't.

[WallyLlama]

All things being equal (which they rarely are) it sounds like you have the basis for a good relationship. Don't worry about "screwing it up;" you're only 50% of the relationship, remember. Relationships have to be able to survive imperfections on both people's part.

Your gf's perspective sounds reasonable and perhaps deserves being considered mature. Sometimes people place too much emphasis on defining the relationship and the "rules" too soon. Making the decision to spend the rest of your lives together now is not necessary. And not making that commitment doesn't mean you won't end up doing just that.

Concentrate on the relationship... how you communicate, how you complement each other... what your shared values are... building confidence in the relationship and trust in each other.

I'll date myself by recalling an old country song, "There's no ring of shining gold... so strong that it can hold a heart when it longs to be free."

Rings and pledges of commitment should be the result of a good relationship. They won't create one.

[lilly2279]

Ok, yes you guys are young. But you said she has a hard time keeping a relationship going.

So now she says she wants to spend the "rest" of her life with you, just not her life now? She wants to play around with other men and keep you hanging?

This may be okay to some people, but somehow I don't think it's okay with you or you would not have written on this board.

You've told her how you feel, she's told you she wants to date other guys and eventually end up with you. Is that alright with you?

If it is, great. If not, don't sit around and wait for her, please! Date other girls and open your heart to other girls as well. You never know what the future may hold.

[Whispir]

Hey guys/girls, thanks a ton! You all rock so much to give so much to someone who you don't even know. Its great to know that there are people out there who want to make a difference, no matter how big or small. Your advice has helped. Lily, I especially want to thank you. This girl is the girl of my dreams, but I don't think its fair for someone to say, "Hey you wait on me and I'll let you know when I feel like being with you."
Although I'm sure she didn't mean it like that, when it all comes down to it, I can wait. The reason being, I want to have fun too. And I think as long as each of us keeps the mental note to check periodicall to see if the time is right, then we should be ok. I think we need to be kids, and let our love grow over the years. One day she'll realize that she's not going to find anyone who will give her a better life. She make me feel like I can do anything.

* * On another note, I did something a bit spontaneous. I was on my way home from work at 2:00 a.m. I pulled into the grocery store, ran in, grabbed a boquet of roses and went to pay for them. The girl at the registered smiled and gave them to me for free...that was kool...but anyways, I left them on Alex(the highlight of this endless rant on love)'s car for her to find in the morning when she gets up early to go to work. So either I made a dumb mistake or she'll like em. When she asks though, Im gonna pretend like I knew nothing about it, but still leave that hint hanging around to keep her wondering. Good idea? Bad idea? Please tell! *

Last thing and I promise I'll go to bed, lol. I have a band. We are about to release our first CD. This whole experience with her over the last 5 years has given me so much inspiration and as a product I've created a song for her. If she heard it, she'd know it was about her and how I feel about her. I'm just wondering, would it be a good idea to put in on the CD? Because she's first in line to get a copy. I dont want to scare her off, but at the same time I want to do everything I can to hopefully win her heart one day. Ok, Im done for now. Thanks again everyone, your wonderful, goodnight, sweetdreams!

[lilly2279]

I think you're doing exactly the right things.

I'm glad you liked my advice. I have a friend who is in kind of a similar boat. Although the girl of his dreams is a bit older and just mentally tearing him up. He didn't like my advice and we don't even talk now! I hate that that happened. But I think you're very cool for taking advice and accepting how things are. I think one day the two of you will make a wonderful couple.

I would love to have a guy write a song about me! Geeze. Lucky girl! You're a heartbreaker. Good luck with your band! (and the girl)

[Greendale]

You just gave me an idea of how to get my girl of my dreams, I'm a musician too and I have a show to perform on Aug. 16th and she plans on showing up to see me perform. I'm thinking about writing a song for her. She'll love me then. (I hope)

[lilly2279]

Hmmm,what does it take to be the girl of someone's dreams? That sounds so sweet.

[Greendale]

There are thousands of songwriters out there that write songs for their loved ones and crushes.