I'm totally in love with a female co-worker

[Greendale]

Do you guys believe in "love at first sight"? Well it just happened to me. I just immediately fell secretly in love with a woman at where I work. She's a single mom with 2 kids. She may be a little older than me. But hey, age is just a number right? I'm 27 and she may be between the age of 30-35, but this woman is beautiful. Everytime I see her, I can't help myself but look at her, smile and talk to her a bit. Like say "hi" or get into a little casual conversation about something.

I thought she was very cool, and I love her personality too. Very down to earth and I love her sense of humor. She makes you feel like you've already known her for years.

A funny thing happened at work. I've told some other friends that I had a crush on her. So they gave me some advice on how to hook up with her. They told me to invite her to lunch with me. I keep trying to ask her out for a lunch but she is always busy with the position she is in. With her job position she has different lunch break times than me and a different schedule than I so we don't get to talk much as I'd like to.

So I left a note in her office while she wasn't there, saying we should be friends and all, call me or e-mail or whatever. Instead of calling, she e-mailed me saying that she isn't interested in dating anyone right now. I replied back saying, that's okay, I wasn't asking for a date, I was asking if you want to be close friends to get to know each other more. Now she agreed with that and agreed to be close friends.

I know this woman is single. She has never once told me if she was married or have a boyfriend, because if she was married or currently in a relationship, she would have told me right off the bat. To me it's sounding like she just got out of a bad relationship, like she just got out of a divorce or breakup. That what happens when singles just get out of a bad relationship, they stay single for a long while because it does take a long time get over an emotional breakup.

But the weird thing is, after I told some people that I had a crush on this woman at this building, I'm now having friends and other co-workers in the building, saying that I should spend more time with her around the building. They keep saying things like "Hey, why aren't you with this woman you like?", "Shouldn't you two be spending time together in and out of work?", etc. Things like that.

The thing is since me and her hardily have any time to talk, we'll just talk by e-mail and ICQ at work. Because at my job, they allow employees to chat by e-mail and ICQ. On Christmas week, I gave her a Christmas card with an Elvis refrigerator magnet, on Easter I gave her a chocolate bunny rabbit, and since I'm a musician I gave her a CD with my music on it. She's been liking me more and more because of those things. I can tell she likes me a lot by the look on her face and everytime she saw me she's always excited. I know she wants to date me, I think she is afraid to admit it.

I'm going to ask her for a lunch next week after 4th of July weekend. I'm not going to ask her out on a date yet. I want to get to know her more like what she is like outside of work and all that. I want to ask her out in front of her face, not by e-mail or ICQ chat.

The thing is, I try to move on and forget about her since she reportedly stated that she isn't interested in dating anyone now, but still don't hurt to be friends with her until she is ready to start dating again. I tried to look for other women that I may be interested in, but to be honest, I'm not really interested in anyone else but this one woman I'm talking about here. Her connection to me is really amazing and I may actually have a chance with her in the future. I'm actually trying to save myself for her.

She has a son and a daughter, and I wouldn't mind being a future stepdad. I like kids. I think she would be a perfect woman for me. I think she is the one I'm looking for.

I'm sure all of you experienced "love at first sight" at some point or another. You can't help yourself falling in love with someone even if you just met the person on the first day. Actually, I've known this woman at work for over a year now, and I've had a crush on her for a long time.

Any advice on how to get me hooked up with her will be appreciated. Thanks.

[lilly2279]

Hey Greendale,

Funny, I had a crush on someone I worked with too. Things seem to be going pretty well for us now!

An idea I have would be to get her out with a group of people from work. Maybe it would be too scary for her to go with you all by herself, if she is not ready to date. Perhaps a group of people you guys both like from work could go out to lunch or go somewhere after work for drinks or to eat?

If your co-workers already know about the big crush you have on her, then hopefully they will be willing to help you out, by going out as a group and many people asking her to come along.

This will give you a chance to get to know her outside of work and for her to be a bit more casual. That worked for me!

[WallyLlama]

This is a tough call... part of me wants to go on about how "internet relationships" are fundamentally different than "real life," but another part of me loves the romance and the mystery and the thrill of what seems to be a growing, thriving relationship.

I'm wondering how long ago she said she had no interest in dating... maybe she's changed her mind.

If she still doesn't want to "date," I'd be tempted to ask her to define what a date is and tell her you're trying to figure out how the two of you might spend time together without actually dating. That's just silly enough that she might agree to something.

There are certainly lots of ploys and options... but if you have a good solid relationship started, why not explore her reasons for holding back? Don't pressure her, but let her know that you want to understand her. Keep it between you and her, don't let coworkers get involved with advice, etc. Earn her trust and confidence.

Yes, there may be such a thing as "love at first sight," but turning that into a working relationship is a process. Sometimes the process is slow, but it always involves both people.

[Greendale]

I agree with Wally that it's a long and slow process to get the woman of your dreams and I'm working on it.

I don't want to talk about her personal stuff this soon though because I don't want to scare her off. I just want to get to know her more, I'll just tell her I want to go to lunch with her as a "friends from work" good company kind of a thing.

She'll go to lunch with me. She's been liking me more and more. She laughs and jokes around with me everytime. I can tell by the looks of her face that she does want to go out with me.

I'll talk to her more later this week. I just want to spend more time with her outside of work since we hardily have any time to get together inside of work, know what I'm saying?

[lilly2279]

If what you are seeing is true, then she is probably dying waiting for you to ask her out again. I'm with Wally, I wonder how long ago she said she was not interested in dating. If it's been a while, then she's probably kicking herself in the butt every night when she gets home because you haven't asked her out again and she sees how much she likes you.

If I were you, maybe when I decided to ask her out again I would make it very light. Definitely try to just go out as friends. That is the first step. Tell her you know that she said she was not looking to date anyone, but that you would really like to take her out as friends since you guys get along so well at work and that you think it would be so much fun to spend some time outside of work, when you're not worrying about getting work done?

It sounds very positive to me, so far.

[Greendale]

Yeah, it has been a while ago when she said she wasn't interested in dating anyone and it does seem like she wants me to ask her out again. Ever since I've been after her, she says hi to me everytime she saw me in the hallway. When she's busy talking to people in the hallway, she'll even stop talking to those people and say hi to me in the middle of a meeting or something.

I just talked to her last Friday. I went into her office, she was in the middle of a phone call, she got off the phone just so she can talk to me. She had a big smile on her face as if she was happy to see me.

I think she's waiting for me to ask her out in front of her face, not by notes, e-mails or ICQ's. That's why I want to invite to lunch, so I can ask her out to dinner and stuff like that.

I'll tell her "It won't be a dinner date or nothing, just good company, a friends from work get together kind of thing".

A lot of employees do that. Get together after work.

[Dawn]

I think that your attitude and approach is perfect.

I also think you have the right idea about how you want to start with lunch and the way you want to ask her out. Just make it simple such as asking her if she wants to grab a bite to eat with you. She has to eat sometime right? Once you're out together alone like that, even though it's casual, I think she'll be more comfortable with you and possibly more ready to open up. Good luck.

I can't wait to see how it goes.

[Greendale]

Well I just thought of a plan on to how I'm going to try to ask her out again.

Since I'm a musician and songwriter, I have my first performing paying gig coming up on the Aug. 16th. I'm trying to talk her into going to see me perform acoustically by myself. I know she'll show up, because she loves my music and she seems very excited about my show. If she does happen to be there, I'll have a few drinks with her after my performance, flirt the hell out of her (hey, that's what bar rooms are for right, that's where all the guys flirt with da ladies...), and then I'll try to ask her out. That is my plan.

[lilly2279]

Good luck! *Tell us how it goes!! *August is soo far away!!
But at least you'll know if she says yes to that, maybe it will open you up to being able to ask her out for lunch or something?

I hope she comes to see you play! *I bet she'll be really impressed seeing you up there! *woo hoo!

[Greendale]

I got great news guys, remember that Aug. 16th show I was talking about that I'll be performing an acoustic set on? Well she said she's going to see me perform if she could find a babysitter. I'm hoping she finds a babysitter so she could see me perform. After my performance, I'll hang out with her more than anyone else, it will be my chance to get to know her more and talk to her more since we hardily ever get to talk in the work building. I'm excited!!!