His parents

[Starr]

<span style='color:red'>Hi guys,

*I hope this is in the right spot, if its not please move it or re-direct me.

Any hoo... *

This is my problem - My new guys parents are VERY difficult to be near. *They are stony silent to me, *I am lucky to get &quot;hi&quot; and &quot;see you later&quot; out of them.

Now this is the thing, I dont think they dislike me, I just think they freak out around me, which is the problem, cause I freak out around them freaking out and I'm startingto get sick of trying to be nice to them with no real feed back from them.

case in point:</span>
<span style='colorurple'>I was at his house right on dinner time and he had decided to pick me up ... *this meant that i had no way to escape. *So I ate with the family.

akk

it was total horror! *We ate in total silence, except for a few seconds when his mother was being a cow to him, and when his sister and I *got a slight fit of giggles.


We went out, and sat at the table and he goes

&quot;Mum why do you have the good china out?&quot;

[Mother shoots look of complete horror and disgust at him]

mother simply comments &quot;well I'm trying to fit 5 people onto a 4 person table&quot;

[you should have heard the tone]

more to the point, what does the table have to do with the china, what does it have to do with the price of eggs? *I could understand at my place cause our every day setting only feeds 4, but *geeze, *ummmm, I dunno

Me -&gt; &quot;thanks very much for having me&quot; (what else can I say in reply to that)


her -&gt; &quot;thats fine&quot;

we eat.

there is silence untill mother picks on him for over spending and the dollars per hour he earns. *I do not know how to respond in a positive tone to this choice of table conversation. *I mean at home its fine, but how do you discuss *some ones wage ... *its not really friendly dinnere chit chat. *So I leave it. *Any how, dinner was pasta and I needed to concentrate on not spliiling pasta sauce all over the table cloth. *(and hide my tattoo at the same time. *I suppose they probably think I *have great posture, cause I'm always sitting up straight.)

some where in here, I hide a slight smile cause its just so uncomfortable that its laughable, sister also thinks this as she actually giggles. *I force my self to not cack up cause once i start...

Meal over (thank you lord)

&quot;that was lovely thank you&quot;

&quot;thank you, would you like fruit&quot;

&quot;no thanks, I had a late lunch&quot; (Read let me get out of here NOW I can not sit here a second longer)

&quot;Do you want a coffee&quot;

&quot;No thanks&quot;

we leave the table

we get to his room, he comments on how IKK *that was and gives me a big hug. *also promises that he wont make me eat with his family again in a very long time
</span> <span style='color:red'>The annoying thing is, right after this, as he was getting ready to drive me home his parents gave me a voucher for cheap gas because they dont need them. *Well, gave him a voucher to give to me and he's always saying how his dad is making stupid / sick / really funny jokes even sometimes about us (in the whole &quot;ohhh lovers&quot; vein) ... *the same man I cant get more than one syllabyl out of... *and his mother has commented on how nice I always look, even when its just to hang out at home (but behind my back)









any help ... *any help at all on how I can crack these ppl and make them warm to me in some little way because its becoming HORRIBLE and I dont want to be around them.

Hope all this is clear,

Ellie</span>

[oberon]

Hmm... There's a quote, something like, &quot;More marriages have been called on account of in-laws&quot;...lol. *

What can I say? *Maybe they will &quot;warm up&quot; to you eventually. *Or maybe they are just horrible people to be around. *You just have to decide if he is worth putting up with them. *You won't be able to change how they act so the best you can do is learn to tolerate it. *Or start an all out war by saying exactly what you think- which probably won't be too good for your relationship. *

I guess what MY advice boils down to is (1) dump him or (2) Grin and bear it. * Not much help but they are the only choices I see.

***Yes, I know, she could try to buddy up to them, but if they aren't having any it's hard to build a relationship from one side.

[LittleFury]

Hmmm...well...at elast they are not doing an imitation of Cornholio from &quot;Beavis and Butthead&quot; My mother does that a lot...in Russian.
My bf's mtoher was kind of silent for a bit then we met. Some people take a bit of time to warm up to. But I would say them making those remarks would be a good thing, especially comparing to what we think my mother does everynigh &quot;Please let my daughter's bf die a horrible horrible death&quot;
Maybe they are just very shy. Take time to try to get to know them. Try to do soemthing that would make them talk, like ask if they could show your bf's baby pics and such. Also try to get from your bf what thigns they like and just sometimes it's good to go with the flow. Good luck

[Starr]

thanks guys,

My dad is the opposite, he crack the worst jokes, which is a shame cause my dad and my guy got along so well before my guy was my guy and now my guy just feels strange near my dad cause he trys too hard.

but i love him for it, and even more so cause my guys parents dont try at all.

I think the baby photos are a great idea. I'm goign to try and use that somehow.

Thanks,

[demonbuttercup]

also, maybe suggest your b/f &quot;help you out a little&quot;.
i mean, be like, don't leave me hanging lol help out the convo so its just not complete silence.

my boyfriends dad was kind of like that when we first met. all my b/f friends said he was quiet and didn't say much but im like you... i would have liked a &quot;hi&quot; or &quot;kiss my ass&quot; or something.
his mom was good tho she's was very talkative and helped me open up b/c im usually the shy one.
my b/f and i have been together for 3 yrs and now i get a long great w/ them (i know your thinking damn i gotta wait that long? no it didn't take that long but it does take time...usually)
his dad even lets me borrow his xbox games lol.

at least its better than the experience i had a few weeks ago. i live in FL but my family lives in AL.
i was taking my b/f home for the first time. he's met my mom but not my stepdad and friends.
well we are staying at my moms house. she and i are nervous my stepdad is going to be rude and pick on him, which he tends to do a lot.
but he was so NICE is was SCARY lol. we were like wow!! i think we can actually make it through the week.
we got there sunday
tuesday morning at 3 a.m. i wake up to the fact my stepdad was having a heartattack...so im running around the house freaking out, my b/f is just trying to calm me down. he practically has to drag my stepdad to the car so my mom could drive him to the hospital.. talk about first impressions...lol.
then we were teasing my b/f saying he made my stepdad have a heartattack b/c my stepdad was having to be SOOO NICE...LOL... it stressed him out.
no worries tho, he ok now, so we can look back and laugh a little.

so just think, it could be worse.
just be yourself. i learned not to try to be overly nice, just be my normal considerate self. you seem like a nice girl, hopefully they will warm up to you.
how long have you guys been going out???

im like you tho, besides my stepdad, my mom is totally easy to get to know. i mean she hugs you right off and makes you totally feel welcomed.

[Starr]

we hanvt been a 'couple' for long but we finished school together so I've known him 4 years, not that I spent much time with them before we started dating... its only recent that I've been spending more than 5 minutes at at a time at there place.


thanks for re-assuring me, Hope your Step Dad gets better real soon.

El

[WallyLlama]

I'd throw in that joining a family dinner is (or can be) something akin to intruding into the inner sanctum. So much depends on family dynamic... but there's a lot going on here - or may be. It's important to look outside yourself and consider some of the emotions and thoughts of others.

What's obvious from your report is that there was a lot of discomfort during dinner. There are many possible explanations for it, including just a simple lack of social skill! I know for myself it's difficult to keep a long conversation going across a generation or with someone I've just met who only seems to have short comments or answers.

(Also when it's a couple... it's easy to get the sense that they &quot;only have eyes for each other.&quot

I'd suggest you &quot;bone up&quot; on your social and conversational skills and attempt to compensate for the tension and or quiet.

Ask questions! Just be sure that you ask questions that are open-ended and can't be answered with one word. (Also questions that are non-threatening.) Your bf should be able to help with topics... maybe hobbies, jobs, etc. Don't question, be interested.

Whenever we have a &quot;housefull&quot; that spans several generations, I occasionally will fuel dinner conversation with &quot;What was the... funniest, best, thing that happened to you today?&quot;

The most important thing to remember is that they may well be just as uncomfortable as you are, for any number of reasons.

Help them out; they'll love you.

Wally

[Starr]

Wally - Your the second person to suggest that so even though I'd feel like a dork and have no idea exactly how I'd do it I think I'm going to have to be the one to break the ice.

thanks for your great advice

El