open relationship?

[brytho]

I am a senior in high school and my girlfriend and I are going to college. I am going to rochester,NY and she is going to Boston. I love her to death, but she mentioned an open ended relationship which basically means that she gets to have sex with whoever she wants while we are not together. I feel that i am way to involved with her emotionally and that I probably couldn't stand the thought of her with another guy. Am I being selfish and impractical? I know when I'm in college shes the only girl im going to think about, so i dont know..... It feels like she is allowed to cheat, guilt free. Has this ever worked in a relationship before? I need advice!

[lilly2279]

This is something you definitely need to discuss with her directly. Does she feel the same way you feel about her? I can't say that it will work, that she'll date and not fall in love. Noone can say that for sure. It's risky, but you don't have much of an alternative. If she is wanting to experience dating other men while she is away, she will probably resent you if you say you don't want her to. I would sit her down and tell her how much you care about her and how it will be very hurtful to you if you know she is out dating other men. See what she says. If that is not important to her, then you may have to think long and hard about your relationship as a whole.

Hope it goes well, this is a tough one.

[oberon]

I think you both either need to decide to try to have a long distance relationship (hard) or take a break for a while. *The rules need to be very clear cut. *Otherwise, someone is going to get hurt.

As was said before, you really can't "date" other people and not expect that one of you isn't going to fall for someone else. *The chance is there. *

I would say that since she is talking about wanting to date other people then her mind is pretty much made up already. *So if you do decide to take a break, *enjoy college!

[LittleFury]

I think what you're feeling about the situation is perfectly normal. My bf and know several couples for who open relationships worked, and while we don't we're fine with them doing that, he and I could never do soemthing like that. It does not feel right. If you're commited to one person, you should be with that one person. Thats our view tough.
I would suggest you figure out what you really want. If you want to try long distance relationship or if you want to break up. Then sit her down and have a real heart to heart talk with your gf, explaining (only if thats how you feel though) that open relationship is our of the question for you, and see what you can do about it. Good luck.

[WallyLlama]

An interesting dilemma! On the positive side, the girl's been quite honest and forthright. One of the joys of long-distance relationships is that people get to do pretty much what they want without the other partner knowing. That she chose not to take that route is admirable.

I wonder if she described open-ended as meaning she "gets to have sex with whoever she wants." Or is that your description? Bear in mind, you say she gets to "cheat, guilt free." Well, so do you! (Let's be real - you will "think about" other women during those cold nights in Boston. I'm also assuming she hasn't announced an intention to do the entire football team her first week on campus.)

I'm not necessarily a fan of "open relationships," but every relationship is about relating and that includes how two people manage to allow each other to be individuals while at the same time being a couple. It seems that she's tilted to the individual side a lot more than you are.

Her plan may be much more realistic than yours. The irony is that she might date but never sleep with another guy. I'm not convinced this needs to be an "all or nothing." You are going to have a long-distance relationship, the question is how (and when!) that relationship gets defined. Why not take it a little at a time and see how the relationship fares?

Wally

[vagabondprince]

as someone going through a long distance relationship right now (at least it's just the summer and not a whole school year thank goodness), and someone whose girlfriend wanted to try an "open" relationship i will tell you what i would do. you have to look at the fact you're going to college now. that is something that will change your life. i'm not saying you will pursue other relationships, or even think about other girls while you're there, but unless you're dedicated almost to the point of obsession, i think you will possibly pursue other relationships. based on that opinion, i'd recommend taking a break in the relationship rather than still calling it an ongoing relationship. this will clear your conscience a little if you do decide to pursue other relationships and will keep you from worrying quite as much about what your girlfriend is doing.

during the couple of weeks my girlfriend and i decided to try an "open" relationship (she had simply wanted to call it that out of fear of commitment and never actually tried to date other guys) i had become so paranoid, because i still had that relationship connection to her but i worried about whether she might be doing someone else while i wasn't with her. the tension led to a break-up that was nearly detrimental to my semester as it was right at finals, and could potentially have permanently scarred our relationship had i been any worse about it. luckily we're happily together now...sort of. we do live very far away from each other when we're not at school, so we're kinda taking a break just in case something might happen that one of us would regret if we were still technically in a relationship. but we do still talk to each other all the time

that was a longwinded way of saying take a break rather than opening your relationship up, cuz you never know what'll happen there in Rochester.