I think a guy at work is hot, HELP! lol

[lilly2279]

Okay, here's the thing. I'm 30 years old, been married, no kids, now divorced. I should not be a total moron when it comes to guys. lol. I have dated since the divorce, but have always been asked first, yada yada..

Well, I work a job at night while I attend school. It's not like the job of the century or anything, just a silly job to get me through school. Anyway, there is this guy there that is soooo cute! 6 years older than me and so sweet and cute! I spent like the first month or so that I started there trying to make eye contact with him and smile, lol, and he'd pretty much look through me...

Well some people from work went out last week and asked me to go, so I went and he went too! He introduced himself to me and sat by me and we talked a bit. BUT there is this evil girl there who is NOT nearly as cute as I. She was practically draped on him all night and making all kinds of comments about sex, etc and just about humping him there at the bar. grrrrrr. The other people I was with mentioned something about it when he went to the bathroom (and the girl had already left) and how he is not interested, etc. I was all ears. lol.

My problem is he sits by her at work and I kinda sit a ways away from him. I can see him, but not really talk without being TOTALLY obvious. When he walked by my desk the other day he said "hi" and I of course responded then proceeded to turn about 5 shades of red! grrrrr. I'm soo not smooth and not a good flirter! I wish I could sit in her place, but afraid I would look totally obvious like her, too, and he'd be totally freaked out. I'm not sure he really likes to be pursued like that either and I know how desperate she looks pawing him and I don't want to look like that, but I want him to notice me!

HELP!!

Any tips??

[WallyLlama]

As a guy... I'd have to say that he's probably noticed you. Most of us guys notice a lot more than we get credit for. LOL

I see two stumbling blocks: first, "fooling around" at work can be deadly... I'd have to be in major lust and be major confident before I made a move. (That might explain his lack of reaction to the gal who's after him.)

Second, does he know your story? By that I mean does he know that you're not married, etc.?

Tips? Without knowing more about how your workplace functions, I can only offer a few ideas.

Can you call him on his telephone or send an email?

Can you approach his desk and ask for help with a work project?

I'd say pass him a note, but that might get a little high schoolish. LOL

From what you're describing, I think you're smart to keep it subtle and approach him on a more "intellectual" level. She acts like she wants to get laid. You act like you want to talk. You might even become the person who rescues him from her! (Yeah, guys need rescuing too. LOL)

You can smile at him, right? Maybe even a little "wink?" Let him catch you looking at him a couple of times.

Enjoy the thrill... don't be too concerned about being embarassed or blushing. Coy can be cute.

Wally

[lilly2279]

Thank you for responding! The place where we work is very casual. Actually one of the supervisors is dating a guy who there, so I know it's not a big deal - plus they are gay men, so apparently it's no big deal. As long as you're not making out at work and acting like children they don't care.

I can smile at him and have. I've thought about winking, but am such a baby and am having to work up to that. ha ha. Yeah, this girl at work wants to get laid, I know. And seriously if he does end up banging her, I will lose all interest. She's such an oddball and 14 years younger than him.

We have phones at work, but that is actually our job, so we can't use them to call each other. And we do not have e-mail. The note thing could be a good idea except for the fact that he's usually sitting next to the freak who wants to bang him and I'm sure she'd see. And I don't know what I'd say. A couple of girls at work said they needed to take me out and invite him and get me drunk - courage in a bottle so to speak, lol. But I definitely don't want to act like an idiot in front of him. I'd rather have my wits together and remember what I said. lol.

I do plan on inviting myself tomorrow night, as well. I am hoping they will be going out again. Any ideas on if I do end up going out with them again? What should I say? Should I wear a low cut shirt? I have a pretty good size chest. Not something sleazy,but something a little showey? Do you think that would make him not take me seriously? I need a man's point of view there, for sure. I don't like it when people come off looking like sluts or acting like them.

He doesn't know my whole situation. I kinda did say I had been married. But didn't quite work a way to say that I was also divorced with no kids.. lol.

eeeeeek. This should not be so hard! lol.

[WallyLlama]

I remember once coaching a gal who was going on an important interview... she asked if she should wear a short skirt. I replied that about the only thing the short skirt would get her is a long interview and not the job. LOL

Seriously, it's hard to know without knowing both of you. If you want to get laid a low cut blouse might arouse (hehe) his interest.

Personally... I'm attracted to women who exude confidence without being slutty or arrogant. If you give me the sense that you don't have to wear something slutty to show off your sexuality, I'll find a way to end up with you. :-) But that's me. I'd say if he hasn't looked interested in the competition, that tells you her approach isn't the right one.

You're right, this should not be so hard. LOL I think you just need to relax, keep smiling and maybe throw in a wink - particulary at the bar. Stay away from the courage in a bottle. Just be your lovely charming self... watch his non-verbals, look for opportunities to "bond" with him. (Like if he goes to the men's room, go with him since you have to use the ladies room anyway. LOL)

I didn't mean to imply that he needs to know everything about you... we just don't want him to think you're married.

Remember, he may be as much of a "baby" as you are... he may be thinking the same thoughts, working up his courage as well. Think of it as "foreplay" in the gentlest and most innocent form. I can't believe you're not giving off some signals... if he's not one of the gays (couldn't resist) he's got to be getting the signals.

The question you want to keep answering is how you can keep sending the signals... some would say playing with your hair while you're around him is a method... listen intently when he speaks... touch him innocently when the opportunity arises.

Don't throw yourself at his feet. Look him straight in the eye and let him see deeply.

I'll bet you're better at all this stuff than you realize.



Wally

[duckie]

Wow Wally! I guess we know who to go to for dating advice now don't we.
Lilly I have to completely agree with Wally. I think the next time you go out dress with confidence find something to wear that is very flattering for your figure and you, remember to also dress for the place that you're going to be at. I would say that you'll turn more heads if you leave to the imagination than if you show more than you should. Carry yourself with confidence.
When you're out and enjoy a few drinks you may ask some of your friends to start a conversation and then ask you a few questions that you can answer this way you can get the information out that you want to get out without being really forward about it. This way you can also control the conversation without looking like your controlling the conversation. Keep up what your doing and I bet you'll be happy with the results.
Good Luck!

[oberon]

WallyLlama and duckie are- as usual- right on target. I'm perhaps a bit more direct- especially since you have superslut sniffing around...lol.

Talk to him. Find out what he likes. If you can turn the conversation to food, find out what kinds he likes and maybe suggest that you have dinner together at a new restaurant. Sort of, "I'd really like to go to *****, but I hate to go to a restaurant alone....". If he's terminally shy, then ask him to go.

They are right about not being too suggestive. Keep it casual and friendly. Once you have him alone, then you can judge whether or not to turn up the heat.

[lilly2279]

Oh, you guys are great. Okay, I'm not going to wear any suggestive clothing. Work is pretty casual, so we can wear shirts and jeans, shorts, etc. So, I'll just stick with the casual capris and shirts with regular necklines. lol. I don't want him to think I just want a quick lay! lol.

Questions are good. Asking what kind of food he likes, etc. I might be able to play that if "super slut" is not around (love that name and I'll be thinking it in my head every time I see her now!) She did ask some questions last week. Like how big his package was. Geeeeeeze. I about died, but I'll admit I kept an ear on that conversation! ha ha. He never did come out and say. lol. He just seems so sweet and considerate. I have a huuuuge fear or rejection, tho. I would hate for him to think I was pursuing him if he was totally not interested and just being nice to me. lol. See, I'm a goof!

Okay, well, I'll be working with him tomorrow night. Hopefully they will go out after work tomorrow. They went out last week cuz we got out of work early. Taht may not happen this week and I'll be all bummed!

I'll let you know! But please do feel free to send any more ice breakers, etc.

I'm gonna try the hair twirling thing he he. Maybe danging my sandel off of my foot? guys like that kind of stuff? he he.

[WallyLlama]

Dangle the sandal, I'll follow you anywhere! LOL

Licking your lips is supposed to be good too. (No slurping or drooling, though.)

You know, you could be the one to suggest you "all" go out after work. You might even start by making the suggestion to him.

BTW, part of the confidence is not being intimidated by Super Slut. If the spirit moves you, walk right over to his desk and ask if he's heard whether or not folks are going out after work.

You'll do fine!

Wally

[lilly2279]

Okay, I walked over in between him and my other friend's desk yesterday and asked if they were going out. He was all for it. So we all went out again (including super slut he he) and went and played pool and such. It was pretty fun. He bought me a drink - but he bought other people drinks too. He also came and stood with me at the jukebox and helped me pick out some songs. But I can't really tell if he likes me or not? grrrr. superslut didn't throw herself at him, but acted more like his g/f than anything, hanging out by him and such, letting him buy all her drinks for her, sitting by him, etc. grrrr. I'm getting very tired of her. lol.

While we were at the bar we ran into my ex husband's cousin. How weird is that? I was so happy my ex was not with them, that would have been very tense for me. ha ha. But anyway it was as nice relaxed evening AND I asked them all to come over to my place next week. Thought we could get some beer and hang out at my place and maybe I'll make something to eat, since they all like to eat a little something after work too. Of course, the invited included super slut, lol. Soo, that kinda sucks, but it would have been really weird if I had said "oh, except you" ha ha.

He is such a nice guy! I think he's so sweet and mature acting (i know that sounds corny, but you don't knw the people I've dated and married) so any ideas on what I could do next week at my house to make him think I'm the greatest? he he.

You guys are soo great with suggestions! I love this message board!!!

[duckie]

It sounds like it went well the other night. I think that you made some very wise mature moves and he may have a spark started with you, he did go over and help you pick out music! Did you get an idea for what kind of music he likes?

Good luck with your get together, try putting on the radio that plays the type of music he likes as some background noise. Mexican food usually goes over very well, and margaritas go very well together. Or you could grill if you have the ability to at your place. YOu could also do a pot luck. Battle of the Sexes is a fun board game which puts the guys against the girls.
Who knows maybe he'll come by a little early it'll give you a chance to visit with him a bit.

Good luck!