Confused and anxious

[p0pychulo8]

Okay so I am going to be a sophmore in college and i am on summer break now. At the beginning of my freshman year I met a girl. she had a bf that she had been going out with for about 2 years. she ended up breaking up with him a couple of weeks later due to continuous problems they were having. We got together and it was awesome. We talked about everything and she was great. we were never really going out though. A couple of weeks into it her old bf called her and they ended up getting back together. she said that she had to give it another chance bc of all the history that her and him had. so whatever. then things got a little awkward between us and we didnt really talk for a while. 2nd semester came around and we had a class together. we started talking again just as friends. she had broken up with her bf again at this point but i did not know this yet. end of the year comes around and she tells me that we should hang out one day. we did and we had a great time. we kissed and did some other stuff...nothing too serious. she left at like 4:30 in the morning to go back to her room. then for the next few days she did not really talk to me. it came time to leave school to go home and she still didnt say anything. i tried a few times to talk to her but she never came to the room like she said she would. i ended up talking to her on the computer and she said that she was avoiding me bc she felt bad and embarrased bc we were not going to date. i asked her if we werent going to date bc she did not want to or it it was for other reasons. she went on to say that she thought that i was a cool guy but that she was going to be very busy and did not know if she would have time to have a bf. i told her that we could take it slow and just talk on the phone and stuff to get to know more about eachother (she lives about 2 1/2 hours north of me). she said that it sounded good. here are my thoughts. she is a very conservative girl. i think that she is a little afraid of going out with another guy that is not her old bf. he is the only guy she has ever seriously dated. i think that bc she does not know what to fully expect from me, a new guy, she doesnt want to take the chance. i think that she was embarrased about that night bc she has never done anything with another guy b4. we have tons of common interests and we have awesome conversations when we do talk. i know that she likes me, but i am almost fully convinced that she is just totally afraid to start a relationship with a new guy. we have not talked since we talked on the computer. should i call her? what should i do? should i just forget about her? should i just wait until we get back to school after summer to talk to her?

[Rawbob]

Well, i wouldn't wait by the phone for her call if thats what you're asking!

It sounds like u have the makings ofa great friendship, and MAYBE MORE if you play it right.

I think maybe she came to realize that college is important to her, and that she needs to focus on that. Some guys just dont' understand that and so MAYBE she just wants to keep you at a healthy distance where she and you can enjoy each other's company and NOT complicate it with a heavy love relationship.

If smart, you'll back off in the "I want to see you" kinda rhetoric. Keep it fun, and friendly - but steer clear of words like "boyfriend/girlfriend."

In the meantime, since you're 2 1/2 hours away, i'd keep my dating options wide open. See other girls, date, have fun - NOT EVERY RELATIOSHIP HAS TO BE SERIOUS! You're in college....enjoy it. Learn about life and love like you learn about history, philosophy and other classes! The big difference here is that you're dealing with REAL LIFE - not theory!

ps: you gal friend is smart tho....school is important and there' splenty of time in your life for LOVE and "forever"...but it's best to have a degree in your hand when you say "I DO" - in the big picture your education is crucial...but you can still have fun meeting and dating as much as you can (without streessing your college studies).

HOpe this helps!

[duckie]

I have to agree with Rawbob. Play it cool and who knows maybe she'll come around if not don't set your life on hold for something that might be. Rebound relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. Girls aslo take long term relationdhips different and this is probably why it was so easy for her to go back to her old beau, it's hard to just forget when there is an emotional attachment. If she got hurt she may be against another relationship if your still available and she's ready then go for it, but don't push anything that's not ready to happen. Because you'll end up not even having a friendship with her. Enjoy yourself have a great summer and who knows! Just don't put your life on hold.

[oberon]

I'd say try being her friend. *If something else happens, fine. *If it doesn't then at least you have another friend. *

Rawbob is correct when he says not every relationship has to be serious. *As a friend neither you nor she have to worry if you are talking to each other too much or not enough. *The same goes for spending time together. *

Get to know each other more and then decide if you both want to take this further than friendship- maybe AFTER college.

[p0pychulo8]

thanx for all the help. i know that not all relationships have to be serious. Her and i have talked about this and neither one of us is really looking to be in serious relationships where you constantly have to be with the person. The fact is that i do not date every single girl who looks good. i am kind of picky and do not date girls who i know i have nothing in common with. for me, there has to be more than a physical attraction. we have to connect and an intellectual level for me to even give a girl the time of day. dont get me wrong, i know that i am in college and that this is the best time in my life, but i still dont go slutting around with a bunch of girls. it seems like a waste to me to finally meet a girl who i have so much in common with to just possibly let it pass by. that is why i am so anxious. i am not going to wait by the phone (that wasnt what i was asking), but i am not going to lie, i do want something to happen with this one. (while i am not looking for something serious now, i do see a possible future with her and i, whether it just be dating for a while or whatever) i also dont have a problem with not dating anyone. with the exception of her, i didnt date anyone this whole year for the simple reason that nobody really caught my eye or mind.