is it love?

[miss-e]

I have always been skeptical of my friends who say that they're in love with people.

This is mostly because I believe that often young people believe they're in love when it is often simply infatuation. I met this guy at university this year and we became best friends. I can tell him everything and he does likewise to me. We are the goofiest people ever and always have a great time together.

Over time, our friendship developed into more (suprised me like crazy, I was never planning on it!). Our relationship stayed pretty much the same because we were already so close (talking on the phone til 6 or 7 in the morning before a 9 am class, spending all the time together) but we eventually became involved sexually which has been wicked (still haven't had sex yet).

I care for this guy more than i've ever cared for one before. obviously we have silly little tiffs but always work them out and he's ALWAYS respectful. basically he's everything i've ever dreamed of and more and beliieevve me, I have high expectations. I recently came back home for the summer and as I expected, I miss him a ton. i think about him all the time and even though i'm having a great time with my old friends here, I miss him to pieces. I feel like I'm in love him but I don't know if i can trust these feelings because i've never had them before and our relationship is still relatively new. How do you know when its love?

[WallyLlama]

Now there's a question that's never been asked before.

I'm not making fun of you, but simply trying to create perspective.

A couple of thoughts:

There are all sorts of love and that sometimes confuses people. Generally, I think we also sometimes "fall in love" with what people do more than who they are... and it becomes very difficult for us to decide if it's about the total person.

Secondly, I'm not totally convinced that love (alone) is a good basis for a relationship... all you have to do is read a few posts here to discover people who are in love (they say) with someone who clearly is either "screwed up" or something less than an ideal life partner.

Assuming your descriptions are accurate... it sounds to me like you have a good thing going. I hear a good balance between "love" and "relationship."

Let it grow deeper if it will (just like it already has)... don't look for a magic test to put it through. There aren't many black and whites in love and relationships. Trust your instincts, but keep your brain engaged.

Wally

[oberon]

Hi miss-e and welcome.

I think WallyLlama is on to the right idea. *Ole Willie Shakespeare said, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." *Does it matter if you call it love or not? *First of all, I think you should just enjoy your relationship. *Let it grow and see how things go.

I, too, think people jump onto the "love" bandwagon a little too quickly. *There are different stages and different types of love. *When most people start a new relationship the first time they say "I love you" what they really mean is "I'm IN love with you". *As in: we have fun together, you make me feel all giddy, I feel special with you. *All the good stuff. * I, personally, believe that to truly love someone you are ready and to some extent have already learned to love the not so pretty side of that person. ie: you steal the covers but I love you anyway, you sometimes say hurtful things but I love you anyway.

Just take it slow and have fun. *See what develops. *It is okay and even somewhat proper that in a new relationship you miss him a lot. *In my opinion, when you get to the stage where you don't miss him so much, but you STILL want him around, then you'll know it's love.

[thetease13]

see, i find a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. you can love someone all you want and think about them all the time, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're IN love with them.

but how do you know? well. I think it's kinda like knowing when you want to lose your virginity. You just, know.

and adding on to oberon, I think in a way, love has to deal with missing them, but not always wanting to be with them at every waking moment. wanting to be with them at every waking moment is more of an infatuation to me, not so much love.
My parents have been married for over 30 years and I know they love each other, but I also know they can't spend every second of every day with each other, or they might literally go crazy.

[duckie]

I would have to agree with what everyone else has mentioned before. How do you know when it's love? YOu just know. When my husband and I went on our first date almost 10 years ago I knew that night that this was the man I was going to marry, you just know. We knew each other before then and talked I knew his family. For me being in love meant a lot of different things, chemistry, he made me laugh, we had fun together, we always had things to say to each other(because we had our own lives), upbringing(we both have alot of the same values) and he knows how to treat people which was very important to me, I'm not talking just me I'm talking people in general. Then came the sexual chemistry which is great but without all the rest all you have is sex. And that doesn't get you very far in the long run. I'd be scared to think of what could've been with some of the boyfriends I had when I was younger. Was I in love, I thought I was at the time but it was more of infatuation the thought that it was great that someone was paying attention to me and sex brought us closer together I thought. But I was fooling myself, so ask yourself this can I see myself with this person for the rest of my life good and bad. If yes then I truly believe that's love. Yes you learn along the way and there are bumpy roads along the way but communication and love is what gets you through those times not sex.

To me from what I've read miss-e it sounds like your on the right road.

[Tessie]

I met my husband at a job training class and went out the second day. Saw each other everyday and moved in together exactly two weeks later.

Been together now 15 years and married for 13. Was I stupid for moving him with him so fast like that. Ahhhhh YES!!!!

You see I was head over heels "in love" with him. He could do no wrong and all. That lasted for a few months then we had our first really bad fight. I was then all confused because the wonderment of this man was gone and I was seeing him without the rose colored glasses on.

He had flaws. Lots of them. * I had to decide then if I wanted to continue even though I wasn't walking on air anymore.

Loving someone means you take the good with the bad. There are days when I still look at him and feel like he can do no wrong and then there are times when I want to bash his face in. Most of the time I bounce along somewhere in the middle. *