my turn now

[thetease13]

Ok, so some of you know what kinda of relationship I'm in, and some of you don't. For those that don't, I'm involved with someone who is 18 years older than I am - which doesn't bother me in the least bit. (He is also married, but that doesn't bother me either nor does it have anything to do with what I'm about to say.)
Ok, the age thing doesn't bother him either, obviously, or we would not still be doing things.

Anyways, I have never been the type of person to share things with other people. I don't really share emotions or feelings with people. It's just not something I do. Granted, he does know a lot about me that other people don't because honestly, he is the only person that will listen to me sometimes even if he doesn't give a shit about what I'm really saying. But, there are somethings he says sometimes, and while I know he's just joking, it grates on my nerves. I try my best to come back with a response that's actually a serious response but I play it off as joking because I know that he's not really trying to hurt me and that he is just messing around. And I don't want to snap at him and get mad at him or anything because he really is just messing around and whatnot.

But I guess my question is, since I'm not exactly a feelings sharing or emotions sharing person, how exactly would I approach him about what he said somewhat hurting me or that it bugs me?
It's not a pet peeve or anything he does, it's just something he said today (and did it once jokingly last year), and it just bugs me that he said it because he generally knows how I feel about him (he doesn't know how strongly, but he does know I like him a lot). And I came up with the best response that I could, and while being serious about it I said it back jokinly, but I feel like I should've said something more.

Can anyone help me?

[LittleFury]

Well, on the first try you could always say something like "Hun, I know you're joking, but this still hurts me, so please don't say something like that again". That could work the first time. If he says it again, I would suggest reminding him what you asked. Third time, I give you permission to feed him wierd stuff and make him watch a chick flick

[demonbuttercup]

i think maybe you should just come out and say something if he does it again.
sometimes guys can be insensitive when it comes to certain things and they don't even mean to or even know they are doing it... ya know?
or he's just trying to be funny and silly and doesn't realize that you see an underlying truth to what he says...and take him seriously... i dunno.
we all enjoy fun and playful teasing but sometimes it can get real old real fast and the teasing becomes hurtful.
i like littlefury's approach..lol
"Hun...i know you are just playing around but sometimes i don't really find it that funny...etc."
i bet he in no way would ever hurt your feelings and doesn't even know he's doing it. if you say something i bet he won't get mad he'll feel sorry. otherwise, he'll keep doing it thinking you think its funny and deep down you are bottling up negative feelings toward him.
just be open and honest.
good luck.

[oberon]

LittleFury... Great answer! She's right. Just be honest and say, "Even though it was a joke, it hurts." If he really cares about your feelings that should be enough. Just because the two of you don't have a conventional relationship doesn't mean there aren't feelings there. Heck, even friends can, in a joking way, hurt your feelings.

[thetease13]

Thanks for the help guys. *

I just feel...somewhat stupid i guess..because it's just something really stupid that I'm bothered over. *And I honestly don't know why it bothers me so much.
I was talking to him about how I'm tired of waiting and how I was becoming impatient (because something always comes up at the last minute for us and it sucks, a lot) and he makes the stupid remark of how I would make a college boy really happy. *And I know that it was just meant as a joke because for starters I know he wants it as much as I do and he's frustrated about it as well that something always comes up, and because the last time he got any was the last time we were together, which was like 4 or 5 months ago. [Which I find obsurd. Note to women: please your man throughout your years of marriage. Don't cut him off. That's cruel. lol]

So yea, it's really something stupid to be bothered by, but for whatever reason I am. **shrug*

[WallyLlama]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (thetease13 @ April 24 2004,14:46)]It's not a pet peeve or anything he does, it's just something he said today (and did it once jokingly last year), and it just bugs me...

Hmmm. If I was with someone who only said something that bugged me once a year, I think I could live with it. LOL Actually that's a snappy reply with a vein of truth... sometimes the problem is not the words another person says, it's our ability to control how they affect us.

That said, I would agree with others... if it really upsets you, requesting that he not say it again is certainly not unreasonable.

Wally