What the HELL???

[heretosatisfy]

Ok here's the deal. Me and my girlfreind have been together just over a year now and we are pretty serious. Both of us have agreed to not have sex but we still engage in plenty of other things instead....well sort of. That's the problem. Lately I don't know what is with her. We both go to the same college and have roomates. When we're together in a situation where we can't really fool around (not sure when roomates will be back primarily) she'll be much more sexual, touch me, talk to me in sexual ways saying she's horny and stuff. The problem is that when we get time to ourselves it all of a sudden shuts off and she doesn't want to do ANYTHING, like even let me caress her chest. When we do do stuff it's usually just her getting satisfaction (probably a 3:1 ratio her pleasure). I have no idea what to say to her, if I should, or why she's doing it. I know this is long but I figured the more info the better. Please help me with this, thanks in advance.

[IMaChic]

wow.... that sounds really strange... and she was never like this before? just recently?
hmm... i think you just really need to talk to her. maybe there's some possibility that she wants to be caught in the act for somereason? like maybe the thought of being caught doing somethin turns her on? cuz some people are like that. but if she was never like that before... i dunno... the best tip i can give u is you HAVE to talk to her. And you also gotta let her know that when you give her pleasure you want something back in return.

[heretosatisfy]

See that's the thing. She REALLY is anti getting caught. She doedsn't like to kiss in public (no more then a peck) she's the one worried about roomates and such and she's expressed how embarressing it would be before. Also when I give her pleasure there's no way she can do anything for me cause she is completely dead (I'm not exaggerating at all I promise).

[thetease13]

well i'm very anti getting caught too...but the thought of talking dirty and giving my guy "the look" in public is a bit of a turn on...for both of us.

and when we're alone, well, we both get some pleasure (him more than me usually), but my body just doesn't seem to always want to cooperate with my mind...so sometimes it's harder to get into the mood.

i mean i know that isn't exactly like you described...but i personally think it's a thirll issue.
she doesn't want to get caught and doesn't want to kiss in public...but the thought of talking and whispering dirty is a turn on to her.

[oberon]

IMaChic hit the nail on the head. Talk to your girlfriend. She's the one with the answers you want. I can think of too many options to try and make a guess at her motives.

You aren't being unreasonable to want a little satisfaction yourself. You are willing to see to her pleasure. It seems only fair that she be interested in your's.

So just talk to her. Tell her how you feel. She may not even know that you are feeling frustrated. You won't know unless you ask.

Hope it all works out for you.

[**StRiPpEd*AwAy**]

Hi. I hope I can help, as a while back in my relationship I was the same way as your girlfriend. Now I may be wrong seeing that like, she's not me lol but I think from what you said, she's not ready for sex...now here's why...
She says that getting 'caught in the act' would be really emberassing for her and that she wouldnt wanna do that. But she still does stuff with you when you could get caught and stuff and acts like she wants to because she's prolly emberassed and doesnt know what you'll think if she says that she's not ready. And she knows that it wont end up going all the way to full blown sex because of that full potential of getting caught....thats why she does stuff with you then. When you two are all alone and could have sex with all the privacy in the world, in my opinion, she doesnt get all touchy and stuff with you because she knows that that 'protection' of someone walking in and stopping you two wont be there. So like maybe she doesnt wanna get caught up in that and maybe she doesnt wanna feel like there's no way out once you two have started doing stuff when you're alone. Like I've been with my BF for 3 years almost and I'm 18 and when we first started out doing stuff I was really nervous and unsure of how good I would be...like I wasn't sure if I would be good at it and I didn't know the in's and out's of sex. So if you think that I could be right, just try talking to her in a calm setting and telling her how much u care and that it's ok if she's not ready and that she doesnt have to hide that. and Just maybe help her by talking to her about sex and what you like and just takin it slow? hope i helped a little.....xoxo!

[heretosatisfy]

Well see the thing is, we've already done lots of stuff. Kissing, touching, fondling, handwork, oral, etc. The reason we haven't had sex is neither of us wants to until we're married and we've talked about that numerous times so it's a definate set boundry. So it's not like we're inexperienced and she's nervous about that, we've gotten past that.

[Rawbob]

I think this is a "CONTROL" issue for her.

See, if you've already done the stuff u have (kissing, huggin, j/o oral, etc) then there's NOT Much left for you 2 do.

Her "dirty talk" is her way of letting you know she still sexally turned on by you, but she's "safe" when she tells u that in the room because she knows you can't really do antyhing there.

Thats also probably why she's not wanting to be alone much with you. She herself is probably getting very mixed signals inside her head about having sex. One voice tells her to keep her promise with you to not have intercourse before marriage, but she's also being told by all her friands about their sex lives, how it feels, etc - and she's afraid that she may actually say YES to sex when she's alone with you.

The proof of this is that when you DO play around, SHE is the one getting stimulated. It's my belife that if you BOTH got "randy" at the same time...that she might be tempted to go ALL THE WAY!

Now, i'm not sure she's going to admit that she's having 2nd toughts about having sex, because she might feel she's not been honest...but from all yoru postings...i think its in HER mind that she's being tempted..and wants to control the situation to make sure that SHE is not put into a situation where SHE may give in to temptation......this make sense?

[heretosatisfy]

Yea it makes sense but how do I get her to feel cofortable with her feelings and mine. Neither of us wants sex (in fact being I'm only 20 it kinda scares the crap outta me, all the risks) but I enjoy the other stuff too. I feel like she just doesn't want to do anything for ME all of a sudden, it didn't happen til about 3 weeks ago so I have no clue what's going on. Basically the only way I can get her to fool around is by getting her aroused but she doesn't want me to stop so she gets off and I don't, it's really not the fairest situation. It's always been her getting more than me (which like I said before I didn't mind) but when opportunities present themselves it would be nice to get a little something.

[WallyLlama]

I pretty much agree with RawBob, but I'd add that there may be an understandable underlying trust issue.

She doesn't trust herself to continue to say "no," but she also doesn't trust heretosatisfy to stop when the time comes.

As has been said, "Time to talk." You both need to recommit to the decision not to "go all the way." And you need to add that since that decision doesn't include her not orgasming, you should be able to as well.

The question you both need to struggle is how to make that happen without abandoning the decision and pledge to each other.

Wally