Her ex is getting between us

[caredog1]

Ok here is the situation...I've been dating this girl and everything is going great. *We both dig each other and have a great time together. *
However there is one problem...her ex-boyfriend. *Oh and she has a daughter with him as well. *Since he's found out about us he's been using her daughter as a pawn. *By this I mean he won't let her see her daughter unless she goes out to dinner with him or allows him to go over her house etc. *She told me repeatedly that she doesn't want anything to do with him and comes to tears when we talk about it because she cares for her daughter so much, as well she should. *They dated for about two years and she has admitted to me that he intimidates her. *While they dated he cheated on her once that she knows of but I’m guessing probably more then that. *Right now he also has a girlfriend.
My concern is that he is trying to pull some crap to get her back and the only reason he's doing it is so no one else can have her. *I’ve never met him but I suspect it’s coming down to it and I’m sure he’s a real ass.
My question if anyone can help is should I just chalk her up as a loss and let her go if this stuff continues or is there something I can do? *Like I said I dig her a lot but I’m also not willing to put up with this kind of crap forever, I really hate drama. *If this loser would just move on I think we would be ok but he’s trying to keep her on a rope for his own reasons. *
Any help would be greatly appreciated. *Thanks

[LittleFury]

Can't she get hte custody of her daughter though? I do not think it would be really much of a problem since they weren't married, so maybe she should talk to the lawyer. Good luck

[Tjdude]

I think that's up to you. No one likes drama, like you said, but if you realy feel like you love her, and want to stay with her no matter what, you could help her a lot. For starters, if she knows that you are 100% with her, and you make her feel safe and secure, she will probably feel strong enough to confront him. You know, something like that.
Although, for what you say, seems that he is the one in custody of the child. I realy find that odd, since most of the time, the judge rule that the mother should stay with the child, so maybe she should fight for custody. I'm sure she'll get it.

[oberon]

Yes, she should definitely try to gain custody if she can, and if she fears this man a restraining order.

I have some experience with divorce/child custody and some of the best advice I have ever heard: A woman in this situtation should find a female lawyer, preferably one who has been divorced herself. It may sound silly, but believe me it makes a difference.

[PennywiseEvilClown666]

Ok, this is what i would do in your shoes. I agree about the drama part, because i too am not one for drama. However, if you really do care for her you can't just go away. I mean you say you're really into her and all, and just think of it this way...nothing in life that really means anything comes easily to you. If you back down, then you didn't really want it that bad. Also, i gotta give you props for wanting a girl that has a child with another guy. That's more than i'd ever do.
So, sit down with this girl and say ok i want to help you get through this situation and get this prick out of your life. Suggest to her that she tries to get custody of her daughter, and let her know that you are going to be there through each and every step backing her up. Show her you care, and that you're a step above the rest. I also read where you said she is intimidated by him. My question is what kind of man would use his own child as a pawn to get what he wants? This dude's a pussy because if he wasn't then he'd accept the fact that she is going to be happy without him and move on with no questions asked. So really she has no reason to be intimidated by him.
Just try what i've said. Go to her, and help her get things under control and try to get her daughter. It may not be easy, but it's worth it. Trust me i know, i was the child in this situation at one point in my life!! The kid will be much better off with someone else (such as yourself) as a father figure anyway.