My relationship.....

[nodoubt16pb]

This may be a long post but hey i need help... so all those who want to hear a good story... go ahead.
I love my boyfriend very much... we have been going out for a year and all was great b4 in our make-out life... cuz we haven't had sex yet... i love him more than i lust him i think and i want to feel lust... i have only had about 3 sexual fantasies of him...the whole time.. i usually have fantasies about very sexy men i see on the tv or someone i am attracted to... sure this guy is cute... but i always feel guilty that when i make out with him there is a no spark anymore and it makes me sad... i wanna feel like i do for the guys i fantasize about.. you know the ones who look great all around... even though i woudn't be caught dead with one cuz i wouldn't have known my boyfriend like i know him and i woulda though of my boyfriend as a god and wouldn't of been myself around him... i donno but anyway.... yeah so there is no spark... i ask him to kiss me a certain way cuz he always does the thing where he kisses ya hard and long with tons of toung and i donna i don't like it and then he does it the way i tell him and i don't feel anything... i just don't feel anymore and i makes me sad.... This not feeling anything thing happened about the time i moved. I moved around June and i god really mad and really upset and i have had family problems but they are fine now... and then his mom butted in ... and i think A LOT of this has to do with his mom... she always leaves the basement door open ... she yells to not lay on the bed and play VIDEO GAMES... she doesn't allow him to lay on my lap when we are in the car... I don't feel confortable being myself and huggy and lovey dovey around him cuz she will say you guys are being too touchy feely and o god THE WOMAN DRIVES ME UP THE WALL... and everytime i or him wants to go over each others houses my boyfriend has to argue and she has to make things difficult for 2 days and THEN he could come over... but my mom thinks she makes it difficult cuz she is trying to break us up cuz she thinks we are too serious... and i mean even if we are then why not let us be ourselves and let us learn from life .. but no she has to butt in and also she is always listening on our calls... getting her other kids to make fun of my boyfriend for everything... his father tells him he should go out with the cute girl at work...jokingly:angry: my arse... telling him he can't have a car... telling him i can't drive with him and go places like a normal teenager should do... ANYWAY but for a year and almost a half i have put up with this woman. Anway all in all it is difficult i have tried numerous times to say hey it is difficult for us... and the whole... i don't fele that i am accepted sometimes and i do this pleasantly cuz i am teenager and if i dare say how i really feel there is no more boyfriend for me... but i do i say it nicely and everything. She just has tons of narosies that she is trying to put on my and my boyfriends relationship and i don't know how to not get sucked in this and see this whole thing has been about her already.... BACK TO THE RELATIONSHIP so yeah with all of those things happening i feel that he doesn't respect me, treat me right and we always get in fight... which i hate being difficult.... i donno i seem to resent him and i seem to just hate him... plainly put... and i don't want this to happen and i want fire in our relationship where i am twirling around liek a god you know... well anyway i get defensive i get snobby, i argue i complain and he puts up with all this... i hate myself... and i think i wanna change i donno cuz i don't thinki could be happy after this... i donno how to get the ME AND MY BOYFRIEND THING AND NOT JUST EVERYONE ELSE AND OUR RELATIONSHIP THING... i am just not happy someone please say anything... i hate my lfie... my making out life and just me ******I want things to change but i donno how to.... i donno how to be happy again... i always think he doesn't respect me.. thinki am funny... and i think he does cuz he says it... sometimes i think that he doesn't look in my eyes enogh... he hates it cuz he thinks he is not doing his job right but i donno what i want or maybe i wanting too much... but shouldn't i be happy... i feel guilty for saying things... saying how i feel. GOD i am just turning into his mother... i think... and i NEED to stop for the sake of me and my relationship... i feel like i have lost me in this mess... and gained a CRAZY mom personality... i donno please help........i sure as hell need it just too much craziness in my life right now and i truely wanna feel better about myself and my life.

[sexykitty]

You are in a tough situation. *He sounds like a mamma's boy, sorry *When I was a teeager, my mother was just like your boyfriend's mother. *She made rules about how we could act, what we could do, where we could go, etc. *That's a typical mother. *Now as an adult, I get it. *As a mother there is so much to worry about, pregnancy, STDs, trouble with the law... *I hated what my mother did, but now I respect her for it, she was just trying to protect me. *It was very hard for the guys I dated, and I do wish that she had been more accepting, but that's what mothers do.
I feel really bad for you because you seem to be the brunt of all the crap. *You have to realize that there is an appropriate time and place for everything and laying on eachothers laps in front of parents is not the time or place. *All that tells a parent is that sex is coming, and that's scary. *
You expressed yourself very well, and I think you need to tell your boyfriend the same things you told us. *He probably feels like he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. *Try to understand how his mom is feeling and try to spend more time away from them. *
Now your feelings... if you aren't getting what you need emotionally, maybe you should look elsewhere. *If you think that it's because of the situation with mom, try to hang in there and keep talking to your b/f. *You need to do some real thinking and figure out what you want from him and make it clear to him that you need it in order to be happy in your relationship. *Good luck.

[nodoubt16pb]

Thanks... he isn't a momma's boy by no mean they always fight and he thinks she is stupid and what not .... welll you are right though but also we just cuddle and kiss lightly and stuff which you know we are teenagers and we are smart and i am not gonna have sex till i am outa high school... her thing is that she doesn't even take the time to know her own son and see that he thinks the wrong way ... you are right on everything though
Thanks

[Tjdude]

Some times bf/gf relatives can make your life a living hell. I think you have to stop for a moment to analyze your options:
He is not going to change, his mother is not going to change, and probably there is not too much you can do to change any other stuff. At least not right now, unless you do something drastic. But in any case i feel that the more you try to get him out of the influence of his protective mother, the more she will feel threatened by you and things will get worst. So, instead of trying to pull him out of mama's arms, let him be, let them think that they won, but that you are not going to take more crap from them, and with dignity you are going to just walk away. After some time apart, i'm sure that either both of you will run to meet each other because you miss him so much, or you will realize that you don't love each other as much as you thought. At least that time will let you see how bad the alternative is.

Good luck

[A Soldare]

It comes down to wether or not he's worth al the shit to you. A friend of mine is in a relationship with a manshe loves VERY much, but there is a lot if shit that happend (he's just an idiot). the question is what is it worth. if you cant just not be around these people, tyhen you have to either find a way to work aoround them or get them to back off, or you may have to move on...

[NewbieDude]

if my mother would make up rules for me and order me around id kill her.. i swear nothing pisses me off more than my mom being all like "well u cant stay alone with your girlfriend , because "something might happen" .....i told her to f*ck off many many times, i called her a b*tch, i told her shes ruining my life...i think she got it now and she laid off

[?wiseman?]

nodoubt16pb, there is a lot going on in your post. I think the members here can help with some of it, but you need to seek some counseling for your self-esteem. It may be caused by your bf situation, but if you "wanna feel better about (yourself) and (your) life" we're not going to be able to get to the root of that.

As an "older" person who's been there himself, and will likely go thru it with my kids, let me give you some other perspectives that may be contrary to some of the other replies. (especially NewbieDude's!)

1. Regardless of how independent teenagers feel they are and want to be more so, our feelings, biases, and impressions of the world are derived from our parents. It's very likely that your bf respects his mother's opinion on some level and if she doesn't like you then he wonders if she's right. This CAN be overcome with time. I was married for about 10 years before my mother in law and I could have a civil discussion. Now, we're quite close.

2. You teenagers won't want to hear this, but here goes. If you're living at home and your parents are supporting you financially and emotionally, you have to play by their rules. Please understand that your parents have been thru the same things that you're going thru. We had pressures to succeed. We had peer pressure, etc. We really do understand that this is a very difficult time in your lives. However, right or wrong, we try to do what we think is best for our kids. It should be negotiable, but as the person ultimately responsible for you, the parent's decision should be honored if not respected. "she always leaves the basement door open ... she yells to not lay on the bed and play VIDEO GAMES... she doesn't allow him to lay on my lap when we are in the car..." In my view, these are appropriate parental actions. Sorry.

3. With respect to your relationship with your bf. You need to really ponder about the mixed feelings that you have for him. There is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Not knowing your ages, I'm gonna guess that you've been friends for a long time, been dating for a year, and are mostly worried about hurting each other's feelings, and the great unknowns if you break-up. You're both young and it's very unlikely that you'll spend your lifetimes together, so go with your heart. Sounds like you feel that you can make yourself a better person if you two were not together.

Finally NewbieDude, and to be completely blunt. . . you could have spoken those words to me only one time as a parent and they would never have been uttered from you again. Your contempt for your mother is nothing short of an immature child throwing a temper tantrum. You appear to believe that it is a parent's sole purpose in life to embarrass you and make your life miserable and ruin it. The most unfortunate thing is that you "think she got it now and she laid off." She hasn't laid off. She's given up on you. The next time you're in a scrape, need a few bucks for the latest video game or truly need some sage advice, who are you gonna turn to? You've apparently made it clear to your mom that her opinion is not wanted nor is it appreciated. You should pray that she's gonna be there for you when you really need her.

[sexykitty]

I think ?wiseman? said it perfectly.

[nodoubt16pb]

Yeah you are right... i do respect her and i don't do the things she doesn't want me to do... it is just a lot to take in cuz my mom is way different she wouldn't care if we kissed or grabbed each others butts or anything and his mom is really supressed in her life and it will take time to get use to and respect that... and i do but just i take things to the affensive.. well thanks and yeah i totally blew off what the other dude said that was immature