Not Good Enough For Someone

[Nicholas]

Have you ever think you're not good enough for a person? Especially if you're a guy? Not just becuase she dumped you or she rejected you on a date, but because you got to know everything about her and compared yourselves.

I've dated this girl for 10 months now. I got to know everything about her. She plays 5 different sport, and receives placed in state (1st 2nd or 3rd) in 2 of them which is track and Xcountry. Softball is her other sport which she plays during the summer in national leagues. She is 5th in class and has a very high school on ACTs. This girl is probably the most popular girl in our school because of her accomplishments.

All I did was made it to sectionals in one sport and it's the only sport I've played. I'm ranked like 40ish in the class and have an average score in the ACTs. I'm probably the most popular guy in our school because of what I have. ie: My car (2003 benz clk).

People know her because of what she did and people know me because of what my parents did. Is this how I should compare myself to another person? If it is, then I feel like a f***ing loser cause I believe a guy should be at a higher level job/making money wise than their partners.

This is truely why I feel like I'm not good enough for her.

[girlygirl]

If she's been dating you for ten months, it sounds like she thinks you're good enough for her.

[?wiseman?]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Nicholas @ June 21 2003,15:13)]People know her because of what she did and people know me because of what my parents did. Is this how I should compare myself to another person? If it is, then I feel like a f***ing loser cause I believe a guy should be at a higher level job/making money wise than their partners.

WHY?!! Nicholas, this is the 21st century, not the 19th. There is nothing written that says you have to be the breadwinner. You need to take the path that best fits you and let your g/f do the same. If she's comfortable with it, then what's the problem? You'll begin to cause alot of friction in your relationship if she believes that she has to hold herself back to hang onto you. Be proud of her and support her. You guys are young and in ten years time, the only people who will care about your high school accomplishments are those who will attend the high school reunion. That will be a 10 minute conversation, then you'll then find out that what you've accomplished after high school is what will really matter.

There is nothing wrong with people "knowing" you because of your parents. And people assume that the apple does not fall far from the tree, so it's to your advantage to use the respect that people have for your parents to your best advantage and soon you'll begin to hear people saying "what a great kid that Nicholas is. He's just like his father." To me, that's an honor and is the reason that my father was best man at my wedding.

[Rawbob]

Well, the other members have made good points, but to be honest, it sounds like you have some overall self esteem issues! It sounds like you're struggling with the fact that you're afraid that SHE and OTHERS will compare you to each other, and day, "Well, that won't last because she's an athlete with goals and skills, and he's just driving around in an expensive car his parents GAVE him."

And you know what? If all you portray and act on is your wealth, then YES, you'll probably always feel "lesser" than those who have truely EARNED the things they have received.

If you REALLY want to do something about your feelings, start looking into what key skills and talents you have and also what brings you JOY and go for it.

But always remember! There will ALWAYS be someone bigger, stronger, faster, richer, more popular, more talented, etc than you - it's just a fact of life. So, don't totally beat yourself up about it, but also, don't just sit around and wine about your lack of self-esteem if all you're doing about it is driving around a $30,000 car your folks gave you!

[Shorty43]

I think Rawbob is totally on the ball. If you ae doing what makes you happy, who cares what other people think! You don't need to be a varsity athlete in 3 sports and have a 4.0 to feel good about yourself. In high school I played 1 sport, had a good GPA, and spent most of my time dancing with a company. That is what made me happy. I went to a very athletic and music oriented high school and I hardly participated in either but I never let that get me down. I was proud when my friends were announced MVP, not yearning to be the MVP myself.

If your girlfriend was unhappy with the status of youe relationship, she'd tell you.

[lonely19yrold]

Thinking you're not good enough for one person is all about self-esteem and self-confidence. For the longest time I didn't think I was good enough for any girl I ever encountered, and well, I really wasn't. I overcame those issues, came back to them, and am overcoming them again.

If you've been in a relationship for 10 months, you're good enough to be with the girl.

[cool macs]

people who spend their time worrying about nothing while they should be enjoying what they have are often the ones that sing the old cry: "you don't appreciate what you have till its gone." Live in the moment, and realize that if she is as great as you think, you should be enjoying every moment you can spend with her. It may last, it may not, but don't waste your time thinking about ridiculous crap like who makes more money...

[?wiseman?]

Nicholas, we're gonna have to start a new forum to focus on your issues about this relationship. Just kidding guy. I'm going to make it real simple with a couple questions for you to think about:

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? If your 10-year plan includes marriage and/or a family would you rather be married to a lovely, ambitious, successful, I-know-what-I-want-in-life woman; or do you see yourself married to a "baby factory" who watches soaps in her housecoat all day, but has your mac 'n cheese on the table when you come home from work?

I can tell from your posts that you're a pretty sharp guy, not at all unlike most guys in your peer group- wondering who you are and where you're going in life.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON. Not a shadow of your g/f nor that of your parents. Sounds to me like you are very much good for her and if you can get over the lack of self esteem and be supportive of your g/f and recognize the value that you probably help bring to her successes.