Meeting the parents

[Smoove]

Me and my girl have been going out for about 5 months. her parents are really strict on her. She's not allowed to hang out with friends or go to parties usually, and the only way we see each other is at school or sneaking over each other's homes. I've met her parents though, and they're nice people. I was "her friend" when meeting them of course, but they seem to think highly of me, even though they don't speak much english. So I ask her what would happen if she told them, she basically said that they'd restrict her and give her a curfew, but they'd probably let her date me.

Now, I know it's not easy having parents do stuff like this, but a curfew and some restrictions really don't make a difference because they don't let her go out in the first place. She's not even allowed to go over friend's houses because her parents don't understand the concept of a social life. And I know we cna only sneak around for so long before they find out. If they find out on their own, I WILL NOT be able to date her, and our relationship will be screwed, but if she tells them she's just now starting to date me, there'll be no suspicion, no risky sneaking around, just more rules. I really love my girlfriend, and I don't want to get into a big fight over this, but everytime I bring up the subject she just says "oh, someday" and that day seems to get further and further. it's her choice in the end, but I really don't want to have the relationship needlessly end when it could be avoided.

Any suggestions?

[Shorty43]

I totally understand where your girlfriend is coming from. I'm in somewhat of the same boat. I met my boyfriend's parents and it was known to them that I was dating their son less than a month after we were going out. However, in a few weeks it will have been 6 months since we started going out and my parents have no clue I have a boyfriend. They've met my boyfriend, but they think he's just a friend. They like him, but I'm in no hurry to tell them we are going out. I think I'll shock my parents one of these days tellng them I'm getting married because to their knowledge I've never gone out on a date.

Unlike your girlfriend though, my parents have never restricted my social life. I've never not been allowed to go out, see a movie, or had a curfew. My fear in telling my parents about my relationship is more of a moral thing. My boyfriend is exactly the opposite of what my parents want for me. I never imagined myself with someone like my boyfriend either, but I met him and we became friends right away and soon after that we both realized that we cared about each other and loved each other and at some point started to date, it was never really official.

I think you need to let your girlfriend tell her parents at her own pace. She is the one who has been living with them her whole life, she knows best. You two have found ways to sneak around already, if they find out and are not happy it does not mean that your relationship must end. You could try role playing, you being her and heer being one of her parents to make her more comfortable. When the time is right she'll tell them. Maybe one day you could call her parents and ask if they would allow you to take her to the movies or something, very passive way of doing it, they don't have to know the two of you are already together.

[?wiseman?]

smoove- age is a determining factor in how I would suggest that you handle this. How old are you and your g/f?

[Smoove]

Ah, I meant to put that in. We're both 17, and we'll be 18 next winter.

[Hello]

just got into this topic, but already im thinking oh dear. Now, from the topics discussed and the way things are said on this sight, it appears that most people are american, so i am at adisadvantage with not knowing hte american way of life as i am English, but ot me, the fact that her parents are styill restricting her is very wrong, with that kinda restriction on someone overe here, its more likely to drive them from the house and live on the street than put up with that crap, she is an adult, or very close to being one, she most likely would be very able to fend for herself given the right situation and circumstances, over here, she could already be in a full time job, and so already be a home owner, and this is something many parents dont understand.My girlfriend has the same problem to a slightly lesser extent, her parnets are VERY old fassioned, and see sex as something only to be done duringh marriage, they once caught us getting up to stuyff in her room, and put a restriction on us being in her room, firstly i wasnt even allowed up the stairs when i went to her house, then later it was sorted out, and we dont go on the bed, and dont shut the door. I can partially understand this, they have every right to ask us not to have sexual relations while under their roof, however, i strongly object to the attempted control of her life, and feel that it goes against everything that is right. There is a war on at the moment, fighting to realease a country from oppression under a dictator, but how can we fight such a war in other countries, when the same dictatorships exist in our homes. It is wrong and unjust, but whp said life ever was gonna be fair?

well after that rant (which i must apologise for) the moral is, we got the agreement to be allowed in her room because she talked to her parents and put her point accross, as should your girlfriend, at the end of the day it must be her decision, u said that yourself, but its not only you who must realise that, its her parents as well, they restrict her very living,and she has a strong argumnet to put to them, as it is her life which is potentially being ruined by her parents, if our government fights wars about freedom, then why should we not fight wars about our personal freedom? if they want to protect their daughter, then they are going the wrong way about it, the next step would be for them to lock her into a nuclear bunker and throw away the key, she is ready to experience the world, but already it is likely to bite her because it has been hiden from her, so she knows not how to adapt to it, if she realised this, then she would regain control over her own life, its the only way to be free.

good luck!

[Stephanie083099]

I live with my mom, and I am the youngest of three girls and both my sisters have kids, I had boyfriends and never told her. My mom used to be very strict with me because she didnt want me to get pregnant. so I know where your g/f is coming from. Once I had a really serious b/f I told me mom and she was weird about it at first but she got over it. She gave me a curfew, talked to my b/f and all that parent stuff. You have to realize that thats what parents do, you might seem like its unfare but its for your own good.

What I'm trying to say is that she should tell them before its too late, if her parents find this out before she tells them it could be a big mess. You dont want to take that chance, if you really like this girl and she wont tell them maybe you should tell them yourself. Its going to be arkward at first but it is for the best.

If they give her a curfew, then abide by them and once they see that you respect them and go by there rules then they will be a lot more leniant with the rules. So you have to prove to them that you are trustworthy and you really care about there daughter.

Good luck, and I hope I helped.

[Hello]

in a way i agree with stephanie, its better they know then dont know, and that once they learn to trust you it can get better. But on the subject of parents, while they feel they are protecting you, more commonly they are OVER-protecting you. The big wide world isnt a nice place, and the sooner children learn that the better. by protecting, its is too common for the child to be ignorant of how the world really works and this is why websites such as these are a great idea, everyone on here seems to learn a lot about all sorts of things, not just sex. children with a "protected" upbringing, will fare worse potentially when they leave home, as they wont know how to cope. yes, respect her parents wishes, but don't feel that they are law. if you have a problem with them then express it, if they dont compromise then it can sometimes be worth forcing them to realise how old their child really is.

[xx22xx]

The more the parents hold their kids back the more they're going to rebel.