Girls just want to be friends

[northenstar]

when ever i meet a new person and i really really like them, i try to like impress her. and almost all the time we just end up being really good friends. any tips on what im doing wrong-
i would be really funny around her and complament her, do stuff for her, talk to her about alot of stuff and most of the times when i ask them out they give me this speech about how they dont want to ruine the relasionship we have right now and dont want things to get weird between us and this happens alot of times.

[lonely19yrold]

Nothing's wrong with you. I think you're just not approaching it the right way, or saying the right things. Most women I've learned just want to have friends, and if something develops after that, then so be it. Just be yourself, don't try and impress people, and have fun.

[northenstar]

well i act normal when im near them, the only thing i do different to them then any other people is i pay mroe attention to them, i help them with stuff and complament them.

[lonely19yrold]

The definition of normal varies between people.

Just act naturally. You don't have to give extra compliments or be too special. That's my philosophy. I'd rather just act like myself around women and let things happen. You don't really need to worry about it. Just do what comes naturally to you. I'm just offering a slice of my ideals.

[Stephanie083099]

To me it seems like you are trying to impress her too much, if you do that then you're not being yourself around them, key thing if you want it to workout is to always be yourself.
Second, if you meet a girl let her know that you are interested in her as a relationship and not a friendship, then go on from there.

[edvan]

i believe i have a great answer for this.

this happened to me a lot as well in my younger yrs. and i have some cool info.

i did all the things you said you were doing. EVERYTHING. and it happened the same as well. "you think we could go out" ,"with you? no lets just be friends, i would hate to ruin the friendship"

i did this with many women and thought "what the hell?"

most of it is the psych of how you do it. they can tell if you're trying to hard. so DON'T!

if they say this then forget them it will never happen. if you stay around them and hope all they will end up doing is taking advantage of you and ripping your heart more and more.

the girl im with now. we had been friends for 6 yrs. one day i just thought hey ill go visit her. (all we ever did was talk on the phone no face 2 face comm.) i went over there and after the 3rd time we ended up in bed together(not doin anything...yet)

we hadnt set up a limit by this time and i was rubbin her back like a mofo ( i have a tech. called the godhand that will not be discussed) while lying there the 5th night she looked up and said, "what are we now?" a thought that had crossed my mind as well.

for fear of her saying i just wanna be friends i said, "well not quite friends with benefits, but i see it as more than friends now"

she agreed, BUT said, "i dont wanna ruin our friendship"

when i heard those words i almost cried, it was horrible. but i knew that if i didnt say something this time the love of my life would slip to a "friend"

i interrupted her right be4 she said it all and told her all my feelings about the entire thing, i reassured her that the friendship would ALWAYS be there, and then i told her something i never told anyone else in this entire world, not even my own mother.

ever since then, 2 months and 6 days ago to be prcise, has been heaven, not even 1 arguement.


great little story of hope for you friend. but always remember if she says "just friends" then go and stay away, hell i broke up a 4 yr. friendship with an old girl i had feelings for to go after my love now and she cant keep away from me, shes so jealous to know that she lost me!!!

also dont try the "i love you thing" we knew each other for 6 yrs. and the feelings have been there for a while. if you say it w/out dating or anything she couldjust think you want a piece.

and dont confuse love with a crush or infatuation. they feel very similar you'll know it when you feel it. and she will too.

but if it only comes from one end then the connection cant be made and you could end up hurt.

also you may just be "love hungry" or anxious about doin it in a hurry. i was that way as well. the best cure for that is soul searching, always remember you have many years to deal with love. esp. if your young.

life is a lot tougher than most ppl give credit for. DO NOT RUSH. take your time to deal with things as they come and be responsible and everything just seems to fall into place.

so good luck to ya bud and keep the faith up! you got it coming and it is most definetly woth the wait! i swear it!

[mspersia82]

IT could be a couple of things. It could be that the women you choose are just not attracted to you in a sexual way. I've noticed that many many guys have a pattern of doing this, only pursuing women that are out of their league or that show no interest in dating them. Maybe it's about wanting what they can't have? I'm not sure. Another thing, if you act like a friend, she will think of you as one. If you get all buddy-buddy with her then she may start to see you as a brother type and nothing else. In the future, let the girl know right off the bat that you want to date her. Act like a potential boyfriend instead of "just a friend" and she may be more inclined to see you as a potential boyfriend.

It seems like many guys become friends with a girl hoping that it will turn into more. This is not a good idea. While some girls do prefer to be friends first, a vast majority do not. I say this based on what almost every girl I've ever talked to about the subject has told me. Many girls want to either be just friends with you for good or be pursued by you right away.

[girlygirl]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (mspersia82 @ June 03 2003,12:17)]While some girls do prefer to be friends first, a vast majority do not. *

I guess I'm not part of the vast majority. I generally get very uncomfortable when someone I don't already know is hitting on me. *Hmm, this may be a good poll opportunity.

[mspersia82]

If a guy is interested in me I prefer for him to let me know right away rather than "pretending" that he only wants to be friends. At least then I can save myself the time and energy of investing in a friendship with a guy that will be wanting more than just friendship. I can't even count how many long term friendships have been ruined by guy friends confessing to wanting to date me. After that it just gets too akward and often times the guy ends the friendship. Then I've wasted my time and lost a friend! To me the real discomfort comes from knowing a guy that you consider a "brother" likes you in a sexual way.

[cool macs]

The missing key in your dilemna is the thrill of the hunt. By not making the girls put in effort, they are missing the thrill of the seduction, and throw you over in the nice guy or friend category... This could be a good position for picking up booty calls, but you will need to increase your stock value through some indescrete tactics. You want to come across as in demand, but available, so conversations about some girls you've met a couple time should increase their intrest.

Back on topic.. Next time you meet a girl, I suggest trying to keep the conversation focused around her through good questions... Throw in the occasional funny tangent, and go back to talking about her. Ask her for her number, since having it will make her wonder if you are going to call. Play the stupid little phone game for a couple days to build up anticipation, and invite her out for either something fun or casual. Don't make any moves until the end of the night, where you give her a sensual kiss on the cheek.... It doesn't have to be exactly like that, but I hope you get the idea.

In a perfect world there would be no games, but we live in a capitalist system with a competetive market. If a girl thinks she can have you right away, it takes away from that special feeling of attaining you... Make yourself a little harder to get, and girls will start fighting for you.