Feeling guilty

[LuvinVanessa4]

hey everybody, im having one hell of problem right now. well let me start off me and my girlfriend are 4 yrs apart im 20 and he's 16 well when we got together i told her everything cuz well i guess then their wasn't much i could tell her. well around that time i was downloading porn, and thinking about other girls when i masturbated. well like back in january she asked me about the porn thing like i i downloaded it and i didn't want to lie to her so i told her and i was truthful and i told her that i wouldn't do it anymore and i promised her, plus i promised her that i would never lie to her. well like a 2 months ago i downloaded porn again and i felt really bad the night that i downloaded it. well like a month ago my girlfriend asked me again and i wanted to be truthful with her so i told her that i did and she got upset again. well like 3 weeks ago she asked me if i ever fantasized about any other people well i did and i told her cuz i wanted to be truthful with her cuz we have like a open agreement relationship i wanna be able to tell her anything and i mean everything for some reason i guess i feel guilty of the fact of who i have thought of while i masturbated and one of the people was her mom and i wanted tell her that but all i know it will do is hurt her feelings, but for some reason it bothers me inside that i haven't told her but i know if i do she'll get upset, well it made her feel when i told her that i fantasized about other people and watched porn that she didn't please me enough or something, but thats not true i know its natural for men to fantasize and i asked her if she had any fantasy's and she told me that she did not and i know she wouldn't lie to me about it. but what should i do to get me fantasizing about other people off my mind and not tell her and to stop feeling guilty of the fact that i told her of some of the of the people that i fantasize about, and i didn't tell her the rest but i wanna but i just know it will hurt her feelings and for some reason i can't get that it will hurt her feelings through my head and that i just wanna tell her. please help. Thanks!

John

[LuvinVanessa4]

k well i forgot to add some other stuff into this topic, well her and her mom look very much alike so i thought that might of been a reason why i thought of her mom while i did that, well the main reason thing is, is that i don't wanna tell my girlfriend that i thought about her mom but it bothers me and continues to bother me and i guess im one of those people that like to get everything out but i don't wanna tell her if its gonna hurt her feelings, plus i don't wanna lose her cuz im madly in love with this girl and she means everything to me i wanna marry her and spend the rest of my life with her:-) well i wrote her a e-mail not to long ago and i was like "vanessa do you forgive me for anybody that i thought of while i masturbated, for me lying to you, and me having feelings for one of your friends"? and she told me that she forgived me for all of it, but i guess the reason why i can't get over it is the fact that i know she wouldn't forgive me for thinking about her mom when i do masturbate, cuz i know what would happen is that everytime that she see's her mom it would bother her or upset her. well its a problem for me to forget something like this cuz everytime i think about my girlfriend, see her, or see her mom, it brings up this issue of me not telling her in my head and it drives me nuts. i know this is something not to make a big deal about but any suggestions to how i can forget about this problem i could really use. please and thanks.

John

[Stephanie083099]

Well first of all, you are a good b/f and dont let anyone tell you that, to take all that time and ask that question to the board, and tell her the truth about everything, you dont want to lie to her, thats great, so CONGRATULATIONS, for being a good b/f. She is lucky to have someone like you.
Second, it is natural to have fantasies, no matter who it is, you are a guy and you like to have fantasies, its ok. as long as you dont act on them, then you are good.
She shouldnt get so mad about it, its fine, almost everyone thinks of other people other then their partner when masturbating, whether you look at porn or not, its not a big deal.
Even though this is killing you, dont tell her that you fantasized of her mother, that is something you dont do, Just like you said it is going to bother her everytime she sees her mother and you dont want her to feel that way do you.
So suck it up, dont tell her and stop fantasizing about her mother.
You really need to talk to her and tell her that its hard for you to masturbate without fantasizing, and if you dont masutbate then when you have sex(if you are having sex) you are going to cum a lot quicker without masturbating.
It seems to me that you two have a good communication connection going on, so that is a plus in a relationship, but you have to talk to her and let her know that you are not going to act on these fantasies. I hope I helped and everything goes ok. Good luck.

[LuvinVanessa4]

Wow, thanks alot it really means alot for someone answering cuz it's been bothering me and your right I shouldn't have to tell her but your exactly right I am a good boyfriend I care about her so much I would do anything for her, she comes first before anything in my life:-) Thanks again!:-)

John