Why do people get jealous

[Jay]

Im in this situation right now as we speak my gf has a guy freind that she goes out with...and im not jelous..
i get mad when she breaks off plans with me to do stuff with him...she says that she relates with guy friends better that girl friends....what should i do??? i love her too much to lose her ..and thats what happened to my las relationship i lost a girl to another guy that she hung out with!!

[cool macs]

its a tough one, but you can't do much....

keep your eyes open for paterns that you remember from the last time, so at least you can expect something coming if there is....

Make sure to keep the playing feild equal though.... Go out with some of your female friends without her....

[Cinema]

For me, jealousy is about attention. I crave my girl's attention. I know I won't lose her, so it's not about that. I guess perhaps control would be a part of it.

When I see her talking to other people (especially guys) I feel a little wounded and I get a primitive instinct to draw her attention to myself (although I can usually control or at least postpone it).

For me it's definitely about attention.

[Tray976]

I am tending to agree with cinema. I also crave attention from my girlf, n when it doesnt come my way i get a little mad. Its a feeling i can't help or overlook not matter how hard i try.

With Jays story, i think cool macs advice 2 keep eyes open and play the field would be more like trying to get revenge. And would be doing it just to despise his girlf.

I think it is ok to feel a bit of jealousy, especially in Jays case, if ur partner knows how u feel about it, and is reassuring u its all above board, theres no harm there.

[moosepuke]

Jealousy, in my opinion, results from caring about a person and not wanting to loose them and feeling insecure about oneself and inadequate. *However, it becomes really unheathly when you don't trust your significant other and want to control their life. *Just because you get in a relationship with somebody doesn't mean that you both stop talking to all of your friends of the opposite sex. *If jealousy is a major issue for you, maybe you should hold off on being in a relationship for a while. *

[SexGoddess]

Ahhh jealousy. lol you can round and round on this one but i'm gonna give ya my 2cents anyhow on the subject.

Jealousy is normal. it's another emotion that can or can not ruin your relationship.
healthy jealousy i believe is the more mild kind. you know you love and trust your partner but you just don't like the thought of someone else showing interest in them etc.... it makes you crazy in a good way and it intensifies the feelings and makes you appreciate having your trusting partner and strong relationship.

On the other hand, jealousy of the bad kind, is NOT good. this kind of jealousy is anger,rage,control,posessiveness...you get the idea.

Everyone knows the difference between the two and well. the good kind of jealousy is flattering because it lets you know that your partner truly cares for you. it's an ego boost in a good way.

I'm not saying you should go out and make your partner jealous just to get rise out of him/her...LOL don't do that. I'm just saying that, jealousy, as with any emotion can be a good ego boost.

what I think people are doing with the jealousy issue is running it down into the ground along with love and respect. you don't hear much about it but you do hear a lot about how people do not want to deal with it. you have to deal with everything in life and you do have to confront your demons. so if you're feeling jealous about your partner, tell them. keep your communication open.

[sexgod]

ok u guys are all makin a mistake, your acting like trust and jelousy are the same, and i dont think they are. trust is thinking that when shes out with anouther guy shes gonna cheat and so u wanna keep her from him. jelousy is just wishing she was with u cause ya love her, and would rather have her with u then with him. two toatly differnt things.

i dunno thats my thought

[SexGoddess]

I think it's YOU who's confused sexgod. LOL

When people are jealous, I don't care if you've been together for 25 years or 2 seconds, if you're jealous, It's Completly healthy. As long as you don't go overboard and try to control your partners life.

You say that "keeping her from him" I guess you're saying that you'd want to TRY and keep your girlfriend from being around another guy cuz yer jealous of him and worried that he may cheat on you.

The answer to that is Simple.
First off, you don't Try and Keep people away from your loved ones or friends etc..unless it's dangerous. Now that is controlling.

Secondly, if you don't trust your partner well enough to go out with a member of the opposite sex as friendly, then you do not trust your partner.

Trust and jealousy are two different things. Both last a lifetime,both may make or break any relationship.
but you can not "control" your partner or other people.

You have to trust your partner first and foremost. you don't have to trust your friends or her friends, but she has a mind of her own. don't assume that because you don't trust a "friend" that you can't trust her because she is a big girl. she is able to make up her mind and if someone makes a pass at her, you should trust her well enough to know that she would reject him or vice versa.

Good day.

[blush]

jealousy doesn't show you care, no matter how much jealous people like to think that. it's always an indication of wanting to control the other person. not being aware of that makes it a very dangerous force in a relationship, unless the other person wants to give up some control. that works for some couples, but if you think carefully about your own relationships and those of the people you know, you'll realize that when one is jealous, there's either a tinge of submission in the other, or else the relationship doesn't work.

i don't believe you truly love someone unless you trust them. if you feel jealous, you don't trust them enough.

[blush]

jealousy doesn't show you care, no matter how much jealous people like to think that. it's always an indication of wanting to control the other person. not being aware of that makes it a very dangerous force in a relationship, unless the other person wants to give up some control. that works for some couples, but if you think carefully about your own relationships and those of the people you know, you'll realize that when one is jealous, there's either a tinge of submission in the other, or else the relationship doesn't work.

i don't believe you truly love someone unless you trust them. if you feel jealous, you don't trust them enough.