Shyness

[lonely19yrold]

I'm 19 years old, and broke up with my 5-month girlfriend a month ago. I really don't understand her reasons, and we've even talked about them before too.

The thing is the relationship just kinda fell into our laps. I really didn't do a whole lot, just asked her out once and bam, we were together. I didn't really have the courage to ask her out in the first place, I had to be prodded by roommates to get the courage to ask. I've always been a bit shy about even talking with girls I don't know, unless I'm inebriated. I really want to get over this stupid shyness because I want to stop being a lonely, depressed mess.

Any ideas on that?

[Shorty43]

Instead of asking girls out, a good first step is just to find one good female friend. When you are with your friends and their girlfriends, talk to them. Be friendly with them, ask them about school, find out what they like. I the process of making new friends you will also learn more about women and what they like which is a huge plus in any relationship. Also, Start to make friends with the girls in your classes at school. As you become friendlier and more comfortable with women as just friends it will be easier to ask them on dates and maintain relationships.

Maybe one of your friend's girlfriends could even help you. I know that a lot of times my boyfriend's friends (who have become my friends) look to me for help. I've found a few of them dates for parties and just introduced them to new people that they have in turn become friendly with.

Shyness is something you really have to want to get rid of and put an effort into.

[hereandnow]

Good advice from Shorty!

[lonely19yrold]

Thanks for the advice.

I've always had women who're friends. ALWAYS. It was just a fluke of luck that my ex even took any interest in me.

I really don't know how to ask a friend's girlfriend to help me with my "predicament." I don't have a problem meeting new people and making friends. That's always been very easy for me. Flirting on the other hand...I really don't know how to do it or if I'm even capable of it. I just talk, that's it. Or maybe its the fact that because I'm a nice guy I don't know a thing about anything.

[Shorty43]

My boyfriend never flirted with me. We just happened to meet, become friends, and then a little more

If you have no problem making friends then the problem isn't shyness, you just don't like to flirt with girls, and that is ok. You don't have to flirt with a girl to go out with her. Since you aren't shy simply go up and say "hey would you like to do _ on Saturday." It doesn't need to be a date, simply something enjoyable. Maybe you are going to go to eat with a group of friends or something. You don't have to jump into a relationship right away, just be friendly and the rest will fall into place.

[lonely19yrold]

I guess I have a bit of an addition to the original post...


ANybody got any ideas on how to boost self-confidence?

[snowboarderdude]

Always be sweet, and look good i guess thats always got me the girl i want plus i have three teenage sisters 17,14,13 i grew up with them all so they helped me alot!!

[lonely19yrold]

Define "look good" please. I don't quite understand that.

[?wiseman?]

Self-confidence, beyond the obvious definition is very, very difficult lonely19yrold. I think alot of "men" would view it as brawn and bravado. I'll try a few things-

the ability to proudly state your opinion, but respect those that differ from your view

the ability to not only recognize that you are wrong or have made a mistake, but to be able to openly admit it and apologize

walking to a destination with purpose in your step, but always taking the time to help someone on the way

going to a movie that your g/f wants to go to and not being concerned if she sees you with tears in your eyes

backing down, even if you know you are in the right, if pursuing the argument will serve no better purpose.

speaking up for what you believe, even if it's not a popular position

always treating people with respect, whether they warrant it or not. (most who demand respect, don't actually deserve it.)

Sounds preachy, I know. But look at the people that you truly do respect, and I'll bet they have some or all of these qualities. Self-respect has nothing to do with race, creed, gender or economic status.

[Stephanie083099]

Like someone else said, being friends first is a great idea because then you're not shy because you already know the person and you feel comfortable with her, after doing that then hopefully you wont feel shy anymore.