[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;272940]Decoding Internet Profiles

The language used tells the reader the vocabulary, education level as well as gender and age of the writer. Overall tone of the profile tells you about the writer's attitudes toward, sex, dating, gender and gender roles, relationships and marriage as well as giving an idea of the writer's sense of humor.

as an example:

1. "lithe, blithe and devastatingly delicious"
2. "flexible, happy and attractive"

The sentences mean the same thing but are entirely dfferent in almost every other respect.

The actual text should tell you who the writer is and for whom the writer is looking and what sort of relationsip the writer desires. If it doesn't - move on.

If it seems too good to be true - it is NOT true.

Everyone lies on their profile - expect it. Also expect serious issues to either be carefully glossed over or not mentioned at all. Everyone is fat, ill and ugly inside and out until proven otherwise.

[/QUOTE]

hmhm , I dare to disagree with this but I not deny it as a potential rule...

[QUOTE]“If it seems too good to be true - it is NOT true” [/QUOTE]
...interesting enough I’ve got this comment, when I laid down my inner wishes and dreams.
And I meant every word with whole my heart.
The answer was like: “nah your not real, your making it up, goodbye”...
Thus when I was honest and open, I was rejected...

And language quality ... English is not my first language, and well... You get the idea...

Otherwise your quite right...

An excellent post, Doc!

If I may add:

1. Sex occurs at the discretion of the lady and is not a 'given' when dating.
2. What he/she does in his/her own time is his/her business. You do not "own" your date(s) and have no rights beyond those he/she has granted you. Those rights may be rescinded at any time at his/her discretion.
3. Show respect for yourself and your partner by practicing safe sex should sex be in the offing.

Thank you for the insightful reminder about internet dating, DD2. As you may remember from posts of mine, I can speak from experience.

My now-husband and I didn't make it past your first two plus signs on the list (commonality and phone bills), before meeting face to face at 5 months, little more than friends. The farther down your list an internet "relationship" gets, the more concerned I am about its viability for a real future, and in some instances I get truly concerned for people's safety. Your cautions about keeping one's head out of the clouds, and real life interactions are dead on. I would add: watch out for red flags and run for the hills when you see them!

Your point about distance is well taken, although I do find that one a little more flexible at the start, dependent upon the other relationship variables at work. T and I were about twice your recommendation when we first began talking, but a year after our first face to face, I moved to his city as his GF, not his fiancee. This after 4 months job searching in his city, and finding one before the move. Up to that point we had had several weekend-long dates, and one solid week together. So yes, it absolutely must become day in and day out in-person interaction before a lifelong commitment should be entered into. If a geographical move is necessary, it must be for "explore the next level" purposes, not immediate marriage purposes.

I will also state again that I had a 35-state criminal background report about him in my possession before I spoke to him on the phone the second time. (A few joked with me at the time that he could have committed his murders in one of the other 15 states, but I digress......) This report took all of $65 US, 15 minutes on free internet reverse directory searches, and two days research time on the part of the fee-for-service entity I used.

Also, he sat down to dinner with my parents, with whom I lived at the time, on two different occasions---at HIS insistence---before I traveled to his city for the first time. My intended point here being, both parties should be equally cognizant of the idiosyncrasies of this thing. If one person seems to be moving much faster.....or especially faster but slower, if you follow me....it does not bode well.

If I had to sum it up in ten words or less, be smart about it, and be alert to possible pitfalls.

Decoding Internet Profiles

The language used tells the reader the vocabulary, education level as well as gender and age of the writer. Overall tone of the profile tells you about the writer's attitudes toward, sex, dating, gender and gender roles, relationships and marriage as well as giving an idea of the writer's sense of humor.

as an example:

1. "lithe, blithe and devastatingly delicious"
2. "flexible, happy and attractive"

The sentences mean the same thing but are entirely dfferent in almost every other respect.

The actual text should tell you who the writer is and for whom the writer is looking and what sort of relationsip the writer desires. If it doesn't - move on.

If it seems too good to be true - it is NOT true.

Everyone lies on their profile - expect it. Also expect serious issues to either be carefully glossed over or not mentioned at all. Everyone is fat, ill and ugly inside and out until proven otherwise.

Compare the stats with the written text. A 20-something self-described partygirl is one thing and a 50-something self-described partygirl is another. Working at a low level or entry-level job is okay for a 20 yr old but NOT ok for a 40 yr old.

And 10 to 1 the picture is of someone else.

Is it possible to meet girl with the help of internet if yes please suggest me how!

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thanks you for great post!))

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Some great ideas, doc, but let us face the demographic reality. As we reach to peak of the population pyramid, women outnumber men by a large factor. The average life expectancy of women exceeds men by a few years throughout the industrial world. The tradition of the older man and younger woman has grown over the ages during which death in childbirth was quite common. Back 200 years, male life expectancy exceeded female and it was common for men to have had, serially, a few wives.

The hangover from the Victorian era is that the man should be worldly and experienced and the woman fresh, innocent and willing to experience the world vicariously. The age of first marriage for both genders has increased rather significantly over the last half century; the age of first sexual experienced has decreased slightly over this same period. Both genders are likely to come into marriage, if they choose (see data on Finland) worldly and sexually experienced. Across the Nordic countries, barely half of all parents are ever married. Much of the rest of the civilized world is moving in this direction.

And, my point, is that the reversal of age from your chart is a predictable outcome: a woman is better off marrying a man a few years younger than she. In their teens, women mature earlier; by the late twenties, this maturity gap is closed and that is when serious relationships are now developing. Perhaps the age columns should be reversed for the genders beyond about 25.

[QUOTE]** It is not enough that you are in love (lust?) with a total stranger. "Love" does not make everything A-OK. The problem with these vast age differences is that the older men have experienced more of life, have learned some important lessons that you have yet to grasp, learned to be on their own, have become an autonomous adults (meaning he has lived on his own, can take care of day to day obligations, plan ahead, and as important, has acquired a more realistic perspective of life than does the younger person.)
[/QUOTE]

Disagree with this, most of the times it is probably true but there's no reason to rule out the odd occassion where you get an older person who is more immature than their actual age or the younger person who is abnormally more advanced and has had to grow up a lot faster due to personal situation.
The Example I give you is my relationship, I am 22 he is 51. He is regularly left speachless by how much I know and can deal with in life already such as legal rights, paying bills, and budgeting. And there are times when he can help me with things I am unsure about sure, but He has regularly said "I didn't know that" in regards to advice and information I have come out with also.

The history: We met online and started out as friends, we were still friends after meeeting IRL together with other gaming buddies at a game convention. It wasn't untill he moved this way to be closer as friends that we started seeing eachother every day. When my relationship to a man just 1 year older than me failed my good friend was there for me and after a while I decided he was the right one for me and we took it the step further.

The Summary: Yes use the above quoted as a general rule, but don't let it put you off entirely, anything is possible under the right cuircumstances.

My advice: Make sure that you meet them with other people first (just incase they turn out not to be who they said they were) and under the premise of just being friends. If all goes well and they are as they say they are and you click personality and experience wise then age shouldn't matter. But make sure it is love and not just lust, before taking it a step further, no reason to enter into something unless you are a 100% sure.

If it goes wrong: Hey plenty of relationships don't work even close age ones, so if it does go horribly wrong there is no reason to think it will happen again for the same reasons. Enjoy the good times you had regardless, and keep hunting.

But you see, Feral, that's the point. MOST people at your age haven't any experience other than "leaving it to Mom and/or Dad". Also, with , at most, 10 years of possible sexual experience, MOST 20-somethings haven't yet developed a good knowledge base or 'radar' and end up choosing the wrong partner with disatrous results. Hence the 50% failure rate for first marriages in the US.

The reason why I stress disbelief and meeting them "one-on-one" in a public place during the day - say, lunch - for two reasons: safety, of course and you have to be able to handle yourself and this is the best way to learn - by doing.

If he/she doesn't match their profile -he/she's a liar and may be discarded from consideration.

If he/she has glossed over serious issues and yet hasn't done anything to 'fix' those issues, they're not serious and may be discarded from consideration.

If he/she makes your skin crawl..you get the idea.

This method also demands that YOU make a decisioin right there and then - more contact or not; forcing you to play fairly.

Yes I agree with certain points but I thought it important to mention as I say "don't let it put you off entirely" I merely saw the majority of posts as being age gap relationship negative but I feel my relationship goes against that norm. And as I said also "and you click personality and experience wise then age shouldn't matter." and "anything is possible under the right circumstances." Do you not agree?

I am not saying that 50 and 20 is an impossible age gap. But I am saying that greater care must be taken when there is such a wide variance, and not just in age, to ensure that neither party is 'being taken advantage of' as both the 50 and the 20 yr old have their vulnerablities.

I really don't understand why everyone feels the need to bash long distance relationships. I've read what you said, and a lot of it SEEMS plausible, but it's all completely subjective at the same time.

And of course your obvious alternative -- meet someone in a mile's radius of where you live -- is impossible for some people such as myself. I've been everywhere there is for a guy like me who hates bars, sports, and other such activities with a passion. Hell, I've been across almost my entire state. There are no girls anywhere near where I live that I am interested in or comfortable with even considering for a date, much less asking out. The Internet is the only other option I have.

Or I could just stay single. And jack off to porn. That prospect is not very enticing to me.

You hate bars, sports and such activities with a passion. Okay so what DO you LIKE? Is that something women do too? If so - go and do that while keeping an eye out for women also participating in whatever it is. If women do not do whatever it is, then you need to broaden your interests to include something that women also do.

Next item: the local women either don't interest you or you don't feel comfortable with them. Visceral reactions usually do determine our sexual choices but when that doesn't work, it is time to think about WHY NOT. Are your expectations unrealistic? Are your insecurities showing? Think about it. Are you overlooking someone who adores you?

Bashing long distance relationships is based upon TIME. You only have so much of it available to you before you get tired of waiting and wanting. Depending upon circumstances even driving an hour becomes too much work for perhaps just 2 hours of fun. How many years are you willing to invest in something that, once you do meet up, might end up - let's just be friends? TIME. In a long distance relationship there's delay. You're sitting there wishing when you should be marrying and having kids. TIME. Long distance relationships are lives on hold. TIME.

And there's nothing subjective about it.

I am in a long distance relationship and I can tell you that what EEK says is true. It feels like my life is on hold.

We're at the point where I'm waiting for discussion about marriage so that I know whether it's reasonable for me to uproot my life and move to him. We know it's what we both want, but I think he wants to wait. But at some point I will get tired of waiting. Despite loving him, if it doesn't demonstrate a good prospect of turning into a near-distance relationship soon, eventually I will just get fed up of not being able to be together and have to move on.

That's definately the hardest part. Waiting, and not knowing how long you'll be waiting. It's harder than just being apart.

It's not impossible to make a long distance relationship work, but it is hard. You can't date this way. It requires a high level of investment from very early in the game, so it doesn't work as a casual thing. You need to cut people off very early if they aren't a long-term prospect, even if (had they lived closer) you'd have continued to spend time with them for fun. So I would NOT recommend that you resign yourself to this being your only option for dating.

Unfortunately EEK, the only activities I do like are ones I never have to leave home for. The only activities that take me out of the house are my job and going to the store.

Maybe its time for you to pick up some new hobbies then...

Nervous_One, your post seems like you want us to pitty you... That can't be right now, can it? As far as I can see, you've chosen to live your life in the way it pleases you. That comes with cons and pro's. So what is it you ask?

People are everywhere. You wouldn't believe how many chats and interesting conversations I've had in stores! All it takes is asking someone about something in their trolley/basket or making a comment while waiting in line. It comes to me naturally. But even if you are nervous about talking to strangers, it's really not that hard. All I say is "that looks like a great idea for dinner!" and the conversations has started :) Public transport can provide for nice chats too.

And some will probably say I'm very naughty for even mentioning this ;) But I've met my lover at my job. The relationship lasted about 4 years, during which we frequently worked together. All it takes is a professional attitude of separating one situation from the other. As long as your boss is just as professional as you are in separating work from private, there's no issue. Even better when you work at a small informal family-like company. Our boss gave us his blessing. I've never regretted it and would date a co-worker again.

As for long distance and internet-relationship. I've seen them end badly and know of people who encountered nasty first meetings and stalkers being the result. I've seen them end in moving in together, kids, marriage, etc. I don't judge it. It's just another way of how people meet the love of their life. It's good threads like these are pointing out the cons, pitfalls and necessary precautions, though. Just like there are threads on how to go out and date safely.

I don't see much relevance in the age-list, though. Apart from that I consider age simply a number and experience, personality, the daily world one lives in, etc far more valuable. I'd say the ages mentioned are far too close together. In real life you wouldn't know someone's age either, except for a rough estimate (which could be very far off ;)). On the internet, I think many lie about their age to either match it with the age they feel like or to simply fool teenagers (careful!)

Then it is time for you to decide what you really want.

Live as you are now FOREVER?

Or find yourself someone to love who will love you in return?

Your choice.

@RedRoses: Nah, I'm not looking for pity. And you're right, I did choose to live my life this way. This is the way that's most comfortable for me. Only downside is that I'm not what most would consider "normal" for it. Then again, "normal" is boring.

I'm also not a teenager; I'm 21 years old. AND I'm also currently in a long-distance relationship with a girl named *blanked out to protect identity* who'd like to meet up in a couple months. We both met online playing an MMO, and we got to chatting and it's impressive how alike we are. She's also about five years older than me.

I'm well aware of the cons of online relationships and I know how dangerous they can be. But I personally feel it's more worth my time than going out to a bar where they expect you to buy an alcoholic beverage, something I swore off in middle and high school along with smoking.

@EEK: I'd rather live as I choose AND find the love of my life. Or let her find me, since looking has resulted in nothing but failure since I was in seventh grade, when I started.

@g-dubz: The only hobbies, outside of playing video games or putting together model cars, available to people in my age group are what I mentioned not liking. Getting drunk or high, one night stands, watching football, etc. = not my thing. I'm not your average guy and I'm proud of it. However, I may or may not discover something *legal* that's cool for a guy my age to be into as life goes on. Maybe. Guess I'll have to see.

Apologies if I may have sounded aggressive when wording this post; that was not my intention, I was writing things as they came to me, plus I was trying to address certain posters.

You're 21 and you sound like an old man - "set in his ways".

If you've been this way since age 7, this means you have not changed since age 7. This is not a good thing.

Normal is boring? If something is boring to you, it means you haven't looked into it deeply enough. For example: some who come here asking questions think their sex life is boring and they want ideas to spice it up. Yet, I can tell you from experience, mine as well as others', that sex even with the same partner and even over a long period of time cannot, simply CNA NOT, be boring because no one ever knows anyone that well and besides, we all , 'cept you perhaps, change over time - grow, learn, mature, and we do it at different rates and in different directions so in fact every time you have sex is different.

Do you understand?

[QUOTE=Nervous_One;276855]

@g-dubz: The only hobbies, outside of playing video games or putting together model cars, available to people in my age group are what I mentioned not liking. Getting drunk or high, one night stands, watching football, etc. = not my thing. I'm not your average guy and I'm proud of it. However, I may or may not discover something *legal* that's cool for a guy my age to be into as life goes on. Maybe. Guess I'll have to see.

[/QUOTE]

You actually sound somewhat similar to me lol. Getting drunk and one night stands aren't very appealing to me either for various reasons however there are lots of other things to do. You're just gonna have to get a little creative. You don't have to adopt a sport but perhaps you could just go outside and maybe take a stroll down your local park or something. You might find some women there. If you live in a big city, you might also want to look into learning some parkour and/or free running. I don't think many women participate in that but it's something that looks cool to do since you don't want to pick up a sport. There's also LARPing (Live Action Role Playing) since you're into MMOs.

You're into building model cars, so maybe you can find a car show somewhere. As soon as I can find work, I'm going to start saving some money so I can invest in some DJ equipment so I can start spinning in clubs on the weekends and meet women that way. That could be something you could be also looking into.

Are you attending college? If so there are probably campus gaming groups you can join.

are all outdoor activities ruled out? there are so many to choose from and some spark conversation like rock climbing. don't be afraid to push yourself or have someone push you out of your confront zone. every successful person has done it.

My boyfreind is very much like you. Does not drink, does not like large social gatherings, most interests are indoors, job is in an office.

But he strikes out, finds ways to get himself outdoors. He hikes, and digs for precious stones and fossils. He used Meetup to find hiking groups to walk with. He cycles to work.

He engages in projects that require collaboration, which is where he found me.

Not only do you not have to drink to go to a bar (you can say "no"!), but there ARE other places that people gather. How about cafes and coffee shops? Eat lunch out more, work at t he library instead of at home, make conversatino with the people you encounter. Stop worrying about it having to be something "cool" for a guy your age to be into.

Being indoorsy has NOTHING to do with being alone. That is a choice you make.

Well I do enjoy hiking or camping from time to time, but that's about it. And when I'm going to the store or to work my mind is never on being social, it's always on getting the job done. It's not because I'm antisocial either -- God knows I'm not, I just can never find an appropriate time or place (or the balls) to do it -- it just never occurs to me to strike up a conversation. Especially at work where unnecessary fraternization becomes distracting and thus punishable.

EEK, all my life I've been more focused on keeping others happy so I don't end up getting in trouble. I've rarely, if ever, taken any liberties for myself out of fear of being punished for it or yelled at. Now that I'm an adult I'm trying to break out of this. And part of what I was afaid of getting in trouble for was hanging out with friends after school or other social activities... though my parents never gave any indication that they would discipline me for it. I was too focused on being a "good kid" to learn how to be "normal" and that lifestyle, which I was stuck with for 18 years, is hard to grow out of.

Sorry for the double post, I couldn't find an Edit key.

Living for other people doesn't do anyone any good. Not only does it ruin you but it also ruiins the others you're sacrificing yourself for.

I managed to figure that out when I turned 18. Only problem is, as I said, breaking away from those habits. But we seem to have gone off on a tangent here.

I have an online girlfriend, and we're planning to meet sometime this year once her schedule allows it.

Forgive my natural cyncism but 'when her schedule permits' sounds tepid at best. Some caution, certainly, is to be expected - but in the absence of something more enthusiastic, I'd not hold my breath.

No one has ever said that changing one's life/habits is or is going to be easy. The trick in doing it is to replace x with y and then move on to replacing b with z and so forth.

For example: when shopping for fresh veges, you being male, could simply ask the woman standing next to you "does this seem fresh to you? How can you tell?" Talking to people in real life without having the heebie-jeebies or feeling that you're 'intruding' is a skill worth learning.

I couldn't agree more with your statement about learning to talk to people in real life. Or changing habits.

However, I must disagree with the first thing, about the tepid. She couldn't be more enthusiastic. Every conversation we have had pretty much has us discussing getting together and she's all for it. We just haven't found a proper date for it yet and I personally don't want to get her in trouble with her boss for leaving on a week-long vacation on such short notice... currently we have our sights set on May since that's the month we have our birthdays, and there'd be more to do anyway.

...Uh... if we're going to continue this conversation shouldn't I open another thread for it? Or perhaps you could PM me? Because it seems like we're going off-topic and I don't want to be responsible for hijacking this thread. -_-

Hijacking threads is what we do here because once the initial question has been thrashed out, we often find that there are further ramifications or additional questions to be considered.

My point about tepid was that people make time for what is important to them. If you feel that waiting 4 more months isn't 'tepid' - okay then.

I think she's worth waiting for. I'd rather take a chance on this and fail than try to force myself to be interested in local women who are nothing like her.

I have to say this,

I don't think you have a girlfreind. Not yet.

Without having met, you don't really know if you're going to hit it off. I demanded a meeting with my LDR boyfreind before I could say if I was interested in him. This happened within one week of him expressing interest in me. Would I have waited out 4 months before knowing if he was someone I could tolerate in person? No! That's an unreasonable investment of time and emotional energy. It was now or never, and it had to be for us to stay sane.

As someone who is IN an LDR, I can tell you that online interaction is quite different, and it really is no substitute for facetime. Our hardest times are the forced conversations on Skype, because it's not a natural way for us to interact. See the recent advice column on the mainpage about "no chemistry after meeting in person".

What you have is a proto-relationship that is in limbo, and not progressing. You're investing months of your life into something that you don't even know is a prospect for a relationship or not yet. And honestly I think EEK is right; I would take it as a sign of disinterest on her part that she has you waiting MONTHS, rather than days or weeks for a date.

Also, for an LDR to work long term you need to meet regularly, and you need a prospect of being together permenantly. If she can't find time for a date now, how is she going to find time to conduct a relationship with you over this distance? How long will you wait, without dating anyone else, without a girlfreind in her, without knowing where you life is going?

I'm not saying don't date her if she can make time for it eventually, but don't restrict her to your only option so long before that happens. She's not your girlfreind yet so you still have the option of meeting other women. No need to cut all ties for this thing before you even know if you fancy her.

I still think this conversation is relevant to people seeking dates online, because we need to emphasise that it's a supplement to, and not a replacement for social interaction.

[QUOTE=Nervous_One;277120] She couldn't be more enthusiastic. [/QUOTE]

Oh sure she may be excited right now, but what if she changes or mind? She may meet someone much closer to her and might decide to date him instead and may never meet you. What the women here are trying to say is that 4 months is a long time waiting to meet someone and there's no telling what could happen by then.

She IS my only option! No girl within an hour's radius of my home location (if there are any at all, since I live practically in the middle of nowhere) is a viable candidate either. I don't want to say why either because then it'll make me sound like a pig or perv or whatever, and none of you know me at all so you won't believe me when I tell you I'm not.

This LDR has proven far more worth it to wait for than every single girl I've ever met, especially since none of them have any interest in me as a boyfriend/fiance/husband at all, plus they're too normal for me. They may have a wonderful personality, and that's really a good thing and part of the criteria I have when "actively" searching, but if it ever came time to have sex they'd close their eyes and/or look away as soon as my pants are down. Or focus anywhere other than between my legs. Which, in the end, makes me feel uglier than I already think I am so my heart just wouldn't be in it to finish what was already started, no matter who started it.

Over the course of our many varied and lengthy conversations as an online couple, my LDR has made it clear time and time again that she is not like that, and has a hard time imagining that there are women like that in existence at all. Perhaps I'm insane, and perhaps she is too because she's a perfect match for me if our conversations are to be taken seriously at all, but both of us see each other as worth waiting for. And we will, we made a promise to each other. Now if that's not a commitment I don't know what is.

I've no reason to lie to anyone, especially not over the Internet, especially not if a situation like this comes up. Neither does she. I've always been downright honest, even to the point of painting myself in a bad light, warning her of every single detail that occurs to me might happen if we were together in real life. She's not shied away from the prospect once, and I'm very impressed.

Plus, I'm a patient man. I've been waiting twenty-one years (my whole life) for the perfect woman. Another few months won't kill me. Waiting til the end of my life, however, with not so much as a PARTIAL success, will.

EDIT: I edited this way too many times... -_-

I don't see myself as worth waiting for. At all. I can't at the moment because of how I was forced to live my life by other people. I can't because I was taught from a young age, unintentionally or no, that my dick was ugly and I made the mental bridge connecting that to the rest of me by default.

Since I consequently believed I was ugly as a whole, even because of one stupid body part no one but me ever sees, I was even less optimistic about making friends or even getting a girlfriend, which in the end led to me being pretty much a loner throughout my entire school career.

Now I'm graduated from high school, completely swearing off college because I don't have the attention span to sit through it without daydreaming constantly, and wondering to myself how the hell I can possibly get myself out of this house and into my own if the only places that will hire me only pay minimum wage. On top of that, I still think I'm ugly, even if my LDR doesn't, so I'm pretty much worthless to any woman whom I might meet. I'll always believe they can have better than me.

Here's MY criteria:

1.) Must not be a complete bitch
2.) Must have a sense of humor
3.) Must be tolorant of my weirdness since that's what makes me "me"
4.) Must not see male genitalia as unnattractive in any aspect whatsoever.

Those are the four basic things I'm looking for. I don't mind what she looks like so much as who she is inside. And if I can only find a woman like that on the Internet and NOT within walking distance of my house then guess where I'll be spending most of my courting time.

Looking away from a naked man? NOT this woman! So there's at least one and I am not unique.

ALL your 'criteria'? Pricing yourself rather out of the market then.
Let me tell you my criteria for a male partner.

1. taller than me in my 3" heels
2. heavier than me
3. bigger than me
4. older than me
5. smarter than me

"she has too much important stuff going on in her life to put on hold just to meet ME." That's an odd, rather passive-aggressive statement for someone who has "criteria" that only one woman can match to make.

Ugly is as ugly does. And just because whoevertoldyouthat had an issue does not mean you have to make their issue your issue so STOP IT. Men don't have to be handsome anyway - as long as they're cute, they've got it made. And a penis looks pretty much like a penis. Some are this, some are that - I know you wouldn't know but you can bet your life that I would since I've had far more exposure to penises than you have had.

As far as your criteria are concerned, you can get rid of #1 since having #2 precludes #1 and expecting her to abide by #3 while you refuse to accept her being #1 is rather 'the pot calling the kettle black' and a bit unfair, dontcha think? Just askin'.

I agree with #4. Male genitals are, to me, cute esp if they're also furry.

....

Ok now I'm mindfucked. lol

Are you telling me my criteria list is unecessary (or however you spell it) except for #4?

And shouldn't I be accepted and loved as I am instead of as how someone wants me to be? That's what I meant by number 3. I have a hobby that some people may call weird or nerdy and I'm not about to give it up since it's one more thing keeping me from turning to drugs and alcohol.

And I believe that you believe what you do about male genitals, EEK, but you're in a minority there. The majority of women would rather keep their eyes closed and or turned away when it appears, according to every forum I've visited that discussed this topic.

I didn't mean to imply that either of you are necessarily lying to eachother, I'm sorry if that's what you got from that.

What I mean is that interacting with someone on skype is a different process and a different experience than interacting with them face-to-face.

You won't know whether you can function in a relationship with her untill you've met and had the opportunity to decide whether you still like her in-person. It's possible that she may have a bad habit that she doesn't realise she has that will drive you absolutely crazy!

I think you need to get help with your self-worth problem. By your own admission, your difficulty finding women has a foundation in your opinion of yourself, and thus it is YOU who is writing off all your other options. You're self-sabotaging if you will. I get that, I do. But again, there's no need to resign yourself to it.

Maybe getting some help with your self-worth is what you can spend the next four months focussing on.

To be honest, I made her aware of the situation and instead of leaving me she's tried to help me. And again, I'm making a time sacrifice for HER convenience. I would love to meet her in a week (she would too) but realistically such a thing cannot happen, especially if she lives in State X while I live in State Y, in the same time zone.

That's what the visit in May's gonna be for, to determine whether or not we CAN function together. We know what the risks are, but we're willing to take them in the hopes of having found the one person we know will be our lover for the rest of our lives. I plan on spending a lot of time with her to get a feel for what such a thing would be like. And if THIS is a failure then it's likely I'll never find another prospect.

I'd get help with my self-worth issue but I don't trust people easily, especially if they give me compliments I'm paying them for, i.e. psychiatrists. I'm much more likely to believe a friend but even that's iffy because there's no such thing as a friend who won't betray you anymore. Not from what I've seen, at least. This is one of many things I'm struggling with. I don't know if I was sheltered from the harsh realities of life as a kid before going to elementary school but whatever happened, over the course of time I learned enough about it to make me start hating it. And ALL that knowledge came from the school system, and the radio, and the news networks, and other media such as the Lifetime movies my mom was/is fond of.

No, I'm not saying your criteria are out there. I am saying that you have not yet thought it out thoroughly. All you really want is what everyone really wants - to be loved as you are for yourself.

No one can guarantee that will happen. But I can tell you that selling yourself short will result in everyone else selling you short as well. I know you cannot as yet stop doing that. But you have made it this far and so can certainly go up the next step and think yourself 'not half bad'.

Look Psychologists do not give compliments - they ask questions and then ask more questions and ask even more questions. they want you to tell them the answers because the answers are only real if they come from you. They help you can perspective which is something you definitely need.

Only you can decide, of course, but I'd say best get on with your life and leave all of that baggage behind. Just drop it and walk away. Then go and get counseling.

That's probably the best course of action. But I don't want to give up on the LDR... if I do it might turn out to be another wasted opportunity.

No one's saying that you should. You're welcome to wait for that person but you should still be trying pursue women that are much closer to you.

By all means keep your LDR and I wish you good luck with her but that does NOT mean that you cannot also give more local women another chance to know and perhaps to love you.

I wouldn't mind giving more local women a chance to know and perhaps love me, EEK, but morally I just cannot do it. I'm not like other guys, I don't like the idea of having tons of women at my beck and call because then I feel like a player, and then I feel even worse because it's almost like I'm cheating on multiple women at once. And in the state where I live, women tend to be VERY uptight about that sort of thing.

Players lie to people and there for you would not be a player if you are up front with everyone. I see what players do, they are nothing but selfish. Do not catagorize yourself as a player when you simply just want to get a better idea of what kind girl you like.

I -know- what kind of girl I like. It's not hard for me to figure out, especially since the vast majority of my normal friends, when I've had them, have been straight females! I see what they're like, and then I see what women are like on TV and in movies... and then I see the same character traits in both worlds.

The only problem I have with the women I know is that they would positively HATE seeing me naked. It's better for the relationships we already have if I don't put us in a position where such a thing is needed, because I'll never settle for a woman who's not as visual as I am.

So tell me how do you morally manage giving out judgements like that after you've been slammed by just the same sort of judgements.

"I just know..."
"My friends act just the same way."
"as visual as I am"

in point of fact:

you don't know, you guess
you're not looking beneath the social mask
no woman is, we're wired differently

Most young women your age want FUN. Are you fun? Well, since you immediately confuse DATING with SEX I'd guess, you're not.