I'm one of these men who genuinely like giving oral sex to women. I like the wetness, heat, taste and odour. The problem is that I don't get enough practice to validate the wealth of theory that I've picked up from books and the internet.
I think women feel that I'm not performing it with passion but that I am experimenting, practising, trying to remember what I've read and basically trying to get really good at it. They are of course right. Although I enjoy giving it, I want to practice giving it well. This inevitably means that the session is nothing more than a warm up act for penetration. Having read the book, "She Comes First", I'd like cunnilingus to be more than just foreplay.
So my unromantic question to women is: Would you enjoy a man practising on you when you knew that he genuinely and honestly enjoyed it but wanted to get a lot better at it?
I thought that making a profile on an internet site would be the answer but although I got a lot of attention from women who loved the idea of long sessions so that I can get a lot of practice, they inevitably suspected that my motives where because I had a problem with the plumbing downstairs.
I used to be a 'bookworm' about sexual play too. I'd pick up ideas here at SI101, and try them out on my then-boyfriend-now-husband. I wanted to get it 'right' because I wanted to pleasure him well. I wanted to be as good at pleasuring him as he is at doing so for me, but I thought I didn't know enough without studying specific techniques.
Then one time when we were discussing such things, he told me that what I'm best at doing for him, is the stuff that strikes me off the top of my head in the moment. And I realized that what my 'bookworminess' led to, was me over-thinking everything. Trying too hard to get it exactly right. Focusing too much on the procedure and not enough on the person. (Sidebar: this also held me back from my OWN pleasure when roles are reversed. I couldn't get completely out of my brain and into the moment.)
And the thing is, most of the stuff that strikes me off the top of my head, is the stuff I do when I'm following his body's lead. A random unplanned caress in a spot I don't normally pay a lot of attention to, and he likes it, so I keep doing it and WOW. In fact, after 4 years of a relationship and 2 1/2 months married, I just found a new one the other night.
So as a woman who can't get enough oral, the best secret I can give you to doing it well is to worry less about getting a procedure right and pay more attention to how she reacts to what you're doing. Listen to her body and her vocalizations and follow them where they take you.
Yes and No - following his or her lead is all very well - if you have an idea of where you're going. There are men who couldn't find a clitoris if you stood on the arms of his chair and shoved it into his face. Similarly, there are women who look at a man's penis and run for cover - in the next state over.
Not from - eewww, that's ugly - or from - you want me to do what? - but from - what do I do now?? They simply have no idea - what it is, what one does, and how it all works.
So you begin reading up and do the 'theory' and then you do the 'practicum' where you find a tolerant and vocal 'trainer' who will help you out with this.
Also, yes and no. And you get to the issue of why I prefer women. Save men for when I really want a penis. Men often seem to be following a recipe or guide. Women are in the moment, reading the clues and responding to exactly what one needs. Yes, I have "been done" by some competent men and enjoyed them thoroughly; I also have written off a few to "needing to learn somewhere" without rancour and become a teacher rather than a partner. Some sister may benefit someday.
Advice: relax, observe, respond to her rather than trying to lead. May be fine to lead in dancing but in love making her body, more than "she," will guide you to exactly what is needed - NOW!
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HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
Next: If you are new & have no experience (Pt. 2 of HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED!:
If you are a guy who happens to be shy or uncertain about making the first move, know that this is OK. My suggestion is:
> I think women feel that I'm not performing it with passion but that I am experimenting, practising, trying to remember what I've read and basically trying to get really good at it.
You can do both; passion results from having an emotional connection with the other person. If there are no sparks and pheromones flying between you, there will in all likelihood be no passion. That there is this connection, then practice. What you do not want to do is to make it appear that you are experimenting on her. You can practice and become better by reading her responses to what you are doing and reacting to them.
Please understand that relationships are a partnership and this includes the sexual aspect of them. Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other. Communication and feedback are also key to being a successful lover. There is an article on this that you should read, also.
> I want to practice giving it well.
As do we all. Please understand that making love is not a numbers game, that is, we do not do 1, then 2, then 4, then 6, then 3, then 5, always in the same way and order. Making love is a dynamic activity. We take our cues from how our partner is responding and for what s/he needs now/next then respond in kind.
As part of not doing things by the numbers or rote, is the fact that people's emotions change day to day, moment to moment, as does what is going on in our heads. People can be distracted by concerns, outside distractions, random thoughts that pop into one's head, etc., all of which will change how and what we do when.
So, RELAX, and do not be so analytical. Lastly, explore and learn together.
Lol cut a bunch of the "theory" out and go with this....
Read her body. If she says omg wtf ouch! It means stay away. If she says omg right there then congratulations. You have to watch her movements. Watche her facial expressions, sounds, make sure to play with her clit and just worship her body.
I used to have people (even some bi girls) tell me a step by step.
"Spell the alphabet and then use the flat of your tongue"
"Do circles around her opening then every 10th lick touch her clit"
"Go down on her? Why do that?"
Everyone has their own philosphies but the best lovers usually are adept with body language. And as far as just telling a gril "I wanna experiment" is kinda odd. Just start fooling around and then do it. Or after you guys have finished and are laying there all tangled up, just move down and start "playng".
just make sure you know the anatomy down there and look at the basics of cunnilingus on the main page. from there go with the flow and enjoy yourself and her. stop making it harder than it needs to be. it's not like you are giving a speech on quantum physics and the sting theory.
So it is a case of trying to grasp the spirit behind the theory and going with its flow by staying in the moment?
I admit that I have trouble with staying in the "now" and the moment.
One reason why I ask is because some girls I know who claim to be straight, practice French kissing and cunnilingus on each other. Yet, if a man asked to practice on them, they'd be offended and declare that they expect "trust, comfort and connection" etc first.
Look, that's what they say...to guys they're not attracted to...but give them a guy who revs their engine and they won't care if he 'connects' etc. Guys should realise that females also go all WOW about males just as males do over females - we just display our interest differently.
Hmmmm... I remember when I was at this stage. Sure the theory helped, but what really propelled me to learn quality techniques was comunication with my subject in the form of verbal and body language. I actually found myself thinking like a woman on a whole new sensual level.
If you can read a womans body language and connect with her on a sensual passionate level, you are halfway there. Just let your tongue, lips and fingers do the rest.
Last night is a good case in point. After showing my fiance a couple threads on here she realised the importance of foreplay, after four yrs of being together. She put a lot of effort into it last night and it paid off, she connected with me on a sensual level like never before, which allowed me to do the same. We finished at 2.30am. Her response: "I have never had an orgasm so intense, what have I been missing?" All because of passion and sensuality.
So I'd say start there ;)
Hmmmm... I remember when I was at this stage. Sure the theory helped, but what really propelled me to learn quality techniques was comunication with my subject in the form of verbal and body language. I actually found myself thinking like a woman on a whole new sensual level.
If you can read a womans body language and connect with her on a sensual passionate level, you are halfway there. Just let your tongue, lips and fingers do the rest.
Last night is a good case in point. After showing my fiance a couple threads on here she realised the importance of foreplay, after four yrs of being together. She put a lot of effort into it last night and it paid off, she connected with me on a sensual level like never before, which allowed me to do the same. We finished at 2.30am. Her response: "I have never had an orgasm so intense, what have I been missing?" All because of passion and sensuality.
So I'd say start there ;)
Terribly sorry for all the double posts!
"Most American men, especially black guys" hate going down on a woman"
Please go. Most men love going down on a girl. To make such a bold claim is ignorant. You've really been with a over 50 million men?
Hi Tall,
I love how you love the smell & taste & heat of a woman's pussy. I had a French boyfriend who I miss so much who loved doing that to me. But to me the most arousing time is when I am menstruating. It is so erotic for a man to go down there, licking & sucking & swallowing my blood & juices & than coming up to kiss me on my lips very passionately w/my blood and juices on their mouth, love the smell & taste of both the blood & my juices. Most American men especially black guys hate cunnilingus itself, so never mind when there's blood there. Your woman are very lucky to have such a erotic , sensual man who loves to give this type of pleasure. I envy them!! This is why I miss my French boyfriend, nothing was inhibited, all the forbidden fruits could be explored!!
Good luck w/your pleasuring of woman.
Anne