I'm in the same boat... so I would love to see the responses you get.

Here is some information that I hope will answer the questions and concerns the two of you (and many others) have.

First, it is important to know and understand that there are only a couple of postions that really stimulate a woman sufficiently to bring about her orgasm. The Woman Superior is the best because it gives her full control over how fast and how deep the penis is inserted; plus, the speed and tempo of the stroking and thrusting.

Because she can rub her genitals more or less constantly on his pubic mound, she receives nearly constant friction. The same is true for the second position which is a modification of the Missionary position. The trick here is for the man to position himself in order to "ride high" up in order for the base of his penis and pubic mound to rub her genitals.

With most other positions, all the movements associated with stroking are transitory and not sufficient or prolonged enough to build a woman's arousal enough to get her to the brink.

Second, what most men do in these situations is to reach around and finger their lover's clitoris and labia by hand while engaged in intercourse.

> i dont actualy feel much pleasure from it, i knwo im not alone in this some of my friends are the same way, but i am worried that i'll never enjoy it.

How do you define "pleasure"? Do you mean feeling something from the act of intercourse itself, or, from the act of making love itself? Actually, the two are connected. It is important to have an emotional connection with your partner for without this, sex is just so much impassive mechanics.

If you have the needed emotional connection, then I would look at how the two of you actually make love, You might want to begin by evaluating your boyfriend's knowledge, skill and techniques. He may have all the right motivation yet lack the proper methodology. I don't know, I'm just tossing out ideas to consider.

What about you? Have you bridged the gap from being what the sexperts term "preorgasmic" to a woman able to experience orgasms? If you have not yet experienced orgasms from masturbation and now as a result of being sexually active, then you need to learn how to masturbate to orgasm. Once you can do this regularly and consistently then you can teach your partner(s) how to mimic your unique and specific movements, rhythms, and pressures that over the years you have come to rely upon.

> Secondly, i know for most women this would be an advantage but he takes a LONG time to reach an orgasm, i wouldnt mind but it takes a lot of energy that sometimes i dont have, is there anything i can do to make him reach his goal a lot faster without using toys or products?

Absolutely, positively, indubitably, yes. If his belief and actions are to build his level of arousal and sexual excitement to the required peak via intercourse then he is going about it all wrong. If he is stroking and later thrusting away in what seems to be an endless attempt to reach the trigger point of his orgasm then he absolutely needs to change his methodology and his thinking. If in fact this is what he is doing, it is not at all unusual and is a common misconception among inexperienced men.

Stroking leisurely in and out is designed to maintain a preexisting level of arousal. Thrusting is used to top off or peak the man's already high state of arousal and move him from one side of the plateau phase to the other where the trigger point of his arousal curve is. (The arousal curve for a male is similar to a bell shape, although having the following characteristics: a steep leading edge (arousal), a flat top (plateau or coasting phase), and a wide tapering trailing edge (refractory period). NOTE: The curve for a woman is similar, however the width of the entire curve is much much wider. Where the man's initial arousal phase is just a few minutes, the woman's is many minutes. Likewise, the man's refractory period is perhaps 15-30 minutes long, whereas a woman's can be several hours long.

Back on point. What every man must understand and then adopt is that one purpose of foreplay is to build his arousal to the brink of an orgasm whereupon the couple pause the stimulation in order for him to backslide just slightly and only long enough for his sense of urgency to subside. The couple can then get into position and employ a certain amount of stroking to maintain this high level state of readiness. Thrusting will then peak his arousal, tension, and anticipation and trigger his orgasm.

So, if your guy is stroking and then trying to get off from frantic bursts of thrusting and this scenario goes on for five or ten or more minutes, then he needs to adopt the above procedure. Many women become tired, bored, and sore, if intercourse goes on for more than ten minutes. The "act" takes on a new twist, one of prolonging pleasure rather than one that expresses the love and emotions each has for the other.

Last but not least--
> is there anything i can do to make him reach his goal a lot faster without using toys or products?

Asked and answered. Spend lots of time modulating his state of arousal with plenty of manual and oral stimulation before engaging in intercourse.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Okay, maybe our situations are not as similar as I thought. For me, your answer doesn't help at all, because it describes where to go after arousal. Well, for me there is no arousal, other than the fact that I am wet enough for intercourse.

I have tried many times, and nothing.

This sounds like a question for Brandye. I think it would be better at this stage to find a counselor with a specialization in sex therapy.

About a quarter of all women never, or very rarely, experience orgasm. About half of all women (I am in this group) never, or rarely, experience orgasm from penile stroking or thrusting. Our societal "ideals" of remaining virgin until marriage and then be carried away with passion are really not helpful.

There is a relationship between the age at which we begin masturbating and our later sexual satisfaction (the earlier, the better). Masturbation is simply the best sexual learning available to women because until we know what we are moving towards, we do not know what should be happening in our bodies. Listening to "nice girls do not touch themselves down there" actually inhibits sexual response in later life.

"Frigidity" is more commonly than not a psychological issue with which responsible and properly trained sex therapists can help. Not too many physicians have the skills or the time to be really helpful. The therapy should always start with a complete physical exam to ensure that there is not an organic problem. With physical problems out of the way, then you can work on what the psychological blocks are.

Most women ignore the whole thing and that leads to the one-quarter never finding out what an orgasm is. It is never too late to try. I had a thirtyish mother of three in my surgery last week who had just had her first orgasm. She was sorry it was with someone other than her husband because now she does not know how to explain how she learned what set her off!

My first, and present, girlfriend and I learned what women can do for each other talking (endlessly) about what we wished our b/fs would do; then we demonstrated and off we went.