trying to concive

[Desi2010]

ok this is my first post

My and my fince are trying to concive a baby and here are my problems with that

I want to know what sexaul postion works best with making a baby
if it is missionary i have a problem with that one
my partner can't come when he is on top
he says because of his ball (he only has one) is moving to much for him to do so
he has had sex before and it work its just with me am i doing something wrong? We have only had sex with me on top and he also probley has a low sperm count so with those two things combined i think that is why where having problems trying to concive can someone help me ???
I got off the pill about five mounths ago so it could take me some time to but i'm pretty sure i ovaulated????
can anyone help or has anyone ever had a problem like this that could give me some tips ???? please help me!!!

[Brandye]

Well, missionary with your knees high and your staying there for twenty minutes or so is the most recommended for pregnancy. Whatever position works with your immediately rolling to your back and raising your hips onto a cushion is indicated.

Five motnhs after the pill you should be back to normal cycles. The low sperm count should be investigated. You should have sex every two or three days. That allows him time to regenerate a stock of sperm and will have live sperm in your uterus for the entire month. If you do not conceive in three or four months visit a fertility clinic.

[Desi2010]

thank you so much for the tips me and my fince are going to try longer and wait a little bit were going to try to have sex around the time i ovaulate and i'm for sure am going to try to wait longer after sex and not get up (i used to wait for about five minutes but if twenty is the usual then i will do that) i'm thinking me and my fince should go in and see a gyno to talk about what the problem could be ? I am a little scaried to do that because they might be judgementle or something cuz me and my fince are young i'm 18 and he is 21 but i am of age and we are ready to have a kid. But I think we should anyway one for my nerves I get stressed easly and that could be a prob too that and get him tested for low sperm count

[RedRoses]

Dear Desi,
From your posts I sense insecurity. And that off course isn't that weird since you two have made quite an exciting decision!

Allow me to point out "natural family planning" to you. NFP is a method in which a woman observes her body daily, records findings and analyzes them, to determine when she is fertile. It can be used as contraception as well as pro-conception. Using this method gives you better insight in how your body works and perhaps makes things a bit more secure to you

Basically you daily monitor and make notes on a cycle-chart of:
-cervix; the position and feel of the cervix predict whether you are ovulating. It is usually soft and higher in the period around ovulation. Sturdy and lower in the periods after and preceeding. If you check your cervix 1 time each day; you will feel it changing. Choose a specific time that is convenient to you.
-cervical mucus: the mucus changes too over your cycle. Going from perhaps a bit yellowish and clothy to smooth and clear. Around your ovulation you may find that you can stretch the mucus into strings. Check the mucus at least once a day, together with the cervix-position would be a good opportune moment. Throughout the day; you may also notice it while visiting the toilet.
-temperature: measure your bodytemperature daily just after you've awakened, before you get up. If the last 3 measurements are at least 0.2 degrees celcius higher than the previous 6 measurements (days), it is an indication you have ovulated 2-3 days ago. Since the eggcel only survives a short period of time (estimates going from 12-48 hours), it will now not be able to fertilize it.
-other indicators: Some women may "feel" their ovulation, as a little pain in one of their ovaries. Some may feel a difference in sensitivity of their breasts and nipples. Some feel very easily sexually aroused during ovulation. Make notes if anything like this applies to you.
-other influences keep track of things that were "other than usual" and may possibly interfere with your cycle: did you use medication? did you take a holiday? were you having any other complaints; feeling sick, etc? did you experience a lot of stress?
-see also: NFP- sharing experiences?

From my experience; the method does not only make you understand your fertility better, but also makes you feel more in-tuned with your body You really learn to "listen" to it. By listening to your body you will be able to read better when ovulation will be and can determine when it has occurred. It usually takes you some time to get to know your cycle; about 3 cycles. To learn to method most effectively you should consult a nfp-counselor, family planning centre or primary physician. They will be able to provide you with cyclecharts as well. There are some good books, but sadly: I don't know one in English...

Bonus is also; you usually will be asked to keep track of exactly this when you visit a fertilityclinic (at least in Holland it's standard procedure). So if it comes to this, you'll have a jumpstart

There's a little thing to it; most couples think of NFP as a method that has a positive influence on their relationship. But some couples start to only have sex when they think it's "the right time to conceive". When they know ovulation has passed, they will not make love. This is turning sex into a chores. I recommend you two to really keep enjoying sex. That's better for the two of you and for your to-be-baby. A happy mother makes a happy baby! And there are indicators that passionate lovemaking would more easily result in pregnancy, see: Conceivable: 'Gourmet sex' the key to increased fertility, says new research And: the vaginal and uterine environment changes to be more agreeable to sperm if a woman has an orgasm: Why Women's Orgasms? So: keep enjoying and having fun!

Maybe this is a bit much all in once. If you have questions, feel free to ask! I am no medical professional, but have been using natural family planning for almost 3 years now (as contraception, but as said: the method remains the same, you just change the goal).

[Desi2010]

thank you so much just reading these post do alot to destress me and not make me worry to much. Its me that is getting over stressed my partner isn't he says i should relax and it was hard expecaly when I was on my period or just getting off from it. I am tracking my cervical mucus but I should try taking my temp in the morning. I am taking one a day womens vitimen and it has folic acid in it and I heard if you take more folic acid it helps with your chances? what other supplments would help? or even a supplment that would help him?

[Brandye]

Folic acid is important during pregnancy but it will do nothing to help you get pregnant. Tracking your basal temp can be helpful but is not always a sure thing. That is why we recommend that until you get to the specialist stage, have sex every other day (perhaps three with his low sperm count) from the end of your period until the beginning of the next. Some women actually ovulate twice (or even more) each month and the temperature taking will be confusing.

You are correct, some people will be judgmental with your ages, not being married and apparent lack of education (based on your writing). You will be encouraged to wait a bit and get some of your life together. Bottom line is that is none of their business. Medical practicioners are there to help you, not to judge you.

[dancingdoc2]

Hi Desi,

What I am about to share with you is likely to fall upon deaf ears or be discounted, not so much because you are you, rather, because it is just one more phase of being a teenager.

> me and my fince are young i'm 18 and he is 21 but i am of age and we are ready to have a kid.

This same rationale is often used by post pubescent boys who have just passed thru puberty: My body is mature therefore I can have sex and impregnate a girl if I want to. WRONG on at least two premises: first, just because he can does not give license to he should; second, just because a girl has gone thru puberty and can become pregnant does not give license to she should. Why? In the latter case, what young kids fail to understand is just because a girl's reproductive organs have matured, she is ready to become pregnant--intended or accidentally. WRONG. Several more years are required for a girl's skeletal structure to fully develop sufficient to accommodate the space and movement of a baby--safely.

My point being, just because you or another girl are "of age", legally, does not give license to become pregnant. That you can does not necessarily mean you should.

Babies are cute. They are also very very expensive! Babies are also extremely demanding of your time, effort, and energy. Babies are a commitment to his/her/their parents for longer than you have been alive.

* That said, do you have insurance in place to cover your newborn? Will you??
* Do you* have the income to purchase diapers, diaper service, clothing, toys, car seats, other needed and necessary products and equipment?

* I say "you" because statistics are against people your age for maintaining a long term relationship or marriage, so you have to plan for the possibility of raising your child(ren) alone.

* The statistics are with you and the baby's father, the more education each of you has acquired. If you plan to be a college student with a baby, you should think twice about making this scenario work. If you do not plan on acquiring a college or technical education then you are simply day dreaming.

A very important phase of your development is what is known as "playing the field". This means learning to live on your own, experiencing life, traveling, learning about others by doing a lot of dating, acquiring job security and a savings account, to name a few things.

I urge the two of you to read this two-part article:
I think we are ready to live together!!
Please pay particular attention to the second part of the article: Babies are cute that follows a few posts down. I wrote the articles as food for thought.

Do you know what the definition of "luck" is? I ask because if you want to get lucky in your life, then when you have opportunities that come your way--you have to be prepared for each in advance.

I believe you should devote the majority of the next ten years to finding your place in the world as a young woman, learning about you, others--and your husband, preparing for the future financially and otherwise, traveling, acquiring a house and furniture, etc., et cetera, etc. These things done, then seriously consider becoming parents.

We hear all too often of girls complaining because they do not have the money for baby food or diapers. Even more common is that she no longer can go out and socialize with friends because her parents cannot or will not babysit and she has no money for a sitter. Will you have a car (public transportation??) money for doctors appointments? What sometimes happens is that the young inexperienced mother becomes depressed and angry.

Kudos to the young mother who does complete her college education, and manages to hold her marriage together thru all the stress. (You do not know what stress is until you have gone thru these experiences. Why put yourself in this circumstance?) The next five or six years of your life should be filled with fun as well as experiences learned.

What we try to do on this site is to "pay it forward", meaning giving others coming up thru the ranks the benefit of our experiences and knowledge in order to help make life and love easier as well as better. I urge the two of you to spend the next few years learning who you are, and developing a life as a couple long before you bring another life into what could be a life of chaos and uncertainty.

Do yourself a favor and get a tablet and work out a realistic budget for a typical week as a parent, then project the income and expenses out for a month, then a year. Include a minimum of 10% for savings, 10% for unplanned events or emergencies. Show this to your parents or another trusted adult for comment. Please read the article, above, before doing this.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Desi2010]

Sorry about the spelling. Thank you all for the tips, options, and just for taking the time to read and repliy. I have considered my finances, where we and my partner are in our relationship, schooling and it is a big step and yes SOME young adults shouldn't have kids. But its when your ready to take that step, also I have consider me and my partner never being able to have kids, now that in my option hurts just even thinking about it, buts a possibility and I have to face all the options in having a baby emotionally and physically what the affect would have to the baby's life, my life and my partners life. Don't get my wrong I am scared about having a baby but at the same time I am not cuz I know I am ready. Only you and your partner can justify if your ready or not.

[Desi2010]

Also Doc I ready the article you wanted my to read it is informal about moving in together and with children. It does make you think and I agree to it. You should think real hard about moving in and children its a big decision and shouldn't be regard carelessly. I also think that in my scenario I like I said before though about this before I even posted anything about having a baby up here

[raunchy gal]

Desi2010,we here can offer you advice to let you know what you should and shouldn't do in regard to your question.But really i'ts your decision,along with your partners.Just because you are young doesn't mean that you will not be good parents.My parents were 19&18 when they married and my mum 19 when i was born.They have now been married 45yrs and my brothers and i turned out ok.As you say you have weighed up your options and responsibilities before you even posted on here.So i say GO for it and GOOD LUCK.Have lots of fun with your partner while you are trying to conceive and remember that it might take a while to happen or might not at all.