So... Pretty sure I'm pregnant.

[llblovesejw]

Ummm....
I'm not quite sure what to do now.

Here's the rundown:
I was quite late with my monthly time, so I took a pregnancy test which came back positive (I only had one left out of a box).
I am 18.
My parents do not know I have sex.
I will not get it aborted.
I AM medically insured, but it's under my parents.

I was thinking take another box (two tests) before I actually tell my parents about the whole situation??

I don't know...
I don't see this as life ruining or anything like that, actually. It's just I have no idea where to go from here....

[sera300]

Okay let's look..you are late already & had a positive test. In truthfulness you need to get a serum test and a check up. A second home test is not going to bring you much else for an answer. Say it shows negative? It is meaningless since you are late & had a positive one. I assume you did follow the directions well. You need a serum pregnancy test to be done.

You have already made a choice, which is good as far as wishing to go through with the pregnancy. Before you talk to mom & dad; have you told your b/f? What has he said? Is he you age or older? And did either consider marriage? Are you planning on adoption or raising the baby? I ask since you need to know where you stand on these issues before you go to your parents; otherwise, you will end up confused.

If he decides he wants nothing to do with the baby; are you planning on adoption or keeping the child? Who is the one which will be taking care of your child while you are at work? Think about this for a day...one day, will not disturb your parents any more. However, realize you need to get a positive blood test done & prenatal care ASAP so depending on when this pregnancy occurred make certain you get to the MD & tell your parents.

They are going to be upset; however, realize they will understand, they may not like what has happened but they will understand.

Be certain you take no medications, vitamins, or supplements either until you see the MD; I would say you need to talk to your parents ASAP.

[llblovesejw]

My boyfriend was the one who actually noticed I was late in the first place. I told him it was positive about five minutes after I took it. He wants it very much, he's just worried about money since I am still in college with no job yet and he only works at Wal-Mart, though a very well-paying position for the place (well-paying for walmart doesn't particularly mean well-paying in general...) We plan on getting married, but at our own pace. It's our shared philosophy that you can be a good parent without being married.

I know my mom will understand because she got pregnant at 17 while in high school, but I know that while that helps her understand it will just make her all the more disappointed because she didn't want me to end up like that.

About taking care of a baby, I go to school during the day while he works at night, so even if we had to do it on our own, we could "manage". Fortunately, I know both of our parents would really help us out. I'm sure that's irresponsible, but I'd rather ask for help from family than put my kid at risk...

[sera300]

I can understand the not wanting to rush into marriage; you need to do what is best for your child ultimately now.

It sounds as if you have supportive parents & both are lucky on this part. Honestly, I would sit them down together in the same room and tell them as a couple. It's one matter to have a child & ask for family to help v. dumping the responsibility on them. No one minds helping out--trust me. Especially if you are trying to get a life together under such circumstances. However, I would say go out and get married. You marry the man of your baby for reasons & you need to find a job to help with costs. Be certain to continue college, you may have to take time off, but you can return--even part-time nights.

It's time to be a full adult and take on the responsibility of all this. Additionally think about it, when you are out of college, where is your health insurance coming from and your baby's? You are no longer, after the birth, a dependant on your parents. You are a emancipated minor if 17 at the time of the child's birth. After that; you are running out of time to be on your parents plan, so your child is not covered under your parents. Additionally, people do marry for right reasons...more so when a child is involved. You need to both provide security & a loving home for a baby. This is an obligation.

Let us know how you are making out...talk to mom & dad ASAP. Get a Gyn appointment now!

Originally Posted by llblovesejw

My boyfriend was the one who actually noticed I was late in the first place. I told him it was positive about five minutes after I took it. He wants it very much, he's just worried about money since I am still in college with no job yet and he only works at Wal-Mart, though a very well-paying position for the place (well-paying for walmart doesn't particularly mean well-paying in general...) We plan on getting married, but at our own pace. It's our shared philosophy that you can be a good parent without being married.

I know my mom will understand because she got pregnant at 17 while in high school, but I know that while that helps her understand it will just make her all the more disappointed because she didn't want me to end up like that.

About taking care of a baby, I go to school during the day while he works at night, so even if we had to do it on our own, we could "manage". Fortunately, I know both of our parents would really help us out. I'm sure that's irresponsible, but I'd rather ask for help from family than put my kid at risk...

[sera300]

I thought through a few things...if you have been together as a couple for a while & are in love. You go out get married, find a small apartment which you can both afford. You work as does he. You finish college in between, work opposite shifts so you are not dependant strictly on parents for child care, ask them to fill in. When you finish college, he starts, and works.

Now, is the time to grow up fast unfortunately. Just realize, if he is a good man, is good to you, and will be a good father--marry. Be a family and set goals for yourselves. Save your money, what you can, take care of your baby. Many have done this for years, this was just unexpected so soon; it does not mean doom & failure. It will be what you both choose to make of it. No big wedding, just elope, and ask if people wish to give you a wedding gift, it be something you both can use in a household.

Continue to advance yourselves and grow together as you raise your child. It works, if you both work at it, it's the commitment you make to your child & a marriage. Those around you will be supportive.

[smallestoftheclan]

You never know, you might be fighting off grandparents who want to care for their grandchild. Let your family and friends help as much as they want. And if you need help don't be afraid to ask, and don't be hurt if they say no or they can't. When someone is able to help say thank you, every time say thank you. Let them all know, from you and him, that what they do for you is appreciated. You will hear yes more often because those that help will realize that they are appreciated and who does not want to be appreciated?

Good Luck in whatever you both decide.

[llblovesejw]

I think the biggest obstacle will be my parents...
I have a feeling his parents will be far more understanding than mine. His parents love me and are more accepting than mine. It doesn't help that my boyfriend thinks my parents already hate him. I don't think they do, though this situation may be a deciding factor...

So I was wondering how I should possibly tell them? Should he be there to show that he's involved and supportive or should he not be there so my mom doesn't kill him?...

[sera300]

First of all worrying about the situation is the least of your concerns, heck elope. You made a choice on what you wish to do--go through with the pregnancy. I would be very clear on what your game plan is for your future, with him included.

1-Have the baby and go to an adoption agency.
2-Have your baby and raise it with a)him involved as father b)you plan to raise the child alone.

From what you have said; it sounds as if this is something you are going to do together. I do suggest if you have been together a while and are compatible, marry. Why marriage? This protects all three of you and allows you to be a family.

You and he need to demonstrate to both family's that you are ready to be parents and a couple. This means you both discuss what exactly your plans are; how, when, and how you both plan to go on with you lives together. Now you both need to put your child first, not your parents. Through demonstrating this you will get further with your family's. The last thing they will want to hear [other than you are pregnant] is; "We don't know yet". You and your baby will need health insurance and you need to seek a job. You also need to plan how you will finish college. Many women [and the men] have gone through such. Realize, you will no longer be able to be on your parents health insurance when the baby is born & yet you cannot go uninsured. This is one reason why I suggest you do marry & it helps to decrease overall expenses for you both. I do assume you both are in love and did not want this outcome but are not devastated by it. Meanwhile, I do realize he works at Walmart, they do have good coverage for health if married. Also your state should have a CHIPS program [Child Health Insurance Programs] which are low cost if not offered free. It's based on your income level. You need to demonstrate to both sets of parents you have a plan. I say elope.

As far as telling them? First, I would get to the GYN ASAP! Be certain you have a diagnosis of pregnancy [no a urine test & being late is not enough]. Additionally, beginning prenatal care is a must, the sooner the better and you need to confirm the date of conception and the expected delivery date. I would do this first.

I would sit down with both sets of parents together. Personally, I would have both sets of your parents together and you both tell them together at the same time. No one is going to be over joyed; however, one may have common sense to the situation & they may be better controlled if everyone is in the same room together. If you and he come off with a definitive plan & are supportive of each other it will show them they are over reacting. BUT get the blood test & exam done first, now. As I said; you can elope as well. This does not mean you must reside together immediately; you need to find a place to make a home.

Only you know what you both want & what your relationship is. Always, keep in mind the baby comes first...and regardless of parental upset over the situation will not be healthy for you or the baby. I have known couples in the same situation as you; they married very young secondary to pregnancy & now are still happily married. Remember; you both have to have common life goals. How do you both plan to advance yourselves together, in careers, and raise a child. Let your family help if they are willing to help with child care. The initial shock wears off when they realize this is real & a serious matter. Yes, they will be upset but it will wear off fast. What are they going to do? Lock you both in your rooms? And yes, his parents may feel differently about you for a while. He needs to stand up for you and his child and you need to do the same. Do not allow others to rule your life.

Again, see your Gyn and confirm the pregnancy, begin your prenatal care, talk to him about life in general how you plan to proceed since he is the father, and talk to your parents when you decide how you choose to go about handling this. Have definitive answers for your parents...not "We are not sure yet". It's done, so now stand up since you will be a Mother soon.

Keep us posted, good luck, and be healthy.

[sera300]

After some more thought if I were a parent this would be my reaction to a 17 y/o daughter [realize I have professionally dealt with situations as you are in], I would ask:
1-How did you get youself in this situation [other than obviously having sex], Did you not use birth control? Did it fail? What were you thinking? How did you allow this to happen [you, not him]?
2-How do you plan on dealing with this?
3-I would attempt to talk my child out of raising a child at your age.
4-What about your future?
5-What do you plan to do [both of you]?

I would have concerns about have you seen a doctor yet? Are you taking care of yourself and your baby?

What can I do to help?

Too often I have delivered a baby to young women who "did not know they were pregnant" and EVERY parents response [while crying] to this is; "Why did she just not tell me?, "I would have understood and helped". "She did not trust me enough to tell me the truth", followed by; "Please tell me she and the baby are okay & healthy". Next is; "If I had only known, I knew something was not right but she denied being ill". Be certain to talk to them soon.

Demonstrate:
1-You have sought medical care already and he is involved.
2-You both have talked in depth as a couple as to life and all options.
3-How you both are going to raise/support your child.
4-How you plan to be supportive of each other.
5-Have a financial plan.
6-Have a life plan.

Expect to hear: "You are ruining your lives".

[llblovesejw]

Another thing is that I don't have a gynecologist....

I want to tell my parents so my mom can help guide me through this because I know she has regular GYN checkups, so she must have a reliable doctor. I just want things to go normally and the baby to be healthy, so I want to see a doctor as soon as possible.

I just think the support of my mom would really help me too.. I want her there to help me through all the doctor stuff. I don't know. I'm not particularly afraid to admit I'm damn scared. I have no idea what I'm doing. My mom's been through this 3 times though and I know in the end she loves me and would like to be there for me..