When I have sex I like to ask the girl what is pleasing her, and what she likes to have done to her, or what if I am doing feels good etc. Sometimes I feel right asking the girl but there's also times where I feel like I might come off as unsure of myself, or like I might not know what I am doing. I don't want to do something she isn't enjoying though. I also do follow the body language and read the non-verbal communication though, of course.
So does it bother a women if a guy is asking what feels good during sex? Is it a good or bad thing if I ask?
Whilst inside me, it would be disconcerting. Wait until later and then ask/tell what was good and what could be improved. If it really rings her chimes, you will know it!
Please be advised that some women will say anything before, during, and afterwards, just to get you to shut up or go away. After all, no one likes the Inquisition. Constant asking is also a sign of insecurity.
But murmuring "mmmm you like that" while doing something that WORKS! for her - that is something else altogether. You can do that but not too often.
As always - be guided by her actions and reactions and leave the words for another time.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;247828]Please be advised that some women will say anything before, during, and afterwards, just to get you to shut up or go away. After all, no one likes the Inquisition. Constant asking is also a sign of insecurity.
But murmuring "mmmm you like that" while doing something that WORKS! for her - that is something else altogether. You can do that but not too often.
As always - be guided by her actions and reactions and leave the words for another time.[/QUOTE]
That's what I usually do. I'll whisper things and while we're having sex ask if that feels good and if she likes what I am doing. I never ask too many questions.
All in all, I do get timid if I want to go into a certain position and I'm not sure if she'll like or comply with it. I guess you never know till you try though!
You will notice that what I used as an example is NOT a question.
Paying close attention will save you from having to ask any questions.
Being timid is a total turn-off so just 'assume' that she'll be interested but move on to doing something else should she decides No.
Take note of what she said No to and any pertinent circumstances; edit your process as you go along.
PLEASE READ THE ARTICLE LISTED IN THE INDEX PERTAINING TO "IMPLIED CONSENT", THEN INCORPORATE IT INTO WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH AND FOR HER.
In fact, please read all of the articles. Knowledge is empowering.
This thread demonstrates why I prefer women partners - we "just know" with each other.
Naah! Nothing's more absolutely attractive than the 'gravitas' of a fully-grown adult male!
Esp when he's beneath my paws.
Pay close enough attention and you will not have to ask.
Become unbridled, ladies, and the question "do you like this" will never even arise.
Brandye are those your boobs? Just wondering...
And I personally LOVE it when my boy asks if I like what he's doing. It gets him to talk, and his voice sounds SO sexy, and I have to respond, so I moan more. Just make sure you ask her in a sexy voice!
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;249770]Pay close enough attention and you will not have to ask.[/QUOTE]
Two thumbs up! :)
If the man, and/or woman for all that goes...is in "tune" with his/her partner, you'll know if he/she is enjoying what ever it is you're doing.
Just like to add...communication is a very, make that extremely, important part in having great sex!
[QUOTE=Brandye;247863]This thread demonstrates why I prefer women partners - we "just know" with each other.[/QUOTE]
Can you really blame us for not having vaginas?
One way only my friend. Virgina -> Anus. Never Anus -> Virgina, you can give her UTI by doing that.
"Gspot Specialist"- Please stop posting bad/irrelevant posts.
Maybe it's the kind of guy I am, but I've never had to ask, I've always been with women who let me know, either verbally, "yes, like that, keep doing that" or "faster, harder, slower", stuff like that, or vocally but not verbally, with moans, sighs, etc., or by taking my hand and just moving it to where she wanted it. It's nice that way--she tells me without my having to ask!
Michael
After 10 years together I never have to ask what she likes, but she has never been verbal. Unfortunately I am extremely auditory centric (often can't come unless she asks me to).
She makes deeply restrained noises when she comes, but pretty much bites her lips as much as possible.
I don't know what to do in this regard. She gets that it is important to me and willing to make the necessary verbage to get me off, but that is all. Now that we have kids in the house I think it is all the more excuse for her to keep the noise to a minimum.
Assuming quantity and quality of her orgasms isn't the problem, anybody have any other ideas?
The Program is a sticky post found elsewhere in this forum will help solve a great many problems - including this one.
I have followed your advice with vigor EEK, she says she uncomfortable with all that attention on her body (she is intimacy centric), and again, orgasm quantity (and I can only assume quality) isn't a problem.
I haven't given up hope (or trying) but I've just been forced to largely accept my wife for the reserved prude she is. I am just trying to focus on maintaining the quality of our sex to the degree possible. I fear she will be one of those "sex is for young people" people by the time she is fifty.
I love her to death, but I wished we matched up better sexually.
I don't like talking during sex. It makes me feel awkward. Idk, I just don't think of talking during the act. Most of the time, I'm at a loss for words. But, I have absolutely no problem talking about the good and the bad, afterwords. =)
Okay, so WHY is she uncomfortable with all of that attention - doesn't she think she's worthy of it or does she think she's ugly or too fat or something? Perhaps she hasn't yet heard "It is the person, not the packaging, that matters." Although you're stroking her skin, exciting her, releasing her phernomes, which you subconciously receive and get excited by: you are still communicating with the person inside.
why would a woman run away from such a thrill with the man she loves?
It's comfort thing. She needs something to hold on to (literally and figuratively). She doesn't like feeling so insecure.
Again, she is a prude by nature. I'm fighting the fact that she is just basically a concervative personality.
There is definately a lot to be said for being self-conscious about her body. I've done whatever I can to reassure and build up her confidence. She's lovely, but she is one that developed early as a girl and doesn't like being viewed as a sex object.
At age 11, I was 5' 9" tall with a 36" chest. Developed early, you say?
Viewing me as a sex object? Do you have sex with objects? I don't and since I scare men half-to-death most of the time, I don't think they view me as an object either. Would be a dangerous thing to do with a dominatrix.
She sounds like me. I'll moan and stuff, but it's rarely that loud. And when it gets really intense I often push him away, despite his efforts to take me to the next level.
I'm not sure exactly what it is. I know some is self-consciousness over being overheard, especially in an apartment building with a 70 year old widow living in the next apartment. Some of it is not wanting to be selfish--a kind of 'okay now its your turn, I don't want to neglect you' syndrome.
And, if I'm honest, some of it is probably "okay so what if I DO get to that next level? What will my response look like and will it freak him, me, us, out?"
Having said all that, we almost always do a debrief afterwords.
We continue to talk about it pretty openly. I think I've moved past her concerns that she's under pressure to perform or reciprocate whatever I do to her. She trusts me completely and I've never pushed the boundaries beyond reasonable expectations.
She also knows she'd never freak me out, but I think there is a (legitimate) concern that any change she makes will be pressured to be perminant. And that comes across like I want her to change personally (I don't know if that is really the case or not).
Overall I think it is just who she is. As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, there may not be a sexual dynamo in her. She really just wants our sex life to be safe and predictable. She values comfort over pleasure. It's important to keep things 'neat-n-tidy' for lack of a better term.