I know lots of people have different opinions on cohabitation, but my situation is very complicated. My story starts out when I started dating my bf, my parents are very religious and do not want anything to do with people that live with their partners before marriage, but I never thought they would disown their own daughter and take there religion over her.
I am the 2nd oldest of 13 siblings and I grew up in a very strict family and was taught that my family would always be there for me, but I was wrong. My bf and I decided to live together b/c it would be a lot cheaper financially and instead of sneaking around with this secret I decided to come clean and tell my parents what I was doing, knowing that the outcome would be bad, but didnt want to live a lie so I came out and told them.
They werent happy...as expected, but they went to the extremes of cut me off health insurance, car insurance, cell phone plan and they are refusing to fill out my FAFSA (which was the only way they were helping me thru school) and they turned the WHOLE family against me. Keep in mind that I am 19 years old and am a full time student working part time. They told me I had a choice, my bf or my family.
I chose my bf and I know that sounds bad but there is a lot more to the story, I was brought up in a very abusive way, there was a lot of verbal abuse that I went through and a lot of neglegence because I was different from the rest of the kids in my family...I thought on my own and made my own decisions and since my parents did not like the fact that they couldnt control me anymore they took the last thing away and that was...contact with my siblings.
There is a lot more to the situation than this, and I know this is not revolved around the sex issue, but i just wanted to throw this out there to get some opinions on whether you guys think this is right or not. I'll add more info later after i receive comments. Thanks
Uh... just a guess, but are u Morman? 13 siblings.... eeesh....
It's good to know that your b/f's family is supportive of y'all. It's a sad thing when you can't depend on your own family, but it looks like you have been adopted into another family.
Hope everything works out for you.
Hey sweetheart. Sounds like a rough time of it. I am twenty and just now moving in with my boyfriend... parents are going to find out soon. Your story absolutely broke my heart. Parents mean well, I really think they do, but sometimes, they don't express it in the way they should. After all, they aren't perfect, even if they like to think they are. What your parents are doing to you is wrong. It's just that simple. Don't ever give up who you are for people who don't respect you. I don't have much advice, other than to keep your chin up and stay strong. I wish I had something less cliche to offer, but I can't think of much. I hope your situation gets better. Keep us updated. *hugs*
Thanks for all the support, at this point I have been standing on my own two feet and have not once regretted my decision of choosing my bf over family. The only people supporting me right now is my bfs family and theyhelped out bytaking over my car insurance while i am in school, which i am very grateful for. There isnt much contact with my family at all at this point, my grandma did call me and told me that my parents told her not to invite to christmas this year so i will be making my way over to spend it with a family that does love me, so thats where things are kind of sitting now. thanks again for the comments i appreciate them.
First of all, TWELVE siblings!! WOW As an only child, that's just incredible to me. I can see why being cut off from them would be hard for you.
I also had a very strict (although not overly religious) upbringing. I was raised by my grandparents. My grandmother is a very controlling person. I can still remember the first time I disagreed with her in a matter of importance for my life. It wasn't pretty, but I stuck to my guns, and I've not looked back. I am the only member of my family not to have asked for help in any way. My mom and aunt were consistantly being bailed out of some problem, and even my cousins have been needy. Because I haven't, I gained respect.
The way I see this; because you have decided to live with your boyfriend, they are going to treat you like you are married to someone they don't approve of. No more financial or family support. They think this will teach you a lesson and you will have to come back to them for help. They think they are doing this out of love, but it's really spite. Wally's right, it's bullsnot.
There are some questions you need to ask yourself. Can you make it without their support? Are you willing to work full time and go to school part time if you must? Can you provide on your own, or do without, cell phone, health insurance, etc? Is your boyfriend going to be supportive? Think everything through in as much detail as you can. Make a plan.
I think you CAN do it. I hope you come to the same conclusion. If you go back to your parents, it will be the same all over again. Show them that you can make your own decisions, and maybe they will come to respect that and see you as an adult, and not a possession. Be strong.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Good words to live by.
I rarely give hugs on a forum, but this is will be an exception, because you deserve one. You're right, of course, your post is not about sex. But a lot of posts that talk about sex aren't about sex anyway.
Generally accepted thinking seems to be that families are somehow obligated to be loving and "do the right thing," when - in fact - families are often the worst support group, particularly as we grow into (hopefully) independent adults.
The tragedy gets doubled when we grieve (sometimes for years) over the fact that our family does not act the way we want them to act.
The key lies, I think, in your observation that you suffered abuse and neglect. It is a sin (let's use religious terms) that many so called "religious" people use their religion as the basis for control - and as you wisely have seen, your parents are not going to gracefully give up one ounce of control over you. What's worse, probably, is that they are not likely to accept the fact that they can't have control over you.
The want financial control (FAFSA), physical control (living arrangements), and emotional control (cutting of siblings) of you. Unfortunately, their rule is "all or nothing." What they do not see is that being controlled is ultimately a choice made by the "victim" (talk to a POW - and that's not as far out an analogy as it might seem at first). That they do this in the name of religion is blasphemy.
I wish I could tell you that they will "come around," but it is highly unlikely.
If I could make just one change in your situation it would be a relatively easy one, because it is one you do have power over. Don't look at this as choosing your bf. Look at this as choosing yourself.
Interestingly, much religion is based on a misguided practice of "self-denial." That is why your parents have taken their religion over their daughter, they receive some weird sense of satisfaction and worthiness that they have "denied all" for the cause. They can now wail that they have lost their daughter and proven their faith. After all, persecution is surely a sign of the faithful. A good theological term for that is "bulls**t."
Congratulations - you haven't bought it.