Hi everyone. I am new to this board, but not message boards in general. I have been looking for a proper place to vent my frustrations and concerns. I am married to a great guy. He's 47 and I'm 32... We've been together 13 yrs and married for 11. I'm certain when we got together and for some years following, our sex life was satisfactory. We never did it more than say 2 or 3 times a day and maybe 3 to 5 times a week we'd go like that. (I hear of men and women orgasming up to 5 or many more times a day..never has happened to us?!) Now, we probably have sex about evey other day, but it's usually the usual. I have talked to him at great lengths about my displeasure and boredom in the bedroom. For the record, I speak carefully, knowing I can induce 'preformance anxiety' if I'm too critical. I want it more, I want it more passionatly, and not to be 'tossed' at me like an afterthought to end our day. I'm amazed at how great all aspects of our relationship still is after all these years, especially with the age gap. I love this man and can see being with him forever. However if I don't get some knock out no holds barred, crazy hot sex, I may be driven to cheat. I'd give (almost-maybe!!) anything to have that wild eyed look in someone's face.
I'm tired of him asking what do you want me to do. Surprise me is the answer! And yes, I do both, tell him what to do and sometimes tell him to think it up himself. I know I'm in my prime and he is past his. I know he'd never cheat and would do anything I want him to do. But I can't talk him thru it each night. I've tried it all...sexy clothes, massages for him, quiet time for us, sexy talk, etc etc. We communicate well, we are not having trouble anywhere else, and if you asked him he'd say we have fabulous sex, no need to improve. I'm bored to tears. Not sure what to do. Any insight is appreciated. Thanks....
Sun, 10/17/2004 - 17:43
#1
Cheating
I am having the same thing right now. I am 43 and so is my wife. My wifes sex drive is low at best and mine is still very high. I have tried everything too but it nothing worked. I simply repressed my drive and worked a lot. I love my wife very much. I travel for business a lot and have always been a good boy until a few month ago. I meet a woman who sounds just like you. So you know it is true there are men and woman who can have orgasms more than 5 times in a night. I have a very hard cheating on my wife, but the sex with my new freind is off the charts. Its more than that though, it is being desired. I can only tell you that for me it wrong but I haven't felt this alive in years.
I can also say that I would rather it be my wife who I am having wild sex with.
You need to sit with your partner and have a very tough talk and try to fix it before you go down the road I am on
Ps I don't actually experience you as complaining. If I were your hubby....I would be pleased that you want to keep making things better and to prolong a good thing and not allow my sexuality to just dry up like some women do their men.
You are in a dedicated relationship with this man and you both should be able to solicit each others point of view and
state your opinions. It is a partnership. When so many people would slough off your relationship as a younger girl who is only with him for the money....I applaud your dedication to making both you're world a better place.
eDJ
He is in a position so many men his age would give anything to be in. He has a young willing wife and everything is well
in your relationship. Yet at 47 he is close to 29 years from his prime and you are just beginning to feel your coming "sexual tsunami" which women get by their late thirties early fourties.(and only then begin to really understand that testosterone their boyfriends were full of, back in their first date years when they were sweet 16)
Can you understand why the Viagra pill has become the rage it has? At his age he is running low on the big "T" at a time you need it the most. I'm not really sure he is ready for it
at this time, and I don't know that much about Viagra or the potencies it is made in. Perhaps just a low horsepower version
would be all he needs.
I don't know what his occupation involves, whether it is labor intensive or sedentary. Do you both exercise? Consider working out together at a gym? Guys tend to perk back up when they get fit. They also find themselves stimulated by a fit and trim lady who can resemble what turned his head in earlier times.(a little research maybe to what the hot girls of the mid sixties to mid eighties looked like..how they dressed wore their hair etc) This would have been the time frame his young mind and body was finding its sexual identity in. Retro
makeover perhaps.(offer him the chance to dress you the way he would like to see you) Let him choose the ear rings, perfume, lipstick etc and get him directly involved in your look.
His ideas may be quite different than yours about what appeals to him.(it is a trun on for many men...consider wigs of different color and style..there are inexpensive ones at places like: DJ's fashions & beauty supply ) LOL, Honest I don't own this business, but Google list many such places to look at wigs.
Could you imagine being dressed up to look like a totaly different person, then telling him where to pick you up and having him driving up and down the street trying to figure out which girl you were? Then try to pick you up even? Make it fun, keep it fresh and things should work out both of you.
And laugh some. (if you don't do much of it...visit some comedy clubs)
Just some thoughts. People do from time to time just grow weary of each other...so give each other your space. With what you have presented...I can only guess.
eDJ
Good reply and you're most likely correct with most of what you say. Focusing on what's not is easy. Making due with what you have is harder, no doubt. I enjoy the opinions of others and if anyone has felt this restless feeling and lived to tell about it...lol... I like hearing that too.
I do wish my sex life had more zip, but yes, much of the rest of my life is darn near perfect. One could say I have some nerve even complaining... but it's an open forum, right? ;)
Looks like a pretty cool place to hang out anyway... so here I am. Thanks for the reply ~
My reply to this will seem a bit off the wall to many no doubt.
I'd REALLY like a million dollars. I've tried everything... if I don't get it soon I think I'll rob a bank...
Silly, but an attempt to make the point that "you can't always get what you want." Sometimes the answer lies in learning to enjoy and appreciate what you do have. If the focus is only on what's missing (the million dollars), the million dollars becomes even more important...
I'm quite sure there will be a number of people who will enjoy analyzing this situation... there will be many questions (does he/she masterbate seems to be a favorite LOL)... and many suggestions (in spite of the fact that you've posted that you've tried it all)... perhaps some of it will be helpful.
But when you come right down to it, some times things just are. If you focus on what's missing, you'll only miss it more.
By the way, I've never orgasmed five times in one day. But I also rarely count so maybe I have. :-)
Your quest is certainly not wrong; that's not my implication. My point is only to keep your desire in perspective and not let it control you.