To start, my family is very very close, and more important to me than anything.
So what can I do to get rid of the feeling like someone will be disappointed in me if I do anything remotely sexual? I'm not planning on having sex until marriage, but even doing things with my hand or his fingers makes me feel a mixture of pleasure and immense guilt because of how I was raised.
Has anyone else had to overcome this? Is it practically a complex?
Thank you for reading!
I may not be a girl, but I was raised in a heavily religious environment. There is no real way to overcome the guilt than to just enjoy the pleasure and don't think about it. Remember, it is YOUR body, not your parents', and sure as hell not your priest's. Masturbation is a very healthy, and in my opinion, vital form of exploring your sexuality. As far as letting him touch you and such, that is up to you. Whatever you are comfortable with, you can do. You DO NOT have to feel guilty about your sexuality unless it is hurting someone, and if you are the same age and ready, it is not hurting either of you.
Welcome to the world of balance. You have to decide what is right for you, the Church should only serve as an institution which issues guidelines which they deem appropriate. It does not mean it's appropriate for you. How do you rid yourself of the guilt? You put it in perspective, it does not dictate your life and I do not believe God is that unforgiving or unkind as religion forces us to believe. I understand your position, but ultimately it is your life and what you do is your choice, no religion or institution can decide what is best for you.