So here's the scoop. I've got a girl who I've been dating for quite some time now. We've messed around, and despite how much we've done, I never seem to be able to get her off. Please, don't respond telling me to "listen to her" or "pay attention to how she reacts" because despite any amount of fingering/licking, she's completely unresponsive. Therein lies the problem. If it doesn't feel good, she doesn't tell me... so it goes from bad to worse, and if it does feel good, she doesn't react like it does thus making me guess when it IS good for her. All I really have to go off of is how engorged her genitals are, and how wet she is... But that can only tell me so much. So basically, whenever we mess around its probably a crappy experience for her. This problem is depressing for me because I ultimately love to please.
So then we tried hitting the homerun. It was her first time, but definately not mine (I've had pleanty of experiences with other girls, all of whom had more orgasms than I did each session, so I pretty well know what I'm doing). I tried out the missionary position, maybe that was a bad first choice? It was a disaster. Because I couldn't feel how wet she was with the condom on, it got to the point were I was rubbing her raw I think, and she didn't tell me that it hurt until it the pain was unbearable and she asked to stop. Of course I stopped, and made it clear that the next time it hurts, she should tell me right away.
Now I'm afraid that she has this awfull idea of what sex is like, and she's going to convince herself that it's not good each successive time we have sex. Which in turn, will make it so that her mind never lets her fully enjoy what a pleasure sex can be.
So when it comes down to it, I have a few questions:
What is probably a guarenteed idea to make it great for her? Yea... I know... "every girl is different". Just give some suggestions, ladies, that you think would be a probable fix.
How can I get her to be more open and respond to the things we do? I'm afraid if I comfront her and ask her to be more resposive, that she'll start faking it.
Could her not enjoying it be because it was just her first time?
If I try lifting her legs up, and making her roll her hips, will it increase the stimulation of my thrusts on her g-spot?
Anything else you'd like to say?
Fri, 03/02/2007 - 23:56
#1
The Case of a Difficult Girlfriend
Well, I can only speak for myself-- lots of oral and massaging the g-spot while you are there, and while you are touching the g-spot use your other hand to gently rub my lower abdomen....feels even better! Lots of kissing especially when you are inside of me. Hmmm...the easiest position for me to be in to hit the g-spot or guarantee an orgasm is missionary but with my legs DOWN. It's easier for me to control how much I can tighten up and squeeze around you.
As far as finding out what feels good, start talking during sex...ask "does this feel good when I do this?" (You can fill in the spots)
[QUOTE=sera300;169277]Hmmm...the easiest position for me to be in to hit the g-spot or guarantee an orgasm is missionary but with my legs DOWN. It's easier for me to control how much I can tighten up and squeeze around you.(You can fill in the spots)[/QUOTE]
I'd agree with you on that, but she's highly inexerienced, so basically any pleasure she receives will be coming from what I do. So would it be better to lift her legs up so I can put more pressure on her g-spot? Or would that not really work out?
What if you slide her to the end of the bed, put her legs up, and you can also do come stimulation of the clitoris?
I guess one thing I don't get here is; okay, I understand she is not experienced but it sounds as if she has no interest. I see your trying nearly everything possible to keep her feeling good but she's doing nothing to help herself here. I think I find this most bothersome & yet it's only a matter of time before you get really tired of the apathy. Not trying to be critical just lending an outside opinion. Is she like this in the relationship?
[QUOTE=sera300;169325]I guess one thing I don't get here is; okay, I understand she is not experienced but it sounds as if she has no interest. I see your trying nearly everything possible to keep her feeling good but she's doing nothing to help herself here. I think I find this most bothersome & yet it's only a matter of time before you get really tired of the apathy. Not trying to be critical just lending an outside opinion. Is she like this in the relationship?[/QUOTE]
Well, I've thought this angle out already. We're very deeply committed in our relationship, and she is interested in what we're doing, she's just shy. I've asked her friends what she thinks about what we do, and I've gotten no complaints in return, in fact they claim that she is interested in "doing stuff" as one said.
Also, I asked her before our first time if she was 100% sure, without a doubt, that she wanted to do "this", and she in fact said a very convincing yes.
No criticism taken.
Does she even masturbate? Once you've had an orgasm, you do tend to want more of them. So the question is, does she have them? Has she given herself permission to enjoy sex and sex with you? If she has, then she shouldn't be shy. If she continues being shy, then she's not comfortable with something. TALK to her and do not let her get away with not being open with you.