I know alot of people hate newbie topics so im trying to make this as painless as possible for you all but i would appriciate some feedback!
So im about to turn 21 (im a guy), Ive been with my gf for just over a month shes 23. We had sex pretty early on in the relationship, which neither of us wanted but due to horniness etc etc we ended up having sex even thought we said we wanted to wait. The trouble is that time i didnt last long and each time we have tried since then i havent lasted long or havent been able to stay hard long enough to penitrate. I am by no means inexperienced, ive slept with 18 different females with no trouble.
I tell her and myself 2 things that i see being factors. The girl i i first slept with cheated on me with one of my best friends. And I havent been in what i call a serious relationship ever.although i thought the cheating on me didnt f*** me up i somehow think it did. since then the other 17 partners have been meaningless so staying hard lasting ages whatever hasnt been a problem, now there is this girl who i am falling head over heels for shes awesome i love being with her and all of that. I just cant please her how i want to, am i winding myself up because the last relationship i was in i was cheated on?
shes says that she thinks im not into her, but i am soooo into her its untrue. everytime this shit happens it gets worse, we have had one good session which both of us loved i just need/want more of those and i dont know the easiest way to relax myself.
for the record it seems to have been everytime that we have tried to have sex at night it hasnt worked, but during the day it has. Whats also annoying is that everytime it happens it takes another chunk out of my esteem, im not normally a low self esteem guy but theres only soo much i can take.
any advice.
My personal thought is that its a mental problem because physically ive had plenty of sex i have no trouble gaining or keeping an errection in other circumstances.
im tearing my hair out
thankyou both for your responses. Both of which i have taken note of.
thetease13 the thought of nerves had crossed my mind and was one thing that i thought it might be, im glad im thinking along the same line as others. because i am nervous around her and i do want it to be incredible for her which i know i am capable of. but its as if the nerves just kill everything in my body and leave me there looking like an idiot
monie with regards to what you said i also considered whether it would be best that we just try to not have sex for a while i know that wont probably wont go over well with her but i guess i can ask and find out.
I can only give you a "shell" of a response right now, cause I'm tired and my brain isnt exactly at full capacity...
It definitely sounds to me like a mental problem. Sounds like in the past you regarded sex, and the women you had it with, as something that ultimately did not matter. You didnt care about them at all, which possibly made sex so easy because most of what you were in for was your pleasure. (Keep in mind I'm going off what I got from your post, I'm not trying to bash you or anything).
However, now you care about this woman you are with. All of a sudden, the sex matters, and so does the woman you are having it with. You are probably having a hard time making and dealing with that change.
The best advice that I can think of is to hold off on the sex for a while. I know, its hard, but it may help. That way, you can focus on your relationship with her and your feelings towards each other. Once those develop more, then slowly re-introduce sex to your relationship. This might help you be able to associate sex as something you do with someone you care about, for both your and her pleasure .
I hope that made sense. If not, perhaps someone with more than a half a brain can come in and elaborate on it for me.
We don't really knock newbies around here. We're generally willing to help. It's when you get repeated topics (like, is my penis size ok?) that we get annoyed. lol.
Anyways.
Take in mind that what I'm about to say is just my opinion. I'm no expert here.
I don't think your problem is really much of a dwelling on your past problem. I definately don't think it's physical (although it could be to some extent). I do however think it's a bit of a mental problem.
Sometimes when you care for someone so much, you can get extremely nervous around them. You want to please them so much that your mind starts to freak out about it and shuts the rest of you down. That would account for the not being able to stay hard thing.
As for the coming to quickly sometimes, it can be just the opposite of nerves. You're so excited you're getting to do this with someone you care about, that your emotions just kinda take over and well, explode. lol.
But again, that's just my thoughts.
I'm sure others will have their input as well.