I had the problem of putting the condom on and my errection dying too (not completely but enough so it wouldnt go in. we are both virgins so i needed to b hard for it to go in.)

what you must remember is that your girlfriend loves you and so understands that this is new to you and will wait until you are ready.

I'm also new to sex. When me and my girlfriend tried for the first time, the above situation happened.

I think maybe 1 reason for it not going in is positioning, can anybody recommend a position for first time sex?

i would say just carry on foreplay for a long time. Get her to play with you a full erection won't happen from nothing. The problem with condoms i dnt kno i have had this issue with guys but it always disappeared over time i guess just relaxed and we tried diff things. Don't be tempted not to use them just so can have sex. anything else can try help you with?

> she finally wanted sex and the problem is i cant get hard and its embarrassing as hell! we'll go at it makin out and touchin ... but for some reason i cant get hard and im worried shes gonna think im pathetic and just forget about sex for quite some time

"Worried" about whatever is the key. You are "suffering" from a common maladay known as "Performance Anxiety". No kidding, this is a real problem in which we become our own worst enemy because of worry and angst. The cure as simplistic as it may sound is to stop worrying. When you do, the situation will correct itself.

> > I think maybe 1 reason for it not going in is positioning, can anybody recommend a position for first time sex?

Yes. This is a matter that has been discussed many times, mainly by me. Here's the deal: First, very few positions permit the woman's body and the man's body to have the constant ongoing contact necessary in order to generate and build the required stimulation. Secondly, because it is her body that will be subjected to the pressure of a penis attempting to enter, and the vaginal opening stretching to accommodate, plus the trauma (if any) associated with tearing the hymen, the "Woman Superior" position is recommended for the first time or so. The possition has the following benefits:

In this position, the man reclines on his back face up. The woman straddles his body facing him. She can squat, kneel, and/or rest on her hands or forearms, whichever works for her. The reason this position is so good and why it is recommended by many sexperts is because it places her in complete control. She knows where her vaginal opening is, where his penis is, so can easily bring the two together without fumbling. In addition, if she has an intact hymen, she can position the tip of the penis against it, either along side between the membrane and the vaginal wall or over the largest opeining if it has more than one. Just doing this will often lessen the discomfort when the penis is pushed past it.

Additional advantages of this position are that when entry is attempted, she can steady his penis and press against it with whatever amount of pressure seems appropriate. As part of this effort, she controls the speed of entry, the depth of penetration, and, the rate and rhythm of stroking. During this phase the man can support and steady her breasts keeping them from bouncing. If she opts to raise and lower her body rather than use a grinding motion, he can raise and lower his hips to a limited extent to match her movements. Even though his range of motion is limited, his straining actions will stimulate deep seated nerves in the root structure of his penis (inside the abdominal cavity) and help him reach a climax.

Meanwhile, she has the ability to move her pieces-parts against his and if she is not experiencing any discomfort she will have the best chance for achieving an orgasm. Now, this is important: Neither of you should expect her to reach an orgasm during intercourse the first time even if all is going very well and there is no pain. A woman's orgasms are very fickle and if she is experiencing any discomfort this is often enough to keep her from having one. So, with this in mind what is a loving caring lover to do? ANSWER: Help her achieve one or more orgasms before attempting intercourse. Doing so can be a win-win situation. It's great if it happens during intercourse and it is great if it happens before.

Now back to you, specifically.

> when i do get hard enough the condom kills it right after i put it on so that i cant get in.

Two things:
T#1. Devote no less than half an hour to making out and building each other's level of arousal, excitement, and anticipation. This is primarily for the woman's benefit, however, even though a guy can be ready in a matter of minutes, we too benefit from the additional work up.
T#2. Do not apply the condom too early. Roll it on when you are at or near the trigger point of your orgasm, yet while still able to maintain control.

Apply some lubricant to the surface of the Glans ONLY before putting on the condom. This will give the two some wiggle room and will help transfer more friction to the nerves. Even if the condom is a lubricated one, apply some additional lubricant to the outside and continue to stimulate the penis until ready to attempt penetration. You may still (partially) loose your erection due to your continuing anxieties, although the added lube will definitely work to your benefit.

There is something else to expect when attempting intercourse for the first time. There will likely be a fair amount of back pressure applied to the shaft of the penis during attempts to enter. Depending upon how much pressure is required, how long it is applied, and the number of attempts made, it is very likely that this back pressure that pushes against the root structure of the penis will cause it to go limp. If so, simply fall back, take a moments pause, and make out some more and work on getting it back when the discomfort goes away.

> when i do get hard enough the condom kills it right after i put it on so that i cant get in.

This is a problem. Considering all of the above, one of the best ways to help aleviate the problem is to continue stroking the penis through the condom.

> and one more thing is the she wont do any oral sex

Have you asked her why? Does she have some concerns or fears such as:
* He will want to ejaculate in my mouth
* If he does I'm afraid I'll gag or choke
* If he does what do I do if I don't want to swallow
* How do I tell him I don't want to swallow
* I don't know how to do it and he may think I'm bad at it
* What if my jaw gets tired
* It's dirty

She may have one or more of these concerns and perhaps others. Communication is the cornerstone of every successful relationship and this extends to making love.

Here are some things you should know about the above list:

The woman determines whether or not a man will ejaculate in her mouth, and, whether she will swallow or deposit the semen in a tissue, later. Her decision on these are final.

If she does not want you to ejaculate in her mouth then you have to have enough control over your pending rise toward a climax to warn her so she can do one of the following:
* Remove your penis so you can get into position for intercourse
* Remove your penis so you will ejaculate elsewhere
* Change tactics to the stimulation she is giving you so you will either pause or be brought more quickly to a climax--her choice.

It is good manners and etiquette to bathe before expecting to make love--and to have oral sex.

A penis is not a "dirty" organ. Neither are the fluids that come out of it. If the man is normal and healthy, so too is the precum, semen, and urine. Each is benign and pure.

In order to prevent any gagging, she should raise the tip of her tongue to the roof of her mouth so that the semen can squirt against the bottom surface.

I hope this information helps the two of you and others who are reading this thread. If you have additional questions, feel free to ask. After talking to her about any questions or concerns she has, feel free to continue the discussion, here.

> anything i can do to get hard besides makin out?

what's your plan? Since the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s making out, that is--necking, petting, heavy petting, and foreplay, have been the usual hands on approach to becoming aroused and for the man--hard. I suppose you could have erotic thoughts, see erotic images or not. I used to get erections just by looking at models in the Sears catalog!

Since I cannot be the proverbial fly on the wall, my question to you is how much time, effort, and attention are you two giving to making out? If you are glossing over this important aspect of making love, and perhaps relying upon intercourse to peak your ardor, then you have the cart before the horse and this is simply the wrong approach. On the off chance that this is what is going on with you or someone else reading this thread, just let me reiterate what I've said several times before--stroking maintains a pre-existing hight state of arousal while thrusting peaks it and takes him beyond control for an orgasm. If intercourse lasts longer than about ten minutes you have the wrong approach because most women report that they become bored, sore, and tired. So, to get the horse in front of the cart, devote no less than half an your to making out, and more within reason if possible.

If you're suffering from performance anxiety you should check out the article on Performance Anxiety at www.askmen.com.

I know where you're coming from.

The first couple trys for me, I went soft. Either from nervousness or the pressure from my back against the base of my penis trying to get it in. But eventually, I became relaxed enough to maintain my erection and have sex.

But now, even though I know the reasons for it, I still get nervous that I might lose my erection. Because everytime that happens, my girlfriend thinks she doesnt get me off, which is completely untrue because she's beautiful.

But like Doc said. Lots of foreplay helps. Seriously. My girlfriend and I messed around for almost 2 hours one time before we had sex (not that we planned on it or anything).

Good luck man. You're not alone.