Right this is a pretty confusing problem. I'm 17 years old, At the moment it actually isn't an urgent problem but its something thats effecting me psycologically.
Last may i had a girlfreind and after been together 5 months we deicded to take the next step. Now this is where my problem may have began, i have masturbated since i was 13 and have gained and sustained erections easily and never had any problems. Just before i slept with her i started reading on ways to please her and i came across one thing saying guys sometimes failed to get an erection on their first time through nerves and fear of not been able to perform. I think that may have stuck in my mind without me actually realising. Anyway when the time came it was awkward and i just completely lost the plot and for the life of me i couldn't get an erection.
I didn't think about it much instantly and just thougt it was one time and it could happen to anyone! We split up soon after this, (not through the same problem, she moved away) so we split up. As time has gone on the problem has startered to get to me more and more. I try and put it to the back of my head but things keep springing up, like i was led to believe over masturbation was the problem, but i knew i didn't have any problems with erections until after this incident. That incident was now nearly a year ago and i haven't slept with anyone since but when masturbating i haven't been able to get a full erection. At first i thought there was a physical problem, but thinking carefully i now no longer masturbate for the enjoyment, i now seem to be doing it to test my erections, and i think that is why my erections have become weaker and seem to be much harder to gain since this incident. i have had 1 or two oppurtunities when out but have found ways out of it becuase i haven't had an erection at the moment i was say dancing with a girl so i have thought in my head i won't be able to do it so i have backed out and found ways to get away. So i'm hoping someone can help, is this a psycological problem, or can you suddenly become impotent overnight, becuase hopefully i find that doubtful, but despite that been doubtful it is still seems to be inprinted in the back of my head. So i feel i now have a fear of not been able to perform.
So can somene please tell me if its psycological or physical. If its a psycological problem of fear, what kind of things can i do to try and forget what happened and get on with having a normal sex life, and how can i relax when with a girl.
Please i am desperate for help.
Are you drinking alcohol or are tired. Thos things could be affecting you. http://frequentflyer.blogspot.com/
Are you drinking alcohol or are you tired? Those things could be affecting you in an adverse way. http://frequentflyer.blogspot.com/
Yeah. Also, try not to think about purple elephants. This is one of those things where it's really hard not to think about, especially when you know you shouldn't. Especially if it's been going on for awhile and you've sort of trained yourself that way.
Take a deep breath. Decide to do it for you. It may take awhile to get the message through to yourself.
If you really have trouble, you may want to try something to distract you while you masturbate, like watching a porno or working up a really good fantasy to focus on instead of just getting an erection.
And like Wally said, the next time you're with a girl, just focus on sharing pleasure. That's the "goal," not just getting and staying hard.
Good luck, Ian.
It's all in your mind man. Let that little thing go. I had the same problem and as soon as I got over it I was fine. Just don't think about it. Just remember to have fun and not worrie about it.
[QUOTE=Quote (Ian41 @ April 16 2004,16:23)] At first i thought there was a physical problem, but thinking carefully i now no longer masturbate for the enjoyment, i now seem to be doing it to test my erections, and i think that is why my erections have become weaker and seem to be much harder to gain since this incident.[/QUOTE]
good post Wally
i think this statement says that its more of a psychological problem. i mean you no longer masturbate for pleasure just to see if you can do it. thats the same mentality you'd have w/ sex. if/when you decide to try again you won't be there for the pleasure, you'll be doing just to see if you are able.
i know its easier said than done but try what Wally says. just get the thoughts of failure out of your head. if you find yourself w/ a girl dont just focus on having sex. have fun and pleasure her in different way, then you might find you'll have an erection w/out even thinking about it. just go w/ the flow.
Well... you might want to see a doc to "rule out" any physical issues. But frankly, it sounds to me like you've got yourself "programmed" for failure. You've got to change your thinking.
First off, realize that sex with someone you care about (and that includes yourself lol) is not a performance test. There are no judges sitting in the stands with score cards. It's great to become knowledgable and learn techniques, etc. but ultimately sex is something you do with somebody, not to somebody.
You shouldn't be putting the incident "in the back of your head," you should be getting it out of your head.
When you label yourself, subconsciously you keep proving you're right. The person who thinks, for example, they are "not good at math" (deficient algebra genes, I guess) won't bother studying and will go through life being right.
Another thing I'd encourage you to remember is that an erection isn't a requirement to giving a girl pleasure. So if an opportunity arises, forget about trying to get an erection and just enjoy pleasure with her. You might be surprised by an erection, but if you're not, don't worry about it! You can both still have an enjoyable time. Good sex is not at the mercy of your penis... in a sense, your penis is at the mercy of good sex.
Simple, but not easy. You have to change your thinking.
Wally