The advice you're getting seems solid, but I'd like to suggest you also come at this from the other side of the problem.

The problem is not ONLY that you haven't been able to respond to the BJ. The problem also is that your gf is placing way too much importance on it.

You'll reduce your own stress level if you sit down and talk (not in bed, not when she's about to go down on you). All of the tips and tactics you've been given will work a lot better if you can get her to take the pressure off, so to speak.

Ask her to trust you that you're happy with her and to work with you on this problem. Very often sexual issues are actually relationship issues... or they reflect what's going on in the relationship. I would say that her inability to feel that she's satisfying you unless she gives you a bj is a problem of equal magnitude to your being unable to accept it.

She's actually being a bit selfish if you think about it. And you are falling into the trap of not feeling "good enough" because you are not meeting her standard. You're in a downward spiral that you both are contributing to!

You both might get this whole thing into perspective if you ask yourself this: is the basis of your relationship whether or not she can make you cum orally?

Well quite a few guys actually have this problem and there can be quite a few reasons for it.  

Previously you said, tho that you could not cum from hand or blow job.  But then you said you could cum from hand job.

If you go limp when she starts to give you a b.j., then it's totally in your head.  Maybe you had a strict or religious upbringing?  Perhaps you think it is degrading for her to do that?  Maybe you have been told by previous lovers to definitely NOT cum in their mouth or they would be soo ticked off.  There can be all kinds of little psychological seeds planted in a person's head to give them a sexual hang up.  

Did you have the problem with other women?  Or just her?  

Right now you are placing a TON of pressure on yourself to stay hard and also cum when she's giving you a blow job.  There's a huge reason for Mr. Happy to have trouble cooperating.  He's scared to death that he will fail, so he just gives up.  

You are going to have to take a slow and careful approach to this.  Take the emphasis off of the whole blow job thing and tell your girlfriend that you want so badly to be able to do it for her, that it's totally freaking you out.  It is not something you can help.  She needs to realize this and try to understand that you can't control it right now.  

Make a pact now that she will not give you a bj for a period of time.  Maybe a month or so.  whatever you feel is right.  Or make small goals.  If you don't have a problem with handjobs, let her do that and sit in a position she normally would for a bj.  

have her work in every so often maybe a kiss or a lick here and there while she's using her hand.  see how it goes.  dont' go any further for a week or so.  then maybe work up to putting the head of your penis in her mouth for just a second, here and there.  Have her do it on her own, but have her do it slyly and not making a big deal out of it.  don't go any further for a week or so.  up the time and frequency.  I would so over a month or more's time.  You've got all the time in the world.  There is not rush.  If a step is unsuccessful, go back, give the previous step more time and take the next step slower.  

Overall, both of you relax, have a good time.  Tell her she can't become upset over it, or Mr. Happy will feel her dissapointment and continue to hide.  this has to be fun for both parties and not stressful.  If you continue little bit little and don't rush, he should come out of his "shell" and realize he likes it a whole bunch!

Good luck!

i'm not totally sure it will work, but since the problem sounds psychological, i'd recommend just relaxing and giving in to the pleasure she's giving you. don't think about orgasming, don't think about what exactly she's doing just sit back and enjoy the feeling of it. I've never been able to cum from a bj, but doing what i just said helped me come about as close to it as i've ever been. But like i said, since the bj is the only thing you're having problems with it is likely largely psychological, and you just need to change what you're thinking about while she's giving you head.

I agree. Are you sure that is why she is not talking to you? well you need to relax and she needs to get over it. You will find throughtout life not everyone is the same and gets off the same. Some people can't get off w/ manual or oral stimulation. Others, thats the only way. Some women can't get off w/ intercourse they need something else. I would definetly have a talk with your g/f and find out if this is really the problem. It's not your fault or hers. It's not something she's doing "wrong". Maybe w/ time and experience she can do these things for you.

And ABIDDY, please be so kind as to read this and read this before ever posting on this message board again. thanks a million

Dude, you need to relax. Why did you post the same exact thing twice? You gotta give people some time to respond. Also, I cant even understand what the problem is that you need help with. Are you having problems with your girl because you cant cum? You werent clear.

Seriously, take a few breaths. Then come back and enlighten us all, with some clarity, as to what you are actually asking about. Then I will be glad to help.

slightly wrong topic for this section...

anyway, is she not talking to you because you can't orgasm from oral or manual stimulation?

To address this problem, the problem is not unnatural, and has been addressed a couple of times on this message board (rather recently i believe if you would just take the time to look in the right places). I have the same problem, so i've kept a close eye on these topics, but as of yet i haven't seen a real solution to the problem. the closest solution i can come up with is that if you masturbate regularly stop doing that. as far as my problem goes it stems partly from being too accustomed to the feel of masturbation to orgasm any other way.

Now, to address your desperation, i'm guessing you're young. probably mid teens, though i could be wrong. it's obvious however that you haven't had to deal with anything nearly this serious in the past. Acting like the world will end tomorrow if you don't find a solution is the wrong way to go about things. How long has she been not talking to you? you need to slow down and give it time, and stop acting like a maniac with his tail on fire. This kind of desperation will scare a girl off in a heartbeat. And you have to remember that she is not the only girl out there. I'm sure you spent several years of your life without her and lived just fine, and i know that if it comes to worst case scenarios you can live just fine without her again. Not that that will happen, but you need to chill out and stop being so serious about it. it will get you nowhere

Is she the only girl who has given you a BJ? If not were you able to cum with the other girl?
I don't want to get to psycho-analytical b/c I don't know you or your g/f and what you go through and what your relationship is like.
One thing that comes to my mind is that sometimes oral sex, especially cumming in her mouth and on her face is sometimes linked w/ acts that are more porn star-ish, I guess you could say,lol. So maybe subconsciously you love her so much you don't want to degrade her like that. I dunno, I am just totally going out on a limb here. Don't take offense or anything