My boyfriend and I have been trying to have a threesome for over a year. I have done it a few times before about 5 years ago. It was me a girlfriend of mine and a male on a few occasions. Then I was with two different couples. We have not been able to find a third female party to play with us. Granted the only place we have looked is online at websites. I know have decided to go to a gay/lesbian club in a neighboring city. I am going alone though for he does not want to go.
He has a problem with the fact that it seemed easy for me to do it then and yet we as a couple haven't done it. We fight over this issue I mean big fights. He don't think I understand his frustration and that it is not important to me that we do it. That its not a big deal for me. Now matter how hard I explain that I do want to and that timing and circumstances have interrupted my plans.
:confused: :confused:How do I understand his feelings and help him?
no I don't think thats it either....He thinks that I have been putting it off and now matter how I try to explain that the timing or the circumstances have been a problem and the fact I did not want to go by myself to clubs and now I have just decided to go ahead and do it. He just thinks I am giving excuses and deep down I do not want to do it.
You can't really help him - he's just being jealous and irrational. Sorry.
He just really wants to try it and is being immature about it.
is he sure that he wants a 3some? i know that when im single i will do alot more sexual things than when i have a girlfriend. maybe he is a bit like me. in a relationship i like to keep it as just the two of us. it may have been easyer for you to get them single because it is only you to look out for, in a relationship there is the two of you.
regardless of why he is doing it how do i handle his feelings and what do i tell him
It sounds if the "talk about it" is intriguing to him but he is not really open to it. If he was, in my opinion, he would equally as eager as you. Sounds more as if he does not wish to disappoint you but is not willing to really be involved in it. It's easy to hid behind the computer and say lets search but taking the next step of really going about it he is hesitating on.
If you really do not care about pursuing a threesome, let it go. When or if he gets serious and brings it up...let him go out with you.
he was eager in the beginning but now that it has taking so long he has gotten frustrated and I am the one doing all the work. He thinks I am not telling the whole story but I now I am getting frustrated. I don't know what to do other than go pick up a girl and bring her home and surprise him. But he don't believe me when I say I am going to do this because I didn't go to the club as soon as the websites didn't work. aggggghhhh
Just tell him no then...if its really that frustrating to you then say NO!!!!
But I want to have a threesome and I know he does too and this will not solve the problem
I say skip it; you both require better communication & understanding first.
The woman who is "chosen" has to be acceptable to you both...not "oh, honey go out, find a lady, & drag her home for me"....too easy on him...he's putting the failure on you through his actions.
Thank you all for trying to understand and help. Don't want you to think I don't appreciate you all
No problem....:)
you may be right, I think we have had too much communication on it and we are over analyzing it all. I tried to explain that to him. I do not know where I went wrong other than I did let it slide for a little while on the searching for someone. I guess I should have tried harder.
[quote=chinadoll3474;202329]you may be right, I think we have had too much communication on it and we are over analyzing it all. I tried to explain that to him. I do not know where I went wrong other than I did let it slide for a little while on the searching for someone. I guess I should have tried harder.[/quote]No, he should be a bit more understanding of you...a threesome does not magically appear...if you want quality.
thank you, he thinks because it seemed easy when i done it before that it should be easy for us. He don't get that of course its easy when you already have 2 willing females and all you need is a male. And he don't understand that the 2 couples that searched me out took 6 months or longer on both for us to get together. And now he don't he don't want to hear anymore of my "excuses" thats all I have been giving him is excuses. But really I did not intend to put this off. I couldn't believe what rotten luck we had on the sites. Location is a problem and timing is a problem and money is a problem. All the good sites are paysites. We are more than will to travel a certain distance. And we did try a club in a close by city but I screwed that up too. I screwed up a chance with my at the time best friend BTW that was the closest we got to making it happen. But I screwed that up too. I didn't mean too nor do I know what I did to screw it up but I did. Im just tired of us having the same fight about it over and over. But I do want to make it happen I want to do this for myself as well as for him
See three-somes are a lot harder as a couple than as a single person...why? No feelings attached to anyone. But the second you add the word couple its a whole different ball game.
Ahem. Why haven't you asked me about this? I think my feelings may be hurt.
Now then, you and he are seeking a bisexual single woman - which is precisely what every other couple and single male is searching for. There are more of those seeking than there are single bi-femmes to go around, so the odds are against you from the start. Supply and demand applies to sexual adventures as well as to economics.
What you two can do:
1. stop looking for bisexual women and just go with a non-bi 3some. More women = more chances.
2. join your local swing group - there is one - and meet people as people.
3. hunt together always! Never just "pick up a girl and drag her home to him". She's not meat and she wants to know who she's ****ing.
4. cool your jets! Your over eager attitude is scary. You two seem desperate. Stop that.
Understand that men are easy, women are choosy. Fix yourselves up first. The continuing drama between you two is scaring the women away. He has to get off his dead ass as well and help you with this search. Arrange your life so you both have time to go out together and be more social with like-minded persons i. e. swingers.
It is the "Third" who has the 'power' in this situation - she's the one who says yes or no. It is your job to make yourselves attractive.
I can understand your husband's frustration, he probably beleives that all you are doing is making promises that you don't plan on keeping.
Me and my wife used to share in threesomes, but hadn't since we moved to a new city a couple years ago. She will sometimes point out cute girls, and every once in a while she will complain about missing the female body. It bagan to grate on me because she's the one with the connections (aside from the fact that she, as a girl, has it easier doing the picking up) yet never follows through with any of her desires. I even began to wonder if she was just somehow testing my fidelity, to see how eager I was to have another girl around.
Ahem.. it is "My wife and I,".. machine rat, ty.
Tell her, hun. Fidelity aside, since you have done this thing before, tell her if you want to begin again or not.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;202536]Ahem.. it is "My wife and I,".. machine rat, ty.
[/QUOTE]
I always have difficulty with that, I remember deliberating on which to use.
The answer = you put others before yourself. "After you." - do you see?