My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months now and we're crazy about each other.
He's been slowly introducing me to his preference for butt play and so far, I've felt really open about it. Last night, we were verbally playing out a scenario to each other while having sex.
He asked if I'd be okay using a strap on with him, to which I replied, "Of course!" Then he said that he had a harness and dildo in the closet that we could use next time. I balked.
It brought up a two specific issues for me.
1) What's good sex toy etiquette? Can you use sex toys in one relationship and then in the next one? I feel kind of sicked out by the idea of using the same thing to ram him as several other people have.
Also, when I've been with women, it was NOT okay to reuse sex toys. They died with the relationship. Is it different with heteros?
2) Can you recycle sex toys with your recycling like you would plastic?
He said he'd be happy to buy new sex toys and only use toys that we share with each other if it bothers me so much, and I think he's great to be so understanding. But we're both eco-friendly and don't want to cause a lot of waste.
Thanks!!!
If you want new sex toys then get them. It is all a matter of preference. Some people may find it okay, others may find it wrong.
To me...I look at it this way....
If its not okay for someone to use the same strap on to have sex with different people, does that mean a man can only have sex with one person before recycling their penis :p...just my opinion though
Yup! I tend to agree. If a penis can be washed and lubed and used again, why can't a dildo?
When it comes right down to it, both are "toys". The main difference between a penis and a dildo is that the former is self propelled.
[quote=dancingdoc2;208091]Yup! I tend to agree. If a penis can be washed and lubed and used again, why can't a dildo?
When it comes right down to it, both are "toys". The main difference between a penis and a dildo is that the former is self propelled.[/quote]Men are so PRACTICAL!!!!
From a medical standpoint, wash them well and soak in two parts warm water to one part white vinegar for twenty minutes or so.
From a woman's perspective, dump the damned things and get new! They provide a constant reminder of his past partners and will raise questions anew.
[quote=Brandye;208095]
From a woman's perspective, dump the damned things and get new! They provide a constant reminder of his past partners and will raise questions anew.[/quote]
I second that!!!!
> > Men are so PRACTICAL!!!!
> They provide a constant reminder of his past partners and will raise questions anew.
The yin and the yang. A balanced equation.
Besides, think of the fun the two of you can have shopping together. Then, there is the excitement and anticipation, whether it is the short drive to the store, or, waiting for the plain brown wrapper to arrive.
Hmm, gives me an idea. Adult toy renting huts, all across America.
haha I can see it now one of your workers forget to clean one of the toys...and then a herpes pandemic spreads through america haha :p
Maybe set up a cot in the back for demonstrations.
Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your advice. I would love to hear more from people and see what others have to say.
That was practical advice, men. I don't wish that my boyfriend was a virgin, or that he (haha) had a different penis.
It was the harness. He wanted me to use a harness that other people (!) have used before. That's something for TWO people, him and someone OTHER than him and that's what brought it home for me and crossed the line. It wasn't just him anymore and his preference in sex toys, it became a REALLY concrete reminder of him and the sex he'd had with past partners. It'd be like if your girlfriend had a mold of her boyfriend's dick and wanted you to use it on her instead of yours. Yeah. Not so fun.
Keep the advice coming (haha) please! I'd love to hear more!!!
How many sides to this can there be. Brandye pretty much summed it up and you agreed with her position. That about says it all.
Well do you really know for sure that its been used ? Maybe he bought it in anticipation of having you be the first to use it on him ? He may have taken it out of the package already but it doesn't necessarily mean its been used. Only you would be able to answer that question though.
I've seen a sex store that had tester edible lubes and undies on the rack.....
For a bit of mental perspective, how many guys would be ok with your girlfriend saying John, her ex, used to do her in the butt with this toy, and she'd do the same to him, so can she use it on you?
My vote is new ones. While you may be perfectly comfortable in the relationship, it's like having an ex's picture above the headboard while you're doing it, only this picture's up your ass.
If it was a girl being penetrated with a toy that her man had used on other girls yes...but she isnt being penetrated...so I dont see that big a deal to it...
Asking a girl to do a move that his ex would do in bed...more than likely crossing the line...
Using same toy on him...ehh no big deal...
But shopping for a toy WOULD be fun!
I agree with what Ducy said, if you're using on him its not such a big deal. But using on you? Go buy one and surprise him with it. :)
I can't even imagine a woman wanting me to use a cock ring than another guy has used...that would be horrible. I don't even like it when a woman pulls out a half used bottle of lube, if I've never slept with her before.
lol... Hmm, yeah so I like doc's idea, shopping in an adult shop is VERY fun for a couple, even for the shy ones. I've dated all types and they all enjoyed it, even if they weren't jumping at all the size dildos.
If you must re-use old adult toys, make sure it's not the edible panties.....some boundaries just shouldn't be crossed...
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;208204]How many sides to this can there be. Brandye pretty much summed it up and you agreed with her position. That about says it all.[/QUOTE]
Uhm, not really. I'd like to hear about people who recycle their dildos and vibraters and where they sent them. What companies out there provide this service? Are there a LOT of sex toys out there contributing to Global Warming? Is no one else concerned about this??? Why is there SO MUCH out there about BUYING and not anything on throwing them out properly???
Also, I'd love to hear from people who have dealt with this issue of reuse and the different viewpoints they offer. Why are women so much more grossed out by the idea? Or maybe I'm wrong, what about men? I want to hear more about how people feel about the issue.
I was saying thank you to those who spent time on my problem, please don't squelch conversation.
p.s.- He said two other girls that he dated previously had used the harness on him. So no. He didn't get it just for us.
Well, is the harness the cloth kind? If so, you can just wash it. I have a cloth kind and it is very comfortable and I can't imagine having to go through the headache of buying a new one. Of course, I am the wearer, so I guess it is a little different, but in all honesty, it wouldn't bother me at all. As long as it was clean. Of course he's had different partners in the past, but I am one of the rare breed of women whom that doesn't bother me one bit. If it bugs you, just get a new one.
The leather kind can't really be cleaned, and if that were the case, I would personally get a new one. Not for fear of germs or disease, but it would just gross me out. Like wearing someone elses undies.